Not What It Seems
by Nodoubtaboutit18
Summary: AU... Spencer has a problem...stealing her brother's girlfriend.
1. Punk Rock Princess

**A/n: Hey guys, this is a new fic I'm starting. I hope you all like it. I appreciate the feed back and reviews, it will let me know whether to continue or not. Thanks.**

Whoever told you they have the worst life, obviously hasn't met me. I could be a little bit dramatic but let me give you a glimpse at my life and I'll let you decide. My name is Spencer Carlin and I have an older brother Glen who is an ass, if you couldn't tell by my tone. But God knows I still love him. I have a younger sister who can be a pain most days but some days we have this sisterly bond going on. Speaking of her, "Hey Kyla, are you reading over my shoulder again?" Guess we will continue on my life story later.

Kyla innocently slumped her shoulders and coyly stepped back, "No...why would I ever?" She grinned.

I set down my pen on my desk and shut my composition book, "Ha I always catch you red handed," I swiveled my chair around and hit my hands on my thighs, "So, what can I do for ya?" Which basically meant, why the hell are you in my room and what's the quickest way I can get you out of here.

Kyla sat on the edge of my bed, "I just...wanted to talk." Kyla's eyes lowered to the ground and she clenched her hands together. I could tell she wanted to talk about some new boyfriend problem she was having. Her and her boyfriend always had problems and I was always here to make her feel somewhat better about herself. I never understood why she continued to date this asshole who always made her feel so low.

I sighed and scooted my chair closer to Kyla, "Spill."

Kyla rolled her eyes, "Why am I always coming to you for help?"

I grinned. She always wanted to make some excuse when she came to me for advice, "Because I'm your big sis, and I'm older and definitely wiser. So spill." I made hand gestures to get her rolling with her story.

"So you know Aiden," Kyla pulled at her pants as she spoke softly.

"Of course I know your boyfriend," She always took forever to get to the point of her story.

"Well, he and I have been," Kyla looked up at me and gritted her teeth, "having sex andIknowyoudon'twanttohear that but we have been having sex." Kyla talked really quickly as if she was embarrassed by what she was saying.

I still did not see the point in the story and I wanted to get the picture of Aiden Dennison on top of my little sister out of my head...fast. "Yes? Is that all you wanted to tell me? Did that man whore give you some gross STD?" I chuckled waiting for Kyla's chuckle to follow. Although, it wasn't the chuckle I was expecting. It was a forced and scared chuckle, I soon began to freak, "What? Uhm don't tell me that little jock church boy gave you something---if he did. I'm going to kick his ass." I stood up on my chair and clenched my fists.

Kyla tugged my shirt back down and forced me to sit back in my chair. "No, no he didn't give me anything. I think I'm pregnant." Kyla diverted her eye contact from my shocked eyes to the floor. I wasn't sure if I heard her correctly, well I knew I heard her correctly, I just wasn't sure if I could process this. My sixteen year old sister was pregnant? This can't be happening. My mother is going to blame me somehow and I can't take the beating for that.

"Wait, you think...or you are?" Maybe she wasn't sure, please oh God please say she's not sure.

Kyla twirled her thumbs around, "I think, I'm two weeks late and the last couple times we had sex...we didn't have protection and I forgot to take my birth control last month..." Kyla's eyes were swelling up, I could see the fear in her eyes, the tears getting ready to make it's way out and onto her cheeks. I had to say or do something.

"Kyla, there's still a chance you're just late because your stressing. It happens to all of us. We will just go buy a home pregnancy test and well find out the truth." I sat next to Kyla on the bed and rubbed circles on her back, trying my best to soothe her.

Kyla stood up and started to pace around the room. She always frantically paced and mumbled to herself when she was nervous. She mumbled things that no one could understand, probably not even her. I let her pace around nervously mumbling for a good minute or so before I just lost it and shouted, "Kyla!"

She stopped in her tracks and shouted back, "You can't tell mom!" She gave me one of those deer in the head light looks.

"Like the hell I would. She'd kill me and say it was my fault I let you date that boy," she so would to. I'm the middle child, I always get blamed for pretty much everything. I just know if my mom or dad found out that Kyla may be pregnant, I might get knocked upside the head and be yelled at for the rest of my life.

"So, tomorrow after school want to go to the store with me?" Kyla said as she gripped the door handle to my room.

I snapped myself out of my thoughts, "You bet. I'll drive."

Kyla smiled, "Thanks...thanks for--"

I started to make a puking face, "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't go getting all mushy on me. Blah blah blah, I love you too." I grinned. I figured I'd throw in the normal big sister teasing to snap her out of her worrisome state.

I saw Kyla smirk and I knew I had did the trick, "You're such a bitch. Remind me why you're my sister?"

"Ohh I don't know, you don't have a choice in that matter. Now, get your skinny little ass out of my room!" I pointed towards the door and waited for her to walk out and shut it. Kyla slowly dragged her feet out the door and fake angrily slammed the door.

I finally found the effort to walk the two steps from my bed to my chair at my desk. I finally found my pen which was hidden under my composition book and opened my book. Where did I leave off? Oh right, so I have the worst life in the world right? Well maybe not in the world just in Los Angeles. So my father--- I roll my eyes and the sound of Glen beating on my door. At least he has the decency to knock--well bang at my door.

"What?!" I yelled in frustration. I didn't bother to shout come in, whoops. I hated when I heard loud bangs at my door, it gave me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Of course he lets himself in anyways, "Hey lil sis, my hot new girlfriend is coming over tonight. So be nice and don't make too much noise because I want to take her and--" I so do not need to hear all these details, I think he does this just to make me irate.

"Ugh gross Glen. I don't need to know your fantasies. So what's this girls name?" I roll my eyes, I swear he has dated every girl in the school. I probably shouldn't have even bothered asking her name because they never last more than a week. But I always end up meeting the girls and making fun of Glen with them, so that's always a plus.

"Shit, I can't remember," At first I thought Glen was joking but he was in serious thought over this girls name.

"Oh my God, seriously Glen?" I shook my head in dismay. "What do girls even see in you?" I had to know, because he was defiantly a man whore who was nothing but an ass.

"Probably these boyish good looks. But sis, you have to do me this beyond huge favor. You have to answer the door when she comes in and find out her name. It kind of slipped. I'm dating like three other girls, I can't remember which hot one is coming over tonight. Please, please, please?" Glen pleaded with his eyes and begged on his knees. I knew he was an ass, but I always helped a sibling in need.

Before I agreed, I made sure to give him a good long eye roll, "Fine. I'll do you this favor, but then you owe me." I threw down my pen and threw my composition book into my desk drawer.

"She's supposed to be over in like ten minutes. Wait downstairs for her, please? Or else I know you won't hear that doorbell, deaf sister of mine. I'm going to go get a quick shower and get ready to--"

"Glen! Must you?" I stood up and said as I shoved him out of my bedroom.

"Yes, only because it makes you mad." Glen tapped me on the head and then jetted off to the shower.

I rolled my eyes yet again, and then slowly made my way down the stairs. I plopped on the couch and flicked on the television. I aimlessly flipped through the channel and just watched Mtv. I hated the TV shows that they played on there, but it was one of those hates where you just can't look away. No matter what appalling comments they make on that Mtv show Next, I kind of look forward to what quirky thing comes out of their mouth next.

So as I watched the show with my legs propped on the opposite side of the couch, I heard the doorbell rang. I looked outside of the window to see who it was. I figured it was Glen's new Barbie, so I opened up the door.

Damn, she was hot. I had the door in my hand and I couldn't manage words. This girl standing before me was taking my breath away, along with the English language and I am always good with words. This brunette bombshell stood before me with curly brown locks and blazing brown eyes. I could see her toned arm muscles in the cute vintage rock t shirt she was wearing. Her low rising hipsters fit her perfectly and made me want to jump this girl. I could see her belly button and a glimpse of those toned abs. Oh my God, what is Glen doing with this girl? I so want her.

"So are you going to let me in?" She said as she weaved her head out. I smiled, this girl has got attitude. I like it already. This is so not Glen's type, a girl with a personality.

"Oh, sorry. I was," admiring your perfect body, "but oh uhm come in, sorry." I was acting like some love sick puppy. Since when am I into girls? Oh right, duh Spencer you have been for like...since you can remember. What is this girl doing to me, I don't even know her name. Duh, that's the reason I'm down here in the first place.

"So you can sit on the couch with me. Glen's in the shower getting ready. Hi, I'm Spencer and you are?" I said as I plopped down on the couch trying to make her feel comfortable. I bet she'd feel real comfortable with my head between her---snap out of it. Figure out her name before you start having sex day dreams already.

"Hi, yeah I'm Ashley Davies," she said and I couldn't help but notice how she crinkled her cute little nose while she smiled. I thought and died and went to heaven when I saw that nose crinkle. She plopped down her purse on the coffee table in front of us and sat on the opposite side of the couch.

"So, I haven't seen you around school...you older or something?" Ashley said trying to make conversation, or maybe she was interested in me. She couldn't possibly be interested in me. She was interested in that asshole of a brother I have.

I smiled anyways and I turned towards her, "No, I go to this private school. My parents want me to be some like doctor and I always had the highest test scores blah blah blah, so they stuck me in this fancy prep school. While Glen and Kyla get to go to King High." I rolled my eyes at that thought.

Ashley smirked and let out a slight laugh, "Trust me, Hun you're not missing a damn thing." Did she just call me Hun? I really wish she meant it.

"Probably not, but this fancy prep school sucks. Loads of homework, bitchy ass girls, and guys who think they are God" I took the pillow sitting next to me and sat it on my lap. I just held it while I listened---well stared at Ashley Davies as she spoke.

"Yeah, boys. Sometimes they just make me want to switch teams, ya know?" Oh I certainly do know. And it would be really nice if you did switch teams Ashley Davies, please tell me this is your cruel way of flirting with me. Oh a girl can hope. Glen better get down here fast or I'm stealing this girlfriend of his away.

"Oh, I completely understand." I grinned at her then I caught my eyes wandering to her breasts, and then to her perfect abs.

"Spencer!" Glen yelled coming down the stairs, which startled me.

"Hey Glen...way to make Ashley wait forever for you," I had to emphasize Ashley for him. Hope Ashley didn't actually notice.

"Thanks sis, were you trying to steal this girl away from me too?" Glen playfully punched me on the shoulder. He will never live that down, just because one of his past girlfriends was gay and I kind of made out and had sex with her, doesn't mean I am going to steal every girlfriend away from him---well except this one too.

Ashley was giving Glen and me a confusing look. Glen of course had to explain, "Spence didn't try to feel you up or anything?"

"Glen, fuck off." I angrily glared at him.

"Well, my little sis over here is a big ole lesbian and decided to screw one of my last girlfriends, isn't that right sis?" Glen smiled as he wrapped his arms around Ashley. Like he was claiming property on Ashley but little does he know that arm wrapped around Ashley is going to be mine...in time.

"Whatever Glen," I rolled my eyes then looked at Ashley. Seeing that she was somewhat interested in the story, intrigued me. "Nice to meet you Ashley, I'll be in my room if you decide to need space away from this ass." I chuckled and then I stretched my arms in the air and yawned. I caught Ashley checking out my stomach along with the tattoo I had surrounding my belly button, score. Just want I wanted, stare all you'd like Miss Davies.

"Yeah, nice meeting you too..." Ashley said confused and trailed off. I ran up the stairs and resisted looking over my shoulder. I closed the door and plopped on my bed. I rested my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling fan. I let out a long sigh, man I haven't felt this way about a girl since...well since this one girl broke my heart. Whatever, it wasn't real love anyways, I think.

So I'm sitting in my room just day dreaming about all the things I'd like to do to Ashley. I'd really love to find out how soft her lips would feel pressed up against mine, I'd really love to feel her tongue massaging mine. I so need a cold shower right now. I could feel the warmth growing in my jeans. I dozed off and all of a sudden I was startled awake by a hand on my leg. I jumped up and pressed my hand against my chest, "Damn you scared me girl." I smiled knowing it was Ashley who made my heart skip a beat.

"Oh I'm sorry, were you sleeping? I shouldn't have---" Ashley said as she started to get off my bed and reach for the door.

I grabbed her arm, "No, no it's okay. What did you need?" I smiled as I slowly inched up against my head board.

Ashley slowly sat down the edge of my bed again, "Nothing I just needed time away from your brother. He's kind of--"

"An ass?" I smiled.

"I was going to say intense. But that works too." Ashley smiled.

"Yeah, no problem. You're always welcome on my bed." Whoops did I just let that slip? I meant to say in my room, not on my bed. But she really is welcome on my bed anytime especially if I was on top of her. And she was---stop. You're staring at Ashley with those goofy blue eyes of yours again.

Ashley smirked, "Thanks Carlin. Well, I told your brother I had to go to the bathroom. I think he's going to wonder why I've been gone so long. He might think you have stolen me away from him." Ashley grinned.

"He wouldn't mind." Dang, Spencer you really have got to stop flirting with her. You don't even know if this girl is gay, but a girl can hope. And the flirting thing, just kind of slips out. I don't think when she's around.

Ashley stood up and started walking towards the door, "I don't think I would either. Nice tattoo by the way, I'll have to show you mind later." Ashley winked at me as she left. Did she just flirt with me? That was definitely a flirt, it had to---it was. That hot brunette was totally coming on to me. Yup, that's it. I've got a crush on my brother's girlfriend. Did I mention to you how complicated my life gets?


	2. I Want To Save You

**A/n: Thanks for all the feedback, enjoy.**

We were on our way to the local pharmacy to get that dreaded pregnancy test kit and the car was about as silent as ... as well I can't think of a good metaphor but you could cut the tension with a knife. So I'm driving Kyla's car because my parents decided to give one to her as a sixteenth birthday present but I--- as her older sister don't get a car. I still can't figure that.

"So, how was school today?" That was the best question I could break the silence with.

Kyla sighed as she watched the cars fly by, "It was fine. This test better be fucking negative." That obviously was the only thing going through her head at the moment. Might as well entertain the thought.

"It better be, or your boyfriend is so dead. Have you told him?" I looked over at her, then I regained my attention on the road. An accident would be the last thing I needed in my life right now.

Kyla laughed, "Hell no, I am not telling him until I know the answer. Which better be negative, which would mean I'd never have to tell him." Kyla's cell phone started to ring. She frantically searched through her messy purse filled with all the stuff us girls need.

"Damn, what do you have in your purse? Just let it go to voicemail it's probably no one important," I smiled as I still watched her search through her purse.

"Ah-ha!" She said as she held up her phone like she had just won a prize. She looked at the person calling and I heard a slight scoff before she answered the phone, "Hey Aiden," That couldn't sound any less enthusiastic.

I smirked, "Told you it was no one important."

Kyla smiled and made a shushing face as she playfully punched my shoulder. "Aiden, I'm with my sister right now, can I call you back later?"

"Your hot sister," I coughed out.

"Shut it." Kyla whispered as she was trying to pay attention to stupid Aiden.

"All right, love ya bye." Kyla hung up the phone and threw it right back in her purse. So when the next person called she could start the searching process all over again.

"Ugh, I'm getting so sick of him. He didn't even do anything. He's just annoying, let's get this test, pray for a negative sign because I can't bare the thought of an Aiden Jr running around." Kyla crossed her arms and slumped back into the passenger seat.

I smiled at the last part she said. She's so right, if we had an Aiden Jr running around the world would probably end. "You've got that right sis." I threw the car in park and took off my seatbelt, "We're here."

"Way to state the obvious. Let's get this over." Kyla said as she jumped out of the car and ran into the store. She didn't bother waiting for me to get out of the car, how nice of her. I hurried in after her and found her in the dreadful isle, with plenty of pregnancy test choices.

"Thanks for waiting for me. So what's the problem, pick one and we will have you pee on the stick." I smiled, trying to get Kyla to find humor in this...when it really isn't funny at all.

"Oh my God. I know that girl at the cash register, she's on my cheerleading squad. I can't buy this, I can't be seen in this isle. Spencer, Spencer, please here. Go up there I'll wait in the car. Please?" Kyla gave me the most pleading eyes and I knew I'd have to bare buying this alone. This better not spread rumors about me, wait I don't even go to their school, so it shouldn't.

"Fine, go wait in the car. Here take the keys. God the things I do for you." I rolled my eyes, whipped the pregnancy test off the shelf and threw it on the counter. I felt this girl looking at me, giving me the eyes, like she wanted to say something but of course she didn't.

Wait, I spoke too soon, I saw her lips forming words but of course I was not paying attention. "Sorry, what did you say?" I smiled trying to act like I cared what she really said.

"You look familiar, do I know you?" She said as she rang up the item. She held the pregnancy test in her hand a little too long and I really just wanted her to throw it in a brown paper bag so I could get the hell out.

"I doubt it, how much do I owe you?" Yeah that sounded rude, but I had to be rude. I couldn't let her make the connection that I was related to Kyla. We don't look that much alike...so hopefully she wouldn't.

"Oh, I remember. I dated your brother for awhile. Glen? I'm on your sister's cheerleading squad. You probably don't remember me, you were rarely home when I was over all summer long. But we talked a few times...Spencer? Right?" The girl smiled like she just had answered the final question on jeopardy.

"Yup, I'm Spencer. Thanks, but I really have to go..." I handed her the money and grabbed my change, she really could have kept it. It would have saved me from listening to her talk about how much she misses my brother and how I need to convince him to go back out with her. I saw her look at the pregnancy test before she threw it in the bag. She really couldn't shut up, "I hope it's negative. I had a scare like two months ago." She smiled.

"Yeah I hope it's negative too. Thanks, see you around." I grabbed the bag off the counter and whipped open the door to the store. Kyla was sitting in the driver's seat so I plopped in my usual spot. "Oh my God, does that girl ever shut up?"

Kyla smiled, "Nope, she probably already---never mind." Kyla threw the car in drive and hopped back on the road.

I was waiting for her to finish her sentence and I was going to make her, "Never mind what? Ky! Never mind what?"

She gave me an uneasy look and gulped down the excess saliva in her mouth, "She's probably already telling people that Kyla's older sister is pregnant." Kyla looked at me with those, don't-be-mad-at-me looks.

I closed my eyes and slowly tried not to freak out. That can't be that bad huh? Oh yes it could, "What?! I can't believe---turn around. I'm going to kick her ass." I looked back to see if I could just jump out of the car and beat her. I knew Kyla wouldn't stop the car so I had to weigh out my options.

"No, no. She probably is going to keep her mouth shut, since she▓s my friend and everything." Kyla smiled, she was such a bad liar. But whatever I have to give her props for trying.

"Fine, whatever. I guess being pregnant is a better rumor than being our brother's girlfriend stealer."

"It's not a rumor if it's true..." Kyla smirked as she was switching lanes.

My time to hit Kyla, but it wasn't going to be a wimpy punch, "Ow!! That hurt." Kyla shouted and started to rub her bicep where I punched her.

"You deserved it." Even though the rumor about me stealing Glen's girlfriends away wasn't a rumor. But it only happened twice and they were like really hot. Too hot for Glen that is.

"Fine whatever. Girlfriend stealer." Kyla chuckled. Oh, how I love the sibling teasing.

"Yeah yeah, keep talking prego." I smiled, knowing I probably had hit the spot and ended this. I always get the last word.

Kyla was silent and she continued driving, "Knew that'd shut you up." I laughed and squeezed her cheek, insuring that she wouldn't and couldn't stay mad at me.

"You won, happy? Thank God we are home. Let's go to the bathroom now." Kyla shoved the pregnancy test in her purse and ran into the house. I quickly followed since she never waits for me.

Thank God our parents aren't home, they rarely ever are. So I ran into the bathroom with Kyla and sat on top of the counter. "What's taking you so long, pee!" I have been waiting for her to pee for a good five minutes.

"I can't pee on the spot. You're making me nervous!" Kyla shouted from the toilet.

I sighed, "You want me to run some water? Will that help?"

Kyla laughed, "Shut up, just wait outside the door?"

I rolled my eyes, "Kyla you are everything but shy, but I'll do as you ask." I jumped off the counter and closed the door. I sat outside of the door and heard Kyla pee as soon as I sat down.

"Finally! I'm done!" I heard her yell. She was so cute, she was extremely excited she finally got that over with. Now came the hard part, waiting for the answer. I hoped it was negative. Thinking about it being negative, Kyla and I haven't talked about what happens if it is positive. Maybe we shouldn't think about that, because it's not going to be positive. It's not, it won't.

I waited outside the door and Kyla soon followed with the stick she peed on. I saw her facial expression, I knew what the answer was. I couldn't believe it. "You're so fucking lucky, Ky." I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a nice huge embracing hug. Thank God she is not pregnant, I probably would have died. Kyla looked so relieved and happy. She started to dance around the room. I decided to join her.

"Oh my God, I'm going to go party now. Wanna go? That's what Aiden was calling about earlier. He told me to ask you if you wanted to come. So? I bet you need a drink after all this too."

I smiled, it was true. I did need a drink after all this worrying I've been doing. "Yeah, you're right. I'll join ya."

Kyla smiled and screeched with excitement, "Yes! You haven't gone out with me and Aiden in a while!" Kyla ran out of the room, "I'm going to go get changed!"

I plopped on my bed and shook my head. She was one crazy little sister. I flung open my closet door and sat on my bed and looked at my clothes. I wish Ashley was at this party, but a girl can hope. So might as well dress to impress someone else. I'm starting to get sexually frustrated since the last time I've had sex...well let's just say it's been a while. So why not have some casual sex with some random hot stranger? Might as well get some practice in before Ashley, because I bet she is nothing but amazing in bed. Her toned muscles could hold me down in bed any day. I'd love to take my hand and run it down her-- "Spencer?! Why aren't you getting ready!"

Kyla always manages to stop my day dreams just when they are starting to get good. Kyla stood in my doorway in her bra and tight jeans, "Kyla who are you trying to impress? Aren't you forgetting something...like a shirt?" I chuckled. Sometimes she was so forgetful.

"Uh no, I was just checking on you because it takes you a good hour to get ready. So Aiden says he has this hot lesbian at the party to hook you up with. So look your best."

I rolled my eyes, I so don't trust Aiden's taste. He is dating my sister after all. Kidding. "Ugh, when don't I look my best? Now, get I'm going to get dressed."

Kyla skipped off to her room and I looked through my closet. Well, I don't want to be hooked up with some blind date they always go┘not good. But it doesn't hurt to look really hot. I threw on my tightest pair of jeans and my favorite tee shirt that made me look like I had boobs. Perfect. I fanned out the wrinkles in my shirt and threw my cell phone in my back pocket and headed to Kyla's room. I jumped on the bed and sprawled across it. "So...are YOU ready yet? Is Aiden picking us up?"

Kyla smiled as she was putting on a necklace, "A little help?" She pulled up her hair and squatted down so I could clasp her necklace. "Yup, Aiden should be here any minute if I know him." Kyla twirled around in front of her mirror and watched her flow-y top twirl with her.

"Awesome. So┘for almost being preg you look pretty cute." I smiled, now that she's not pregnant I can make fun of her and joke about it all I want. It's apart of the sibling code.

"Shut it, yes I'm going to drink away all the worries I had over the past weeks." Kyla smiled and reached for her purse. "Got everything? Because I can hear Aiden honking."

I looked around and checked my back pocket for my cell, "Yup, got everything I need. Let's go have some fun," I said as I intertwined my arm into hers and we ran down the steps.

I hopped into Aiden's Nissan Xterra, "Hey Spencer, how've you been?" Aiden was always so nice to me. I don't know why I hated him, I just did most days.

"I'm good, thanks for asking. What's new with you?" Might as well make conversation, I don't know how long this ride to the party was going to be. I usually had a two drink minimum before I started to listen to Dennison speak, but I'll make an exception today.

"Well, I-- my coach just asked me to be the captain of our football team...I think that's about it. So Glen and his new girlfriend are meeting us there, babe." Aiden stopped talking to me, and talked to Kyla. At first I thought he was calling me babe, but I caught on. Wait, did he just say Glen and his new girlfriend? I have to ask to be certain.

"Sorry but, did you say Glen is coming?" I popped my head in between Kyla and Aiden in the front seat.

"Yup, he called me and I invited him. He said he's bringing some new girlfriend he has. I think her name was, Ashley. Ashley something. I've seen her at school before. She's pretty chill." Aiden said as he continued driving while holding Kyla's hand.

Well, boy am I glad I decided to look my hottest. I slowly moved back to my seat and grinned out the window. I was oddly excited to be seeing Ashley at the party. Maybe she will show me her tattoo...or what she has underneath her clothes. Because she has the perfect body. Gosh, I'm getting this warm happy feeling all over my body just thinking about this girl. And I've only met her once, what is wrong with me? But all I want to do is get to know her, know everything about her. I've never felt this way before.

"We're here." Aiden said as he threw his car in park, "Oh Spencer, did Kyla tell you I found this girl for you? I think you'll really like her, she's really hot."

Kyla slapped Aiden on his head and then he fixed his hair, "You can't say any other girl is hot, but me!" Kyla was trying her best to act upset.

He shrugged his shoulders, "What? She's gay. I can say she's hot because she's gay, right?" Aiden looked at me after Kyla continued to pout, "Right Spencer?"

I rolled my eyes, "Whoa I'm not getting in the middle of this. You two work this out, I'm going to head in and grab a beer." I hopped out of the back seat and slammed the door. I adjusted my jeans and pulled them up and headed into the house. I didn't see Glen's car anywhere so I figured Ashley wasn't there yet. I walked into the house like I owned the place and grabbed myself a nice cold beer. It was time to start drinking if I had to meet some date and put up with Aiden and Kyla all night. They already starting fighting for the evening, this should be quite interesting.

I walked up the keg and grabbed a red cup and poured myself a drink. As I was sipping on my beer I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. I expected it to be Aiden showing me this amazingly hot girl he picked out for me but to my surprise it was another hot girl I'd want to not only be tapping my shoulder. "Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked me with her gorgeous brown eyes.

I smiled, "Aiden and Kyla invited me. Not happy to see me?" There we go, turn on the flirt button already. Good job, Spencer.

She smiled with her perfect teeth, "Why wouldn't I be? I'm happy I get to see a familiar face around this party. Didn't think anyone would show up. So you drink beer?" She acting surprise and little impressed. If all I had to do was drink beer to impress this girl, I think I'll have no problem impressing her. But I had a feeling it took way much more than that.

"Hell yes. I mean it's an acquired taste, you get used to it after a while." I smiled as I proudly took another sip of my beer.

Ashley smiled, "Wow Carlin, I can't help but say I'm impressed. I haven't met another girl who loves to drink beer like me. I think I like you already." Ashley smiled and pushed passed me to tap the keg.

"Cheers." Ashley held up her red Solo cup waiting for me to cheers her back.

"Cheers." Cheers Ashley. The perfect girl for me. You're going to be my girl soon Ashley Davies, you just don't know it yet.


	3. Drunk Girl

"Where's Glen?" I guess that wasn't the nicest greeting. But I was so startled to see Ashley picking me up from school and I really wanted to know where Glen was.

"He has a late practice and asked me to pick you up. I'm doing the whole girlfriend duty." She smiled as she had one hand around the passenger seat. "Well, are you just going to stand there? Or are you going to let me drive you home?" She looked so inviting, but I felt kind of embarrassed about the other night. Well not, embarrassed, whatever get in the damn car.

"Thanks for the ride and about the other night---"

"Don't worry about it. We all get love-y when we are drunk. It's forgotten." Well I don't want you to forget it Ashley and I really wish you would have let me kiss you. So you're probably curious to what is going on, this is the aftermath of the party. Didn't I warn you that my life is far from easy? All right, so let me take you back to that night at the party.

I'm up in this random bedroom with Ashley and I'm completely wasted. Wait let me take you before that. So I meet my blind date, who by the way was pretty damn hot. I'm surprised Aiden did such a good job picking her out. So I'm talking to her all night because I was tired of watching Glen make out with Ashley. He was kissing her all wrong, whatever. So I'm talking to this girl and she's all over me and I'm laughing and having a good time. Then I see Ashley staring at me from across the room, she's looking at me and looking this girl up and down. I could tell she was jealous, so I played the hard to get card and boy did that work.

So I'm incredibly drunk and extremely horny and I was all for having meaningless sex with my blind date. So she's hot and I'm ready, so I lead her up the steps as she holds onto my waist and I find an empty room. Score. So she throws me onto the bed, which was really hot by the way. And the only person I can think of is Ashley and how I wish this was her doing it. Boy did that ruin the moment. So this girl is kissing me and lifting my shirt above my head and of course I spoil the moment, "No, I'm going to be sick."

"Shh, shh. You're going to be sick with pleasure Hun." I have to admit if I really wanted her to be doing that I would have went crazy after she said that. But I just wasn't feeling her at the moment, so I wasn't in the mood anymore.

"Seriously, stop. Get off, rain check?" I smiled my innocent smile, hoping she wouldn't get mad at me as I pushed her off me. And let me tell you how hard it was pushing this girl off me. Her lips we so soft and she knew exactly what she was doing and what spots to touch...but I knew I should have ended it there. 

"Really? I've been waiting to satisfy you all night." She smiled, I could tell she really meant that. We've been doing verbal foreplay for a good hour before we made our way up to the bedroom and let me tell you, the things she was saying was making me weak at the knees.

She was extremely persistent and continued to nibble at my neck. My weak spot, so these next words were very hard, "Please, stop."

Then Ashley Davies busts in, while this girl's hand is half way up my shirt. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. I was checking to make sure you were ok and I uh---I'm sorry." Ashley was just about to close the door when I opened my big mouth.

"No really, it's okay. She was just leaving." I looked at the girl in the eyes and she removed her hand from underneath my shirt and pouted out the door. Whatever I'll get her number later if this doesn▓t work out with Ashley tonight. I smile at Ashley, "Thanks, she wasn't taking no for an answer. Sit, make yourself comfortable." I patted the spot next to me and tried to look extremely seductive.

She walked over and sat down as she spoke, "Didn't look like you wanted to say no. Or I wouldn't have thought that since you were all over her all night." She sat down kind of far away from me, at least not as close as I would have liked.

I smile, "Jealous?" Hoping she would say yes. But there was an awkward silence, so she basically answered my question with her silence.

She laughed it off, "Your brother told me to come check on you, so we can take you home." She dodged answering that question, you're a witty one Davies.

"Really, he said that?" It's not like my brother to worry.

"Well his exact words were, see if that slutty sister of mine is done screwing that hot ass lesbian." There we go, that's more like Glen.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. Then I scooted nonchalantly closer to Ashley. She didn't seem to mind. "That's something Glen would say. So ready to leave then? I am." I smiled. Ashley started to adjust her position on the bed and her hand fell on top of mine and I accidentally grabbed a hold of it. And we held hands...for a very long time. I knew she was into me. Her hands were so soft I pictured them all over my body for those minutes we held hands. Then she realized what she was doing and let go.

"Sorry, I'm---"

"Don't be, you have nothing to be sorry about." I comforted Ashley, letting her know I was so into her. She turned towards me and looked at me in the eyes. I could feel her brown eyes staring into my blue ones, I could tell she just wanted to kiss me. I saw her look at my lips then my eyes, I knew I had to make that first move.

I leaned in to kiss her and she moved to the side. Okay did I read her wrong? Is she just a tease? Because I certainly thought I felt something. So of course being drunk I tried again and I got a little peck on her lips without her kissing back. I so did not want this. "I thought--"

"I'm with your brother, sorry." Okay, I thought she was into me.

Might as well say something while I'm drunk, "Sorry, I must have read the situation wrong. I thought you were into me. Sorry, I'm going to go find that girl I pushed away for you." Wow, way to sound demanding.

Ashley gave me this sad eyes but I got up anyways and started to walk out the door. "Don't."

"See, you tell me not to go after this girl, but you won't kiss me? Are you feeding me mixed signals or what?" I placed one hand on my hip after I finished talking.

"No, we have to go. You're brother wants to take us home. So whatever finish whatever you have to do and I'll meet you in the car." Ashley stormed out of the room and flew down the steps. I stood there and sighed and then went right down the steps found the girl I was talking to all night, who would at least admit her feelings for me and got her number. Ashley could of saw, but whatever. That was that.

So now, I am sitting in the car with Ashley and I haven't talked to her since that awful night. I hate this awkward silence thing, so of course I had to open my mouth.

"Mind if I plug my iPod in?" I smiled searching through my book bag for my iPod.

She turned her head and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked with the wind blowing through her hair. "Depends on what music you▓re going to be playing." She smiled, again with that cute nose crinkle and then she looked back at the road.

I pretty much like everything and I knew Ash wouldn't be into country so I thought about what music most people would like. I flipped on my iPod, "Trust me, will ya?"

Ashley smiled, "All right, but if the song sucks---"

"It won't." I kind of sounded irritated, but I just wanted to throw this song on.

She heard the piano intro, I saw her face light up. "You like this song?"

"If you tell me you don't.. I'm going--"

"No, oh my God this is my favorite song. You really are a girl after my heart." Did she just say that out loud? She did, I saw her facial expression. And I totally am after your heart, and I'm going to win it over. You'll see.

I smile basking in this awkward silence waiting for Ashley to cover up what she just said. "I love this song," She started to sing it, "Is it because I can spell confusion with a K? It's hard to like it. It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it, it's to Jimmy eat world," She continued to sing and I listened to her amazing singing voice. Looks like I have something in common with Ashley Davies, Konstantine by Something Corporate was our favorite song.

She pulled into my driveway and I couldn't help but invite her in. "So, wanna come in? Wait for my brother?" I gave her my best smile.

She smiled back, "Sure, why not." She turned off the car engine and followed close behind me. I led her up the stairs into my room. Since I go to this stupid fancy prep school they make us wear uniforms. So I was dying to change out of my uniform. It's so restricting. Ashley plopped down on my bed and I can see she was already making herself comfortable.

Since she was already in my room, I wasn't going to ask her to leave. "Mind if I change? I have to get out of this uniform." I smiled, and a great way to show off my body. I quickly thought about what I was wearing under my uniform, please let it be something cute. What did I put on this morning? Okay my black lacy bra and my black boy shorts, okay phew they match and it makes my butt look really cute.

Ashley was laying on my bed, "Course I don't mind, this is your room and all." She laughed as she flipped through a magazine I had lying on my night stand.

"Okay." I said as I threw off my top and my skirt and threw on some Soffe shorts. I delayed finding a top so she could see me in my favorite push up bra. I was looking through the closet and I slyly turned my head and yup she was definitely checking me out. I caught her looking and she innocently went back to looking at her magazine.

I threw on a tee shirt and it got caught in my belly ring. "Shit." I frantically struggled getting my shirt uncaught, I have no idea how it happened, but it did. Probably because it's one of those danglely ones.

"What's wrong?" She said as she sat up on the bed.

"Damnit, my shirt got caught in my belly ring." I looked over at Ashley as I had my shirt in my hands.

She waved her hand to come to her, "Come here, let me help. I've done this before."

"You have got your belly done?" I believe that just made you ten times hotter and I didn't think that was possible.

"Yeah, but I haven't been wearing a belly ring in a while. I was tired of crap like this happening. Come here, I'll help. I'm a pro." She smiled as she played with my shirt and belly button. But I wanted her to play with something a little lower. Damnit, Spencer get your mind out of the gutter.

"I really love your tattoo. It's so cute around your belly button." Ashley said as she was inches away from my stomach. I could feel her breath leaking onto my skin, it was making me want her so bad. She could sit here and play with my belly ring all day long and I wouldn't mind. She finished getting it unhooked but I wasn't paying attention. I was enjoying her soft, warm touch on my stomach.

"Earth to Spence?" She waved her hands, "All fixed." She smiled. 

I continued standing there in front of her with my stomach exposed. See kept making eye contact but would divert it to my tattoo and then back to me. "So, how bad did that hurt?" She asked as she touched it. Do that again, please.

I smiled, "Hurt like hell at first, but then it was just like a million zillion bee stings and I took it like a pro. Not one tear." I smiled as I sat down on the bed next to her.

"Damn I would have figured you for a wuss." There she goes, flirting again.

I playfully pushed her with my shoulder, "Oh sure. Whatever, you like me because I'm such a badass." I teased her.

She was silent for a bit, "Can I see your tattoo again? I was going to get one just like yours, it's uncanny. So can I?"

I smiled, "You can see my tattoo all you'd like,■ I meant to only think that, whoops.

I lifted up my shirt and leaned back on my elbows. She stared at my tattoo and leaned in closer. She took her finger and traced around the out line of my tattoo. Okay, this is so not what a friend does, she is so flirting with me. Can she feel my skin getting warmer with every passing touch? Because she is making me so hot right now. I smiled and this was awkward silence I wanted. She could touch my tattoo and stare at it all day. It felt amazing. She was amazing.

She leaned in and I thought she was about to kiss my stomach and I was really hoping she would have. She blew air across my belly and I gave her a strange look so she would have to tell me why she just did that.

"Sorry, I'm shedding," She chuckled, "A hair fell off my head and I had to get it off." She was probably thinking that wasn't the best way to get rid of it. She smiled, she was so into me.

I was just about to say something when Glen barged into my room, "What is this?" I quickly shoved my shirt down past my belly button. Ha, maybe Glen will dump her now. Hopefully, then she wouldn't be afraid to have feelings for me.

Ashley was a stuttering mess, "I--I-I, she--she, uhm.." She was so cute. She likes me.

I stepped in and saved her stuttering ass, "She wanted to see my tattoo so I was showing her, okay? Now, don't you know not to come into my room before knocking?"

He stood there with one hand still on the door handle, "Not when you're hitting on my girlfriend." He stood there and had a very angry face on.

I smiled, "I can't help it when your girlfriends are so hot." I loved teasing him.

Ashley chuckled a bit. "Come on Ash, we're going to be late for our movie." Ashley slowly got up.

"Nice hanging out with you, talk to you later?" Ashley smiled at me, painfully awaiting an answer.

"You bet, anytime anywhere." I smiled and walked over to my desk. Glen was so pissed at me. Ashley left the room and Glen stayed to talk to me.

"Spence, seriously stay away from this girl. I'll hurt you." Glen poked me in the chest after he spoke.

I rolled my eyes, "Ooh I'm shaking in my boots." Well I'm not wearing in my boots, I'm shaking in my feet.

Glen turned around but then came back to talk to me again, "Seriously sis, I really like this girl. She's...I don't know different." Glen looked at me with pleading eyes, I knew he actually meant that. And here comes the problem, should I really back off? If he felt so strongly for this girl? But I knew this girl was meant to be mine.

I sighed, deeply. "Fine I'll back off. I won't hit on her anymore." I couldn't help it Glen always dated the hot girls who always had a thing for his hot sister aka me.

He smiled, I could tell he really liked her. "Thanks, that's all I ask. Later little sis." He playfully punched my shoulder and headed down the steps. This wasn't good. I'll back off for now, I'll let Ashley make the moves from now on. And if she does continue to flirt with me, I am prepared to fight for this girl. After all, she was supposed to be mine. 


	4. Wait

A/n: Thanks for the amazing feedback, hope you enjoy this update. Much love.

I backed off like I told Glen, I am a girl of my word. So as hard as the concept seems, I backed off trying to steal Ashley Davies away to be mine. I just don't understand what she even sees in my brother or why she continues to stay with him. Whatever I need to stop thinking about her, that's all I seem to think about these days. I need to concentrate on this hot girl laying on top of me. Yeah, so what? I called that girl Aiden set me up with. I figured might as well date her in the mean time until Ashley comes around. Plus, I figured I would make her jealous.

"Hey Spence, you want to go out and get something to eat?" We were laying on the couch and she had her head on my stomach and her arms wrapped around me. Her name is Keria by the way. She has dirty blonde hair and gorgeous green eyes. She's a really good catch, but she's no Ashley. Stop thinking like that.

I smiled at her as I ran my fingers through her hair. Her hair was incredible soft and it smelled of strawberries. I really tried to stop the next Ashley thought, I really did. I wonder what Ashley's hair smells like and I bet she'd really love it if I ran my fingers through her hair. "Earth to Spence?" She picked her head up from my stomach and looked at me in the eyes.

I smiled as she snapped me out of my Ashley day dream, "I don't think I'm hungry for food, I can eat something else though," I always turned anything into some dirty joke, but I usually mean it. She rarely had anything entertaining or interesting to say, so I'd rather have her lying on her back then having an actual conversation with her.

She grinned, she wanted me bad. She lifted up my shirt inch my inch and started to kiss my belly button. Her warm tongue laced my stomach as I lifted my shirt above my head. "Get over here." I flipped our position and now she was underneath me. And I was in the perfect straddling position. I loved being in control. 

She let out a giggle as she grabbed a hold of my waist and traced her hands up and down my back. I loved passing the time with meaningless sex. The only problem was she didn't think it was meaningless. I've been hanging out with her for about a good two weeks and she's been pressuring me to throw a label on us. I'm so not into calling her my girlfriend. Whatever, so I leaned in and kissed her on those soft lips of hers.

"Are we going to do this out here?" She grinned and asked in between our kisses.

I stopped and looked around the room, "No one is here, no one is coming home. Why not?" I raised one eye brow and I think she wanted us to get caught. She seemed like the person who thrived on that kind of thrill. Me? Not so much, but I knew no one was close to coming home, or so I thought.

I already had Keria▓s shirt off and tossed onto the coffee table next to us and she was just about to unhook my bra when someone walked into our house. I knew exactly who it was by the voice.

"Oh my God, don't stop." That was definitely Glen's perverted ass.

Then I heard someone slap him and say, "That's your sister you perv," yup that was definitely Ashley. She can see me straddling this girl and our shirts are both off, great. I quickly jump off Keria and stood up. 

"I thought you said no one was coming home." She snapped as she looked for her shirt to throw back on. Me on the other hand not thinking, didn't bother looking for my shirt.

I looked at her, "They weren't supposed to be. Glen why are you home?" I crossed my arms and gave him one of those looks.

He laughed, "I live here, remember?" 

"Yeah, come on Keria let's go to my room," I grabbed her hand and was about to walk up the stairs.

I saw the way Ashley was looking at me. Which made me feel incredibly bad that she had to see all of this. I could see how hurt she looked, but you know she wouldn't have to feel hurt if she would just admit her feelings for me and dump my stupid ass brother. She looked at me with her sad brown eyes, and I couldn't help but want to just hug her to tell her this girl didn't mean shit to me.

Keria saw the awkward staring, I'm pretty sure of it. Then she decided to speak, "Uhm, Spence? Should I be leaving you two alone?" I rolled my eyes and I saw Ashley smirk. I turned to look at Keria and she just crossed her arms and waited for a response.

"No, whatever, let's go to my room." She pulled away from my hand and searched for her car keys.

"Whatever, I'm going to go. When you decide you want to commit to a relationship call me and when you get over this girl named Ashley who you keep talking about, let me know." Damnit did she just say that out loud? She didn't know this was Ashley, didn't I tell you this girl did not have a brain. God, I am so dreading making eye contact with Ashley now.

I watched Keria leave and I didn't bother stopping her, which caused her to slam the door and I heard her squeal out of the driveway. I still had yet to make eye contact with Ashley and Glen was calling for her. I quickly looked up at her and I couldn't get a read on her, "Sorry you had to see that." I said as I walked up the stairs.

"Wait," Ashley spoke, thank God. Is she going to say she has feelings for me finally? I stopped half way up the stairs and turned around to look at her on the bottom step.

"Yeah?" Since she never continued her sentence I decided to help her along.

She sighed, "That's okay, you don't have to be sorry. Sorry, Glen and I spoiled the moment." Damnit Ashley, I know that's not what you wanted to fucking say. Err, now I'm kind of ticked. My sex slave just walked out of the door and I was all wet and ready. Now, I have to go back to my room sexually frustrated. Thanks a bunch Ashley.

"Whatever, I'm over it." It came out really harsh and I didn't bother waiting for her response. I stopped into my room and slammed the door. It wasn't a full out slam, but it was a decent slam to let her know I'm frustrated.

I opened my desk drawer and decided to write in my composition book. My therapist tells me to write everything down when I'm extremely upset or the polar opposite. She just tells me to write anything and everything. Oh right, I go to a therapist once a month. Well I first started going to a therapist when I was young because my parents thought I had this anger problem. I'll tell you the stupid reason why. I was--- I think about thirteen almost fourteen years old and me and Kyla were fighting about something who really cares what or about. I think I kissed her boyfriend or something. Anyways, we were fighting and then I pushed her and she fell like a clumsy ass and she slipped and hit her head on my bed frame. Her head cracked open and me and Kyla just laugh about the whole thing. But oh no, my parents thought I had anger issues and pushed her with rage.

So that's when I started going to a therapist. It use to be more frequent but then my parents changed it to once a month. To tell you the truth I really don't need to be seeing one, but me and her forged this bond and I couldn▓t' stop seeing her. I love just to talk to her about everything and anything. And it's nice talking to someone who won't actually judge you. So it's nice seeing her the first of every month. But that's why I have a therapist. And that's why I write. A lot of the time I write just to escape my own mind, but right now I'm just writing to write.

I dozed off with my composition book in my arms. I fell asleep with my iPod in and my book in my hands, it was like a scene from a movie. I was startled awake once again my Ashley sitting on my bed. I wonder how long she has been sitting there staring at me. I opened my eyes and she was just smiling at me like an angel. I took off my ear buds and tossed my book to the side. "Hi," were the only words I let escape my mouth. I tried to restrain myself when she was around me, I promised Glen I'd back off. 

Then I noticed she was wearing one of Glen's shirt and his boxers. I'm about to be sick, please don't tell me she just had sex with him. Excuse me while I barf. 

"Hey, how are you feeling? Still mad?" Ashley did that nose crinkle smile and gave me her pouty eyes. Damn you.

I smiled, "Nope." I'm trying these one word answers with her, hopefully she will just let me be. She makes it harder when she always comes around and talks to me. So I'll have to try my cold angle. She probably saw the question look on my face as I was staring at her in Glen's clothes.

"Oh, if your wondering why I'm wearing Glen's clothes," she nervously laughed, "He spilled fruit punch all over my clothes and let me borrow some of his. He told me to come in here and just borrow your clothes, but I didn't want to make you mad or anything." She smiled, she looked kind of embarrassed she was wearing his clothes. But she looked extremely hot wearing oversized clothes.

"Oh you could have, I wouldn't mind. They probably would look better on you anyways," So that backing off thing didn't last that long. Damnit, no Spencer come on stop. She's not going to do anything about it anyways.

She rested her hand on my thigh and looked up at me. I looked at her hand and looked back at her. Maybe this is one of those Ashley day dreams again. Because multiple times I've pictured her hand all over my thigh. Say something, idiot. "Umm, so get tired of Glen?" Probably not the best question because she immediately removed her hand.

She looked at the wall as she spoke, "So, where have you been the last couple weeks? I've kept checking your room when I was over and you were no where to be found."

"I was with Keria," whoops. That kind of just slipped out. At least I didn't say I was having sex with Keria to get you off my mind, but look how well that worked. You're still on my mind and now you're on my bed.

She looked at me with a hurt expression, "Oh. Sorry for like wrecking that relationship for you."

I shrugged, "Eh, it was doomed to begin with."

"Why?" Ashley looked back at me.

"Because I like someone else." Yeah you dummy.

"Really? Who?" Did she really just ask that, I think it's quite obvious.

"Just some girl, who won't admit her feelings for me." Ha, hope she gets the hint.

Ashley smiled, "Spence," There was a long serious pause. I figured she was going to list all the reasons why she wouldn't or couldn't be with me. "I should go." I was wrong.

"Don't please?" I looked up at her with my pleading eyes.

She smiled and sat right back down. "You know when you were not around these past weeks, I've missed our little conversations like this."

You make this hard girl. "Yeah well, it's hard to be around you. I know you're going out with my brother but I just feel---feel this weird connection between us." Yup, I went out and said it. I shouldn't sacrifice my happiness for Glen. He would get a new girl in like--- within the hour.

"I know what you mean. I just felt like you were mad at me and avoiding me and I wanted to know why. I just, don't run off on me again." Ashley smiled at me. Remind me why I haven't made another move on her. So I slowly shifted my weight and sat up closer to Ashley on the bed. I was inches away from her face.

"I was avoiding you. My brother told me to back off. He thinks I could steal you away from him." She should know the truth.

"Well, he's right." Ashley looked down at her lap then slowly looked at me in the eyes.

Okay, did she just say that? I think that was my opening to make a move on her. Come on, you are inches away from this gorgeous brunette with amazing brown eyes, just do it. I took my hand and pulled her face into mine. She went for it. I slowly pressed my soft lips onto hers. Oh my God, kissing Ashley Davies was heaven. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and massaged my tongue with hers, wait did I just feel a tongue ring? Oh my, I did. She just got even hotter, I can't wait to try out that tongue ring somewhere else. She pulled away and looked at me in the eyes. She jumped off my bed like I had the plague. 

She held the door handle and wiped off her lips, "I can't." And there she went. 


	5. Bad Days

**A/n: Okay, sorry for the delay in update I meant to update this sooner but life kind of got in the way. So hope you enjoy.**

I sat there on the bed, slightly confused at what just happened. I thought about it for a good two seconds and naturally, I chased her down the hall. It was too late she was already in Glen's room. I couldn't just barge into his room...and tell him what? I need to talk to Ashley because she just stopped kissing me with her amazing lips. I doubt that would go so well. This girl is getting so hard to chase I'm almost thinking she's not worth the time, or headache she's been giving me. Wait, don't think like that. She's worth it. Just kissing her for those five seconds would make anything worth it.

So I barged in. And I really shouldn't have. From the time she spent kissing me, she was already straddling my brother kissing him. She really doesn't take long to bounce back. "What the fuck, sis?" Glen said with his head poking around Ashley's body. Ashley looked over her shoulder and looked at me. I looked deep into her brown eyes, searching for an I'm sorry or something. I didn't see that.

"My bad, I needed to talk to you." Now, I'm just going to make up some lame ass lie.

He scoffed and laughed a bit, "Well, can it wait? I'm kind of busy here with my girl," Really, your girl? Did your girl just tell you that she was kissing me two minutes ago down the hall? I didn't think so, she should be MY girl, but whatever.

"Whatever, fuck her all you want. She's all yours." That was really harsh, and I kind of glared at Ashley the entire time I spoke. She didn't take it lightly. She hopped off Glen and started to gather her things. "I've got to go," She said as she moved hair out of her face. She was still so beautiful when she was flustered.

"Don't go. Don't let my stupid sister ruin our moment. Spencer? Get the hell out of my room, now!" He yelled, and shoved me out of the door. Before I could get any words out he slammed the door in my face. I slowly walked back to my room to hear the action from Glen's room. I heard a door slam and two pairs of feet stomp down the stairs. Yup, I definitely just made Ashley leave our house. Way to go, me.

I hopped on my bed and was just about ready to throw on my shoes so I could follow Ashley...hopefully Kyla will lend me her car. I felt somewhat bad how I just left things so I had to talk to her. Before I had finished putting on my left shoe, Glen came barging into my room.

"What did you do to her?!" He was infuriated. I rolled my eyes and continued to put on my shoe. He waltzed over and took my shoe out of my hand and threw it at my wall, knocking frames that I had mounted on my wall. Bad idea Glen.

"What the fuck was that?! I did nothing, maybe it was your stupid ass." I stood up and looked at him in the eyes. I pushed him towards my closet and went to find my shoe on the floor.

"Hell no," Glen pushed me onto the floor. What the hell, I've never seen him this crazy. Maybe he did get my father's genes after all.

"Glen!? Don't push me, I am a girl after all." I brushed off my clothes, composed myself, and stood up. He pushed me against my closet door and he was inches away from my face. I could feel his harsh breathing on my face, "I told you to stay away from her. If you could just do this once, I really like this girl, so stay the fuck away."

"Or what?" I smirked at him.

"Or, you'll be sorry." I saw his glazed look in his eyes, I remembered that look. I knew what that look was, I knew he was serious. I knew he would hurt me someway, somehow if I didn't do as he asked. I knew exactly what that look meant, his eyes said it all.

"Fine. I hate you right now," I turned to the side so I could slip out of his grip. He wouldn't budge. He held me there and then pounded inches away from my face and punched the door behind me. Which caused me to jump. I don't like this side of him.

"Hate me all you want. I'm still your big brother." He smiled and then slammed the door on the way out. So much for leaving to follow Ashley. I fell to the floor and started to cry. Who really knows why I was crying, could of been from fear, could of been from anger, or could of been that I knew I'd never get Ashley Davies as long as Glen stood in my way. I wiped the tears away from my face, but it didn't stop them from streaming down like rainfall. I laughed a bit when I saw that I was still wearing a shoe on my right foot. I slipped it off and angrily tossed it aside. Time for bed. I can't worry about this all night. I slowly crawled into my bed and hid underneath the covers. I no longer felt safe. So I hid underneath those covers as if it was a protective force field. Then I continued to sleep like a baby.

I woke up in the morning and dreaded asking Glen for a ride to school today. I mean he usually drops me off and picks me up, but after last night I'd figure he'd make me walk. I hopped in the shower and thought about my options. As I massaged the shampoo in my hair, Kyla barged into my bathroom. "Doesn't anyone knock around here? Kyla can't you see I'm busy?"

"I really had to pee. I'm sorry, I'm not looking!" Kyla shaded her eyes as she ran to the toilet.

I laughed, "Whatever." Kyla finished her business then quickly darted out the door, but not before speaking, "Hey Glen left for school early today. He said he had to patch things up with his girlfriend or something. So, I'll take you to school today, cool?"

Light bulb, "Hey wait, do you mind if I borrow your car today?"

"Nope, but why?" Kyla leaned against the door frame as she listened carefully. The noise of the running water made it hard for both of us to hear.

"Well, I want to go visit Keria after school," That's a lie, "And she's mad at me so I have to just ambush her. So can I drop you off at school and then Aiden can give you a ride home?" I smiled as I peeked my head out of the shower curtain, "Please?"

"I already said yes. Well, hurry up I don't want to be late." Kyla ran out of the bathroom and finished getting dressed.

I quickly rinsed out my hair and hurriedly put in conditioner and then rinsed that out. I wrapped a towel around my chest and then walked into my room. "Holy shit. What are you doing here?" To my surprise it was Keria, someone I really didn't want to see. I dried my hair with a towel as she spoke.

"Sorry for scaring you but I felt bad how I stormed off yesterday. We're still good, right?" Regardless of how much I wanted Ashley, this girl standing before was still cute and I guess will do for now.

"Sure, we're good." I smiled walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Can I give you a lift?" She turned towards the closet as I searched for my uniform.

"Thanks, but I'm borrowing Kyla's car---" Shit, Kyla probably let her in. I just told her that lie, damnit. Now, I can't borrow the car for real reasons, well maybe she'll still let me.

"You're borrowing her car and what? You kind of never finished your sentence."

"Oh sorry, hold on. I have to go talk to Kyla for a sec." I stormed out of my room in a towel.

I whipped open Kyla's door, "Hey, so I see you're patching things up with Keria? So, I'm guessing you don't need my car then. Good, because Aiden is getting on my nerves."

There goes making up another lie to get the car so I can go see Ashley without Glen knowing. I gritted my teeth and smiled, "Sure no problem. I'm going to get dressed now. Keria's giving me a ride to school." I rolled my eyes at the last part. The last thing I wanted was to spend more time with this girl, but whatever she'll due.

I walked back into my room and Keria was of course still sitting there on my bed. Oh joy. "Hey, never mind. You still wanna give me that lift?" I smiled, I knew a dirty joke was coming next. At least I was thinking one.

"I want to give you more than a lift before school." She walked up behind me and grabbed me. She ran her hand up my bare thigh and my senses couldn't help but tingle. I turned around to face her, "I--I'd love to babe, but I've got this huge test first thing and I can't be late." Man, I'm just on a big old lying streak this morning. People say the best thing to start your day with is breakfast, well in today's case the best thing to start my day with was a bunch of lies.

She smiled, she bought it. She gave me a passionless kiss on the lips, nothing like Ashley's in case you're wondering. "All right, get dressed I'll be waiting downstairs in the car." I really hated not having my own car, it really sucked. Always depending on people driving me everywhere. My parents always said they want me concentrating on my school work and driving places would detour me from that. But Glen and Kyla get one because their focus is sports and clubs. But me? I have to hit the books and be my mother's prodigy surgeon...whatever.

I finished getting dressed, grabbed my books, and jumped into Keria's car. She leaned over and greeted me with a kiss, I was kind of startled at first, but I managed to return the kiss. I skipped up the school steps and of course I was late. So I was hurrying up when all of a sudden I bumped into this random chick. "What the fuck, watch where you're going." She scoffed and didn't bother to help me pick up the papers I dropped every where. What a bitch.

"Bitch," I must have said it out loud because I was certainly thinking it a lot. So sometimes words tends to slip out of my mouth without me noticing. Damn, I hope she didn't hear. I slyly looked up at her as I was shoved my papers back into my hands. I saw her walking away then of course she turned around.

"What?" She stopped in her tracks, I so wasn't in the mood for her attitude nor for a fight. I was dealing with Ashley and how I screwed up there, I was dealing with Glen's physocitc break, and there was just so much going on in this tiny little head of mine I really cannot deal with this stupid fucking bitch.

I rolled my eyes stood up with all my papers and looked at her. If I wasn't completely pissed of at her, I may have noticed how hot this girl was, "Whatever, thanks for your help," Of course I said it as sarcastically as I could and then scurried off to my class. I didn't bother to turn around to see if I got that bitch good, but whatever.

"Ah, Miss Carlin glad you can bless us with your presence. Ah five minutes late as usual, going to rattle off some excuse today?" Well, yeah this bitch knocked me over in the hallway and I wouldn't really have been that late if I had to pick up all my papers, but whatever.

"I'm still you're favorite student either way." I smiled and the rest of the class laughed. Mr. Deveraux could pretend he was mad at me all he wants, but I'm just one of those loveable people you can't stay mad at. So he continued to rattle off his lecture.

One of my best friends turned to me while the teacher turned his back, "Hey you whore how do you always get away with being late, girl? You're one lucky bitch," She was just about to say another word when she was rudely interrupted.

"Chelsea, how many times to I have to tell you to be quiet? One more time and I'm sending you to the headmaster." He turned back around and continued to write notes I should be taking on the board.

I turned to her and covered my mouth and held in my laughter. She was right, I was lucky. She mouthed, "I hate you" To me then of course a giggle slipped out and he thought it was Chelsea. "Miss Lewis, mind telling me what's so funny back there?" I really wanted to burst out with hysterical laughing, but I had to save my girl.

"Mr. D, that was me laughing, my bad." I smiled and looked back at Chelsea. She was starting to get a little pissed, he's hated her ever since I can remember, who knows why.

"That's very nice of you to try and cover for your friend, but Miss Lewis one more out burst from you and you're outta here. Anyways, back to what I was teaching---" I droned him out from there. He was kind of an ass, but whatever he likes me. Oh and my best friend Chelsea, I met her since I've been going to this stupid stuck up prep school. She's pretty much the only cool one out of the bunch. I don't get to see her as often as I'd like just because her parents have her on such a tight leash. Parents really shouldn't keep their kids on a tight leash because once they are freed from that tight leash they just go do something stupid, and wind up ten times worse than a kid who wasn't held back as a kid. But whatever, Chelsea is still the best person in my book.

I looked over at her and started to make a face. I'll admit I was being a jerk for trying to get her kicked out of class. But whatever it was entertaining. This boring class finally let out and I just went through the rest of my day, until I got to my last class. The day was going good, until I got to that class. I sat in my usual seat and then the teacher talked to us before class, "Class, a new student will be joining us today, her name is Carmen. So let's everyone welcome her," I rolled my eyes, this was that stupid bitch who ran into me this morning. What a way to make a first impression at a new school. Ugh, stop looking at me, now. I just shoot her the evil eye and then look at my paper.

"Hey," Of course she sits down in the only open seat in the class, which happens to be right next to me. And wait, why is she speaking to me, in this nice tone? Whatever, I'll amuse myself by saying something.

"Hi," I snapped out then went right back to pretending I was sketching something important on my paper.

"Uhm, sorry about earlier. It was early, and I'm not a morning person. Truce?" What, truce? I just---whatever I can't deal with you right now, so I guess.

"Yeah sure." And back to sketching something important.

"You're going to be a bitch and make life a living hell aren't you?" She snapped at me. Oh my God, this girl needs to calm down. I can't deal with her, I want to finish this class, go home, and pray to God that Ashley's at my house today so I can talk to her about last night.

"No, I'm not. I just got a lot of stuff going on right now and I'm not in the mood to talk. Okay? I'm sorry, I'm Spencer and tomorrow I'll be nicer." I hope she got the damn hint. I mean sure this girl was hot but did she really have to fulfill the stereotype, that we can't have brains and beauty. Anyways, Carmen finally let off me and I jetted out of school. I was surprised to see my brother there picking me up. Great.

"Hey sis." I just sat in the car, didn't bother saying hello. "What's wrong?"

I looked at him with once of those, like-you-don't-know looks. And he pretty much got the point. "Look. I'm sorry about last night, I don't know what came over me. I just--I-I don't know, I just freaked out and I'm sorry. I was starting to scare myself last night, I'm sorry, forgive me?" He drove while he pleaded with me, as long as he promises never to let this happen again. But I know how those promises go, no one can keep them. Plus, if he couldn't control last night, how can I be so sure? But whatever, he's my brother.

"As long as you promise not to ever let it happen again." I re-crossed my arms and awaited his answer.

"You got yourself a promise." He smiled and reached over and messed up my hair.

I smiled, I loved my brother no matter what. He was always there when I needed him. "Good, because you scared the shit outtta me last night." I slowly recalled last night and never wanted a repeat ever again. But I could do a repeat of Ashley's tongue inside my mouth, because that I could repeat every day. Damn that girl is so hot. I want that girl so bad, and she needs to be mine. Ugh, I need to talk to her.

"Ashley---huh what?" Damnit, what the hell did he just ask me. All I know is I just answered Ashley and hopefully my not so smooth cover up worked.

Glen looked over at me confused, "I asked what you were thinking about over there, because you look deep in thought." Damnit, and I definitely just answered Ashley. I'm assuming he didn't hear me. Thank God.

Make up some lie, "I was thinking about me a Keria. She's been--"

"You've been having sex haven't you? Didn't I tell you wait until marriage?" That's my brother for you. He's back to him good ole 'self.

"Shut up,■ I shook my head, "You know I can't wait that long." I smirked.

"Ugh, I don't want to hear about my sister having sex. But I would like to hear about some other girl on girl action--" I need to cut him off there. He gets detailed.

"Glen! You're such a perv! And a fucking horn dog." I punched him on the shoulder. I'm glad we are back to normal and I don't have to fear my brother too. So that's good. I walked into our house and I saw Ashley sitting on our couch talking to Kyla. God she was beautiful. She looked up at me and gave me an innocent ashamed look. It was so cute. I smiled at her and then walked into my room.

"Hey, Spence mom and dad want us to have dinner as a family tonight and they want to meet your girlfriend...not you Spence, Glen." Shit, Ashley just heard I have a girlfriend, well she thinks I do, but I don't. Thanks Kyla. I quickly look over at Ashley and try to say something with my eyes, but she doesn't look at me.

"Yeah all right, I'll be down for dinner. Until then, I'll be in my room." I kind of sounded angry and pissed off at the world, but I am. I am pissed off at this world until I can be with Ashley and get to know her more. Why can't life be fair?

I don't know how long I was waiting in my room, just wishing and hoping Ashley would barge in and have her way with me. So all this praying, wishing, and hoping Ashley would barge into my room panned out. Although, she didn't have her way with me like I really hoped, but at least she's here standing before me.

"Hey, Spence, how was school today?" Gosh, it's going to be like this isn't it? Filled with small talk, awkward conversations, and anything that doesn't lead to us eventually dating.

"It was whatever. School, that's all you came in here for?" I looked at her, I knew it wasn't. So just spill, Davies.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see how you are doing," Ashley trailed off and made circles on the floor with her right foot.

I kind of rolled my eyes, I wasn't in the mood for anything today. "Well, you found out." I looked down at the my notebook and just ignored the fact Ashley was standing there. I realized she'd never leave my brother or admit her feelings for me. So why bother torching myself.

Ashley sounded hurt as she spoke, "Did I do something wrong? What's with the harsh tone?" She wasn't leaving easily. I'm glad she's finally showing some emotion.

I hopped off my bed and shut my door, "What's wrong is---" I'm just going to lay it all out and see what the hell she says. What do I have to loose anyways? "What's wrong is you and I had this amazing kiss last night and you freak out on me and leave. You act like it never happened---well I hate to break it to you it did! And I loved it, it was amazing. I want to kiss you again, I want to get to know you more, I want to know everything about you, I want to tell you everything about me. Just please tell me you want this too." I looked up at her, if she said no I'd probably die right here. If she said no, I'd have to back off for real.

I looked into her eyes, her deep brown eyes that were staring back at me. I couldn't help but smile when I looked at her, I probably looked like a smiling idiot right now. I loved how her hair looked all bouncy and curled, so cute. Okay, snap out of it, she's supposed to be answering a question. You're lucky you're hot Miss Davies, or else I wouldn't give you this long to think about your damn answer. Times up, "So---?" I made hand gestures.

Ashley slowly looked up at me with her smiling face. I knew my answer just by her face, "I-I do." I smiled and quickly walked up to her so I could cup her face in my hands and kiss her like I so badly wanted to. But she backed away and brushed my hands away, "But I can't." Her face grew sad.

"Well why the hell not?" I'm looking into her eyes and how I so badly wanted to break up Ashley and Glen because Glen was the only person standing in the way of being with this great girl. I've pretty much had it with excuses for the day, I really don't even care what Ashley has to say. But let's see if she even has anything to say. I crossed my arms and waited.

"I better go," Ashley said as she started to head out. I hope she doesn't expect me to say anything or chase after her, because I'm not doing it. I'm not in the mood today, she really needs to snap out of whatever she...whatever.

"Fine, whatever." I said it as if I didn't care, probably hurt her feelings because she turned a bit and looked up at me with her sad eyes. I just stared at her then plopped on my bed. No better time for a nap to sleep off---every thing.

"Get your ass up! You're late for dinner, dad's pissed." Kyla shook me awake. Fuck, I'm late. They hate it when I'm late.

"Damnit!" I threw off my blanket and yelled at Kyla like it was her fault, "Why didn't you come get me sooner!? Kyla, they are--whatever you should have woke me up earlier!"

"What's your problem? They are just going to yell at you later." Yeah and probably---whatever. Fine, I can take it.

"Nothing, whatever, is Ashley still here?" I asked Kyla as I was running down the steps with her to get to dinner.

Kyla smiled, "You really like this girl huh? And yup, she is still here with Glen," She emphasized Glen. Yeah yeah, I know she's going out with Glen. Ugh, I have to deal with all of this at the dinner table with my parents. Oh joy.

"Nice of you to join us Spencer," my dad spoke with the harshest tone you could imagine. I just wish I wasn't late for dinner.

"Hi mom, how was work?" I smiled at my mother as I brushed off my jeans as I sat.

She looked up at me, "Horrible. We had tons of victims from this car pile up, it was just horrible. We were short handed and I had like ten patients at a time, but we only had like two deaths out of a lot patients so I guess it wasn't that bad. But still it was crazy all day," I'm sorry I asked mother. I don't even want to talk to my father, what an ass. I can't wait until I graduate from school and go to Northwestern in Chicago where I will study for whatever I want to be out there. I just need to get far, far away.

"Oh, sorry. I'm glad everything turned out okay then." I pushed around my mashed potatoes on my plate. I really wanted dinner to be over, I hated family things. I'm glad we only got together once a week for dinner. I looked over at Ashley, God how she was beautiful. I so badly wanted to kiss those soft lips---

I was interrupted by my father, "Spencer! Aren't you going to ask about my day?"

"Sure why don't you tell me about it?" I rolled my eyes, if I had a gun---well I don't know what I'd do with it but I might just--stop pay attention to your father.

"Well, I had a couple of troubled patients today but you know I can't really talk about it. It was a good therapy session today for the group. But anyways, how was your day Spencer?"

I smiled, "It was---" I was interrupted by Glen.

"Mom, Dad, I heard a rumor going on at school about Spencer," I shot a glare at Kyla, I had a feeling what was going to come out of his mouth. I shot a look at Glen, pleading he wouldn't say whatever he was going to say. He doesn't know how much pain this is going to cause.

"What's this rumor?" My mother asked Glen. She looked intrigued.

"Well this girl who's on the cheerleading squad," I knew exactly where this was going. Shit, damnit, oh my God. I didn't catch what Glen said in the middle because I was busy freaking out in my head but I caught the end of his story, "She said Spencer was pregnant and bought a pregnancy test from her at the store."

I looked up at everyone at the table. Everyone's eyes were on me. Even Ashley's. She looked slightly confused. Well, I wasn't going to rat out Kyla for this, might as well take the blame for all this. I closed my eyes and thought about what was going to happen. I'm not going to say anything, pretend like you didn't hear. But of course my father isn't going to let this go, "Spencer, you're what? You bought what? You don't tell ---Spencer well?"

I looked at him, I could see his eyes. Nothing I'd say would matter, "It doesn't matter, I'm not pregnant and that's all you have to fucking worry about." Oh my God, I didn't mean to get all personal about it. I just knew what was coming.

"Go to your fucking room slut." My father stood up in his chair and pointed up the stairs. Damnit I had to go and piss him off, shit, well I knew this would come eventually. Better me than Kyla.

I looked over at Ashley before I left the dinner table, I could see in her eyes she felt uncomfortable and she wanted to talk to me about all this. She looked mildly concerned about me and she had every reason to be. Didn't I tell you my life wasn't easy? Well, it's about to get a whole lot more complicated, with a bunch of pain attached. Stick around if you dare. It's going to get a whole bunch more complicated from here.


	6. Spin

**A/n: Hey thanks for all the feedback, love it. Here's another update, I'll try and get another update over the weekend but I know I'll be crazy busy. So I can't promise anything, but I'll try. Enjoy!**

I can't feel anymore. I can't feel what I should be feeling at the moment. In case you were wondering, I can't feel anything anymore. The only time I had felt something was with that amazing girl named Ashley. She brought something to look forward to in my day, she is what I am concentrating on right now.

I used to concentrate on another memory, it was my favorite memory to concentrate on during a time like this. It was Christmas Day and, of course, there wasn't snow out here in Los Angeles but my dad climbed on top of the roof and had fake snow. My mother woke me up and told me it was snowing outside, I ran down the steps as fast as humanly possible and ran up the window the tree was next to. All I saw was snow falling in front of our Christmas tree, it was the best memory I have ever had with my father and mother for that matter. It was the memory I had to concentrate on, to escape from this. I had to remember that, there was good in my father somewhere, and there was a long time ago.

But I had something better to concentrate on, Ashley Davies. Her long, flowing brunette hair with those amazing curls. I looked up at my father with my wide eyes, shaking my head to whatever he was screaming into my ear as he pulled my hair, but I couldn't feel it. I was busy escaping my body, and Ashley was my escape.

I hated my father, but I think I hated my mother more. Probably because she knew what was going on, but continued to let it happen. I feel as if that is worse than what he is doing now. "Are you even fucking listening to me? Listen to me God damnit!" I heard him loud and clear right before he slammed my head into my head board. That one kind of stung for a bit. I no longer could use Ashley as my escape I had to pay attention to my father and answer him in detail or else...well or else.

"Yes I hear you!" I said as loudly as I could. I knew better than to yell loud so anyone could hear. Everyone just assumed dad was the hardest on me and they knew he yelled and screamed at everyone, so to them this was all normal. My brother and sister don't know what else goes on besides the yelling.

"You don't ever spoil our Carlin family name like that again you fucking slut! Don't you ever, I know you are a whore so you're going to sleep around as you please, but be fucking smart about it. Ruin our family name again like that and you'll know what it's really like to get a fucking beating." He yanked on my hair and dragged me across my floor. I kicked a bit, but I knew better than to fight back. It only ended worse if I did. The less I said, the less I did, and I never screamed, if I did all of that this should be over soon.

"Yes, sir. I understand." I said as I lied on the floor with his hands still clenching my hair. I would never cry in front of him, I figured it would give him some sort of pleasure to see my cry from this pain. It hurt, but I needed to think other thoughts. Ashley. Ashley. Ashley kissing me on my bed, right over there. I can see it, I wish I could literally go back to that exact moment right now. I'd give anything.

"And to make you understand...I'm going to show you how serious I am." I haven't heard this one before. He walked over to my door and locked it. I slowly got up off the floor. "You better kneel right there." I froze like a deer in the middle of the street. I felt my hands starting to shake, my lips quiver, I didn't know what was going to happen next, I was scared. He's never sounded like that before. He usually slapped me around a few times, slammed my head against the wall, screamed into my ear, but I don't know what's going to happen next and this is what scares me.

I watched him undo is belt, the worst thoughts were entering my brain. I saw him snap it, "Lift up your shirt, bitch," I looked at him, tried to plead with my eyes for a second, I knew this one was going to hurt. And it was going to leave a mark, which he was always so careful not to do. I knew he was serious. I slowly lifted up my shirt and watched him wind up his arm and snap his belt onto my bare back. My back arched with pain, I let out a slow, quiet whimper and squeezed my eyes tight. I will not--- I refuse to let these tears escape my eyes.

Ashley, just think of Ashley. I thought of her until I felt the cold leather belt hit my back yet again. I slowly tried to go back to my escape, but the faster the whips came the harder it became to escape what was happening to me. It was pointless, I was feeling everything. How could he do this? He finally stopped. But not before he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back and whispered into my ear, "If you think that hurt, try and spoil our family name again." He threw my head forward and I braced myself on the floor. I waited until I heard him leave the room.

My back was on fire, I could feel every inch of my back burning. It was the most pain I had felt from one of my father's beatings. At least it wasn't Kyla, I'd never let this happen to her. I crawled to my bed and held my knees against my chest and slowly started to sob. I always let it out once he left. I swore to myself he'd never get pleasure out of my tears. At least it wasn't Kyla, that's all I had to keep repeating to myself. To keep myself somewhat sane I just had to keep repeating to myself that I couldn't and wouldn't let this happen to Kyla.

Speaking of her, "Hey sis," She whispered as she slowly shut my door. "I heard dad yelling...you must have got a serious grounding or something this time. I haven't heard him yell like that in a while, you okay?" She walked over next to me and sat on the bed with me. I was still crying but I was slowly trying to hide it from her.

She started to rub my leg and console me, "Hey it couldn't be that bad, could it? What did he ground you? Take away your phone?" Kyla didn't know why I was crying, nor would she ever.

I forced out a smile, "I uh he didn't take anything away, I just hate it when he yells at me. It gets to me ya know? And you're welcome for taking the blame." I had to give her shit for it, because probably deep down I was pissed at her for not speaking up. But again, I knew better me than her. I'm her big sister, I'd never let her feel this pain.

She slowly smiled, "Sorry, I just was waiting for you to say something and you already took the blame I really didn't know what to do and I thought dad would probably kill me and mom would be so disappointed in me and probably kick Aiden out of our house forever and--" I had to stop Kyla there, I had no idea what the hell she was saying. She just kept rambling on and on about who knows what.

"Kyla!" I grabbed her shoulders and didn't realize how much that was going to hurt my burning back. "It's okay, okay? Just--I'd rather be alone, please? I'd rather get this cry out on my own," And my back is killing me and I just need to be alone. Crap, I forgot to ask about Ashley. She was looking at me when I was getting yelled at the dinner table.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone. But seriously call me if you need anything." Kyla smiled and sat on the bed with me for a bit.

I heard my door open and we both turned to look who it was. I was hoping for Ashley, wait I don't want her to see me like this. "What the hell do you want? Get out of my room." It was my mother of course. It took her longer than usual to come into my room after my father yelled and abused me.

"Spencer, be nice she's our mom." Kyla didn't know, so I guess she can be naive and like our mother. I rolled my eyes at her.

"No, what do you want mother?" I crossed my arms and stared at her. She did look kind of sad that I hated her, but I hated her for all the right reasons.

"I was just checking on you---but since I see you're doing all right and Kyla's here I'll go." She slowly walked out of the door but not before saying something else to try and make me feel better.

"I'm just going to leave you some money on your table over here. Go shopping or something, take Kyla's car. You deserve it." I heard her leave money on the table, I wonder how much it was this time. She always leaves money, I don't know why. Probably to buy me out, so I wouldn't say anything. I need to stop thinking about this, makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs.

"Yeah sure, you can leave now mom." I heard her left. Who cares if she's sad or pissed off at the way I act towards her after nights like this. She fucking deserves it.

"Well, I'll go now," Kyla got up but before she left I had to know.

"Hey wait, how's Ashley? The scene at the dinner table didn't make her--"

"Uncomfortable? It made me uncomfortable and I live here. But she's in Glen's room. She looked concerned about you though, if that's the answer you wanted."

I smiled, it was what I wanted to hear. "But you know she's with Glen." And that's not what I wanted to hear. I forgot for just a split second. "Thanks Kyla."

She left the room and I slowly went to lie on my back, but I almost forgot that it well you know. I hate saying it, so I try not to think about it even. The less I think about what just happened makes it less real.

I reached into my drawer for some of my hidden stash of pain pills. I needed something to make my back stop burning, it was killer. I downed a few and then walked over to my closet to find a shirt that would cling less to my back. Hopefully, this pain subsides by the end of the week. I don't know how long I can take it. Spencer stop thinking about it...it just hurts worse this way.

"Hey, I thought you could use a friend," I want more than your friendship Davies, but I can use a friend. I smiled as I heard her voice and I quickly threw on that shirt before she caught a glimpse of my back. It was probably no longer a tan skin color but probably extremely red.

"I can use a friend right now," I slowly walked over to my bed and sat down. I didn't invite Ashley to sit next to me because I don't know why.

"Mind if I sit?" Ashley smiled and walked closer to me.

"Of course I don't mind," I patted the spot next to me. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I truly just needed to be alone with my thoughts. But since Ashley was here, I'll take it. I'd give anything just to feel her soft skin on top of mine---stop. I can't think like that right now.

"So I heard your father yelling at you, are you okay?" She smiled and looked into my eyes, but I refused to make eye contact and looked at the floor.

"Yeah, I'll live." I wiped away my tear stained cheeks and I felt another tear streaming down.

"Hey, it doesn't look like your okay," She smiled and turned my face towards hers and wiped away the tears that fell from my face. I felt my cheeks get flush and I knew I was starting to blush. This is unlike me, I don't blush. Man what this girl does to me.

I couldn't help but smile as she held my face in her hands, "Thanks."

She released her hands from my face and smiled, "For what?"

"For being here. It means a lot. So thanks." I smiled and then looked back at the floor.

It was silent for a while but it was nice because I felt safe in Ashley's company. "You're a good sister." I looked up at her confused.

"Hmm? What are you talking about?" I wasn't sure what she meant, did she know?

"You, covering up for Kyla and the pregnancy scare. And then you taking the verbal abuse for that, sounds like a good sister to me." You're right, I am. But I took way much more than just the verbal abuse. But you helped me get through that.

"I uh, don't know what your talking about. Okay so you can't tell Glen, you have to promise not to tell him. I can't let my sister get a beating," Shit did I just let that word slip out? "for that. Promise?"

Ashley looked over at me, "I promise, I wouldn't tell him. It's cool, I'm just surprised he even told your dad, he knows your a lesbian and doesn't have sex with guys. But did you say beating?" Ashley looked over at me.

Yes, but I am so not repeating it. I don't know how it slipped, it's so hard to watch my words around this girl. "Ash thanks, I couldn't let Kyla get yelled at. I'm used to it, she---she might break down or something." I smiled and looked over at Ashley. She still looked extremely concerned about me, but there was no way I would tell her what happens behind closed doors.

"Yeah no problem. Well, since I know you're okay, I can sleep good. I'm going to head home then." Ashley Davies, if I wasn't so messed up right now, I'd totally ask you to stay. Why couldn't you say that to me tomorrow? After these nights I'm not like myself, I'm the total opposite.

"All right, see you tomorrow." I smiled and felt the tears building up in my eyes again. I sniffled a bit and rubbed my eyes hoping it would stop me from crying. But that didn't work. Ashley was just about to leave but she turned once she heard me sniffle.

"Hey, you shouldn't be alone. You look like you need company, mind if I stay with you?" What? Is this one of those day dream moments or did she just ask that?

I gave her a half-smile, "I'd like that." I laid down on the bed and she came over and laid right next to me. No matter how much it hurt to lay on my back, Ashley Davies was laying right next to me. She scooted closer and grabbed a hold of my hand and held it tight. The feeling that brought me would make me overcome any pain.


	7. As You Sleep

**A/n: It's a little short but I wanted to throw up an update as quick as possible. I'll try my best to get another one up this week, but work is being a real bitch. Anyways, thanks for all the reviews and feedback--love reading it. Thanks for reading and enjoy. Oh and I updated my little bio-thingy if you're interested.**

I woke up in the middle of the night just to check to see if Ashley was still there, and she was. I was so happy, I didn't care how much pain I was in or how bad I felt about myself---because it didn't matter Ashley was laying in my bed next to me. I turned towards her and admired how pretty she was when she was sleeping then I dozed off.

When I woke up in the morning I realized my shirt had risen up my back. I sat up on the bed and quickly pulled it back down. I looked over at Ashley but it looked as if she was still sleeping, but I wasn't sure how long my shirt was like that. I ran into my bathroom and lifted up my shirt to see the damage. It wasn't as bad as I expected. Just a bunch of welts all over my back and it was still tender to the touch. It was still a bit red, but at least it looks like it will go away with time. So that's a plus, I really just hope Ashley didn't see when my shirt was up. I don't know what I'd tell her, I don't want to lie to her. But then again, I don't know if I could tell her the truth.

I walked back into the room and Ashley was awake on my bed. "Morning sunshine." I smiled at her and walked over towards the bed. She was slowly scooting off the bed as she yawned and stretched. Aww damn she was so cute when she was stretching. Her shirt just lifted above her belly button and I got a glimpse at those gorgeous abs. She was beautiful. And that beautiful girl slept next to me all night on my full size bed. Man do I want to kiss her. Alright you need to stop smiling at her like an idiot.

"Looks like you're in a better mood, this morning. I'm glad." Ashley smiled and sat on the bed looking at me.

"Well, when I wake up next to you, I think I have no choice than to be in a good mood," I looked at her and I saw her cheeks get a bit flushed. How cute, I made her blush a little. Everything about her I find cute.

She got up and started to try and fix her hair, "Man I probably look like shit." I looked her up and down and she looked like anything but shit. She woke up even more beautiful than she went to bed. I didn't think that was possible, but oh with her it was. I walked closer to her and rubbed my hands on her arms.

"You look amazing." I smiled at her, very tempted to kiss her. She kept staring into my eyes like she was asking for it, but I was waiting for her to move in and hint that she wanted the kiss a bit.

"I have to talk to you about something," Ashley whispered. Shit, she saw what's underneath my shirt didn't she? Start freaking out now and think of some lame excuse. What? Like I fell on my father's belt a few times? How.. God just ask what she needs to talk about. Maybe she wants to talk about something else.

I smiled, just play it cool, just start crying or something, no play it cool "What are you saying about?" Great, that was very very smooth. I walked over and sat on my bed.

She gave a half-smile and she looked nervous. I think I know what she wants to talk about. She had to have seen what my father did to me last night. God, why did I let her stay? Now, this is going to get all complicated. It is best if no one knows, and I want to keep it that way. I don't anyone feeling sorry for me. So spill Ashley Davies because I'm starting to freak out in my head here.

"I--I'm concerned, I-" Before Ashley could finish her sentence we were interrupted by Glen barging into my room. I was kind of glad that he stopped Ashley from finishing because I didn't want to lie to her. But I wasn't sure if I wanted Glen to go all crazy on me, which it looks like he may.

"Ash what the hell are you doing here? I went downstairs and I saw your car---wait are you in the same clothes as yesterday? What the fuck, you stayed here with my sister all night? Oh no no no no no," He waved his hands in the hair, "Please do not tell me you fucked her," He slammed his fist into my door.

Ashley looked over at me with an I'm-sorry look. "No, babe, your sister was upset about her dad yelling at her I thought she could use the company and a friend, so I stayed. It's no big deal. I just kept her company all night since you obviously didn't give a shit your dad just beat the living hell out of her!" Did she just say beat? Fuck me. She knows, and she just blabbed it to Glen. Now I wish she would have finished her sentence so I could have convinced her not to tell anyone.

Glen laughed a bit, "Beat? Okay you're being ridiculous and he yells at the top of his lungs to all three of us. Spence just gets it a bit more sometimes. We are all used to it, aren't we sis?"

"You bet, our dad's an ass." Thank God, just play it off.

Ashley looked over at me then at Glen, "I didn't mean beat, but you get the point! I was just trying to help her out, she was crying and upset, okay? So don't freak out, I'm not leaving your stupid ass for your sister." Damnit did she just say that? God, I wish she would just dump him. She continued to speak, "But I will dump your ass for acting like an idiot like you are now, then I'd go out with your sister. So just leave me alone Glen. I'll call you later." She shoved her way past Glen as she went to grab her keys. She looked over at me, "And I need to still talk to you later. So I'll call you." Ashley pushed Glen aside and left the room.

I was trying to soak in everything Ashley just said. Did she just say she'd leave Glen for me? Because that's what I heard. If I could rewind time I'd like to hear that again. "Oh--kay?" Was all that I could let escape my mouth as Ashley headed out my door. I looked over at Glen and he was kinda glaring at me. "Sorry for being an ass, you cool though? Dad didn't yell at you too bad, did he?" What? Glen is being nice? Ashley really can put him in his place. I like this.

"Yeah thanks, I'm good. You can leave now." I gave him one of those bitchy facial expressions.

"All right, be ready in like 20 and I'll take you to school," I rolled my eyes at him and then shut the door behind him. I let out one big sigh and plopped on my bed.

I heard my phone buzzing and I was thinking it was Ashley already. But oh no, wishful thinking, "Hey Keria, what's up?" I let out one large disappointed sigh. I threw her on speaker phone while I went to my closet looking for a clean school uniform.

"I uh just wanted to see if you needed a ride to school today?"

"No, I'm good, my brother is giving me a ride." There was silence, I rolled my eyes, "So, talk to you when I get out or something?"

"Yeah I'd really like to see my girl tonight. I miss you." Ew she's being clingy. I need to cut her out before it gets worse.

"Uh uhm it's only been like a day." Yeah, I'm kinda mean to her, but it's her fault.

"Yeah but it's been a whole day and I wanna see you. So promise you call me later tonight so we can hang?"

She was so--whatever. I really didn't want to hang out with her because hanging out with her usually led to sex...and I can't let her see my back I don't know how long I'd have to go without sex---ouch that's a thought. "Of course, babe. I'll call you then." I ran to my bed and hung up the phone. Yeah I'm so not calling her, whatever. My back needs to heal before I can have sex with her. But knowing her she probably wouldn't ask questions, she doesn't care like Ash probably does.

I shook my head out of it, threw on my school clothes, and went to wait in Glen's car. I looked at my phone and I realized that I had a text from Ashley. "Hey I'm picking you up after school today. So don't try and dodge me or anything. Tell Glen you already have a ride."

Great. I have a very good feeling she knows that my dad beats me or she is going to ask my what's up with all my welts on my back. I have no idea what excuse I'm going to give her or if I am going to even lie to her. Maybe I should finally tell someone, but I've never so what's the point. Oh and the hush money my mom left me, curious to know how much? Five hundred dollars this time, she must have felt really bad. Whatever I can go buy something with it, I deserve the money after practically getting beat for it.

"Hey sis, ready for school?" Glen threw is book bag in the back seat and hopped in the car. He backed out of the driveway and smiled at me. He was acting strangely nice.

"Yeah I guess." I played with my phone debating whether to text Ashley or what to say if I texted her back. I figured I would just not text her back, it's better that way.

"So, how's that girlfriend of yours? Or are you done with her already?" Glen smirked. "She was pretty hot."

I rolled my eyes and punched him on the shoulder, "Of course she was hot. All my girlfriends are hot," Shit I just called her my girlfriend. She is SO not. "But she's whatever and yeah I'm done with her already. Kind of. She just doesn't get the hint." I smiled thinking about how badly I wanted Ashley. Something's up with that girl, why wouldn't she want to be with me instead of Glen? I just don't get it.

"I'll take her. I think I'm going to break it off with Ash soon." Glen sounded kind of sad about it.

"Why? She's a nice girl." Yeah too nice for you and perfect for me.

Glen shrugged, "She won't have sex with me. I don't know what her problem is," That's my brother for you. One thing on his mind. I know Ashley would have sex with me, or she better because I bet that would be the best couple hours of my life. Oh yes, couple hours. "I just I don't know we've been going out for not that long I know, but usually girls do me like in the first day. You would know, I'm sure girls do you that fast too." Glen smiled. Yeah, that is kind of true. I can't help it I'm so loveable.

I smiled, "Well do what you want, but you shouldn't just break up with someone because they won't have sex with you. If she's a good person and you like her, shouldn't it be worth your time?" Oh my God, did I just give him good advice? What the hell, I just told him to stay with Ashley...what the hell was I thinking. That was uber stupid of you Spencer. God, this day just keeps getting worse. I can't wait until the end of the day, I get to see the most beautiful girl in the world---Ashley Davies.


	8. Unravel

**A/n: Thanks for the feedback and such, enjoy!**

I was sitting in my last class and time just couldn't move. I swear the clock was broken and this new girl Carmen was doing everything in her power to make time drag. She was hot don't get me wrong, so she was something nice to look at. But she wouldn't stop talking to me and I really just wanted to be left alone.

"Hey so what are you doing later? I'm kind of new to the area and I'd really like it if you uh showed me around," I scrunched my eye brows before I looked over at her because I'm confused. Is she hitting on me? If I wasn't interested in Ashley I'd totally be interested in her. But I could use a friend, seems like I loose one every day.

I smiled, "Sure but I'm busy today after school, tomorrow?" Her face lit up and she seemed to be happy that I had said yes.

"Great, it's a date." Yup, she's definitely flirting with me. Well this should be interesting. I let out a smile, I'm always one to return a flirt.

"You bet, wanna pick me up?" I flashed my smile at her and awaited her answer. It was hard not to, I just flirted with everyone.

"Oh, I'll do more than that," She gave a slight wink and went back to scribbling something on her paper.

"Here's my number. We can sort out the details later because this class that just felt like five hours is over," I heard the bell, thank God. I grabbed my books and started to head out the door.

"See ya later cutie," I turned to make sure that was Carmen who said it and it definitely was. Man does she come on strong, she must really wanna hook up. Well, I'm down for that---wait no you like Ashley no random hooking up with girls.

I walked down my steps and Ashley wasn't there yet. So I sat on the steps and waited. Carmen saw me sitting and I guess decided to sit next to me.

"Hey, need a ride?" Carmen smiled as she shoved some books into her book bag.

"No, thanks I'm actually waiting for my friend to pick me up. She said she had some talking to do and it was important. But thanks anyways." I smiled at her and fiddled with my fingers. I wonder what Ashley needed to talk about, should I be busy making up a really good lie or is it not even going to be about that? I'm so nervous and jittery about what she is going to say to me.

She looked over at me with her brown eyes, not anything like Ashley's beautiful brown eyes if you must know. "Girlfriend?"

I smirked at her, "Oh no, just a friend. She's my brother's girlfriend actually." Yeah but I wish she was my girlfriend. I wonder if Carmen is a good kisser she looks like she would be. Oh look Ashley is here. Damn she looks hot in her car, ugh I really wish I'd get to be on top of her in her car---stop you're going to go into a dirty day dream again.

"Hey, well call me later. I got to go," I stood up and so did Carmen. It looked as if she wanted a hug or something. So I leaned in and awkwardly hugged her with her back pack on her back. I was like trying not to squeeze her book bag it was just an awkward hug. Then I smiled at her and hopped into Ashley's car.

"Who was that?" Ashley sneered at me as soon as I got in. She sounded jealous, that's what I like. Means she likes me.

I smiled, "It was just a friend. Jealous?" I smirked at her and I did my best playful tease.

She looked over at me then back at the road, "N-no, of course not."

I rolled my eyes, "Riiight. Anyways, what did you need to talk about?" I decided to play the cool angle. Hopefully she didn't want to talk about why my back was all welted and looked like I was ran over by a semi.

Ashley nervously smiled, "Let's talk about that later. Wanna grab some ice cream? I'm in the mood for it."

I smiled, "I could do some cream in my mouth," Oh my God I think that came out totally dirty, when I didn't really mean that. But speaking of that I could have Ashley's cream in my mouth any day.

Ashley giggled, yup she took it dirty. "You have a dirty mind Davies, I didn't even mean it that way!" I playfully pinched her cheek. Damn her cheeks were so smooth. I just want to lay a kiss right there on her perfectly thin lips.

So I was really starting to wonder what she wanted to talk about as I sat in the passenger seat. Maybe she was going to say she was going to dump my stupid ass brother and be with me, so we can try out that tongue ring of hers. Wait a second we are at her house, I thought she wanted ice cream. Maybe I'll be the dessert...I wouldn't mind. All right get your head out of the gutter and ask her what's up.

I turned at looked at her and flashed my smile, "So, what are we doing here?"

"I thought we could hang out for a while, with no interruptions for once?" I was starting to like the way she thinks. I could do no interruptions, just me and Ashley Davies. I'd really like that.

"I don't mind one bit." I stepped out of the car and got a glimpse at her huge mansion.

"Man must be great to have a famous rocker as your dad." I smiled as I stood in awe of her house.

"It can have it's perks. I mean if you like having everything and not seeing your father, than yeah it's great." Ashley smiled and led the way into the house. Actually, you don't know how much I'd really like that. Not seeing my father would make my day, or year, well maybe it would just about make my life.

"Come on, I want to show you my room. I'll give you the grand tour since you haven't been here before," Ashley kept talking as she smiled. "And last but certainly not least this is my room," Ashley fanned out her arms and twirled around the room. Her curled brown hair looked perfect as she spun around smiling.

"So? What do you think?" Oh, I probably have been silent for awhile. She does that to me. I tend to just kind of stare at how beautifully the light hits her face and makes her face gleam like an angel. Yeah I really like this girl.

"I think your house is amazing and you look amazing in your house." I smiled at her, hoping it would strike something like I'm going to dump your brother and show you how I work my tongue ring. But that's usually how my day dreams go. And they are usually a bit more detailed.

She blushed a little but tried to hide it, it was cute. "Thanks Spence. But I wanted to talk to you about something." Oh God, this is what I was fearing. My muscles are starting to tense, my palms are starting to sweat, and I could feel myself tripping over my words and I haven't even said anything yet.

"Hmm? Talk away." I walked to her bed and sat next to her. What is she going to talk about, I just need to know. I needed to find out, she really just needed to spill. I'm trying not to freak out in my head, but it's only inevitable.

"Well, I just want to be friends. I'm not gay," What? This is not what I was expecting her to say, but now I'm really intrigued. Not gay? Who are you trying to kid? "I'm with your brother and he's okay I might like him, but I know I like you and I don't want to loose you as a friend. I just don't think we can be more than that."

I smiled. Okay, I think she's only trying to kid herself, but whatever. "You're not gay? Then why did you kiss me? I know you like me Davies." I crossed my arms and awaited my answer.

She looked away, "I don't know. I've never had these feelings before---for anyone. I know I want to be your friend, can't we just be that?"

I turned her head to look back at me, "For now, if that's what you want."

She went to say something but I interrupted her, "But it's really not what you want. I know you want to kiss me every time you see me, I can see it in your eyes because I know that's how I feel." I smiled at her and she did her cute nose wrinkling smile back.

Of course I knew how she really felt about me, it was only time before she had the guts to admit her feelings for me. So I sat there as patient as I could be, before she of course probably shot me down again. I hope she knows I won't be waiting around until she figures out who she wants. Okay, so maybe I will be but I'm not going to tell her that.

She was sitting there looking into my blue eyes as I looked right back into her beautiful brown eyes. I knew this was my opening. I leaned in, close enough and waited for her to push me away, but of course she didn't. I took my hand and gently grabbed her head and pulled it into my lips until I met hers. I closed my eyes, ah God, kissing her is a whole new experience. Everyone should be able to feel this. The way I feel when my lips meet hers.

The kiss kept going, I wasn't expecting this. I felt her tongue ring as soon as she slipped her tongue into my mouth, your a tricky one Miss Davies. But oh how I like it. Soon I felt myself straddling her and she still hasn't stopped me. Maybe she is finally giving into her feelings, being true to her emotions. I lifted up my head as we looked into each others eyes for a moment and we both smiled. That goofy smile you get on your face when you are staring into the eyes of someone you truly like. Then I leaned in and began kissing her again, her soft lips, caressing mine. I moved down her neck as she moaned slightly. Ah, yes I am good at what I do. I slowly slid my hand up her shirt, but before I could unclasp her bra, she whispered "Stop, I can't. I'm sorry," She slowly pushed me off as I grumbled extremely frustrated.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She wouldn't stop saying that. I mean if she's sorry then she know she's doing something wrong. The wrong thing was pushing me off, but she knew it felt so right when we kissed. I know she can't deny what we both felt.

"It's fine. But you have to see, we are meant to be more than friends. You have to feel what I feel. I really like you Ash." I smiled at her as I stood up and looked at her.

She shifted her eye contact to the floor as she began to speak, "I d-do like you, yes. But I can't--I'm with your brother."

Now, I'm mad. "So?! You obviously don't like him! You know you like me, what's so wrong about it?" I stood there looking her up and down with one hand on my hip.

"I just--can't. I can't like girls, I've never liked girls."

"So? Some people find out later in life that they are gay. Besides who cares who your heart falls for? Gay, straight, it's all just labels, it doesn't matter." I was too upset with her, I kind of just flipped out.

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready for this. I like you, but just friends please? I like you in my life, just please?" She pleaded me with her brown eyes of her. Shame on you for using your beauty to suck me into saying yes. Fine, I guess I can be friends for now, but we have this sexual tension in the room still. I wish you'd would have told me after we--stop. You need to think about her as just a friend. How hard this is going to be. Why oh why, does my life have to be so hard?


	9. You're Gone

So, it's been a good month since that last scene in Ashley's bedroom. I haven't been back to her house since, don't know why probably because she is afraid if we are together with no interruptions that she'd let me do all sorts of things to her. Things that I know I'm amazing at and give me like five minutes below her belt and I know she'd be mine. So instead, I'm dating Carmen and I actually can call her my girlfriend. Oh yeah, Keria? She was too clingy and I just wanted her for sex and she annoyed me. So she's out of the picture.

Carmen is something different. She's hot, not as hot or breath taking as Ashley, but she will do. And she has this weird charm about her, she's never settling for less, she's always getting in some sort of trouble and I am starting to like the bad ass in her. She's always on the move and we always have something new to do. So, Carmen will do for now. The only thing is, I haven't told Ashley that I'm dating her.

This whole friends thing is still killing me, but I am just trying to move on and accept that we will ever only be friends. Because I have this feeling that she'll never admit her feelings or it's going to be awhile. So I, myself, decided to have fun in the mean time. And I actually found someone I liked. 

"Hey babe," Carmen said as she placed a kiss right on my cheek. She plopped onto the couch and smiled. "So you look hot today. Are we going out?"

I smiled, I decided to curl my hair today and throw on a really tight shirt and jeans. I don't know why I just had time and I felt like looking really hot. And of course it worked, so guess who's getting laid tonight?

"Hey you just want to watch a movie before we go out tonight?" I walked over to the DVD rack and ran my fingers through my vast amount of choices. 

"Where are we going?" She smiled as she walked up behind me and grabbed my ass. I giggled and jumped, then I swatted her hands away. 

"Oh there's this party Kyla's boyfriend is having. There's going to be tons of people there, tons of alcohol, and you can meet my little sister. Since we've been so busy wrapped up in each other lately, I want you to meet my sister. She's important to me." I smiled, she is. I mean she means the world to me, I love that kid. Then I thought about how I haven't seen Kyla in a while or had one of our sisterly bonding nights. We need to do that soon, I need to make a mental note.

"I'd love to, so what movie are we watching babe?" I turned and smiled, I love how she was all about me. Me and Carmen haven't been dating long, like three weeks and we just became official like a week ago. But she was all about me, she was starting to grow on me, and I really liked her.

"What do you want to watch?" I turned and sat on her lap. I moved a stray hair out of her face as she smiled.

"I don't care, as long as I'm with you---I'm happy." She always had those right words to say. Made her even hotter.

"All right." I said as I hopped off Carmen and went to throw in a movie. I don't know why but I had this random urge to watch The Pelican Brief, I was just in a Julia Roberts mood. And I have seen her kicked out of that fancy uptown store a billion times in Pretty Woman, so I figured I'd throw in a different Julia Roberts movie.

"Oh my God, I love this movie," Carmen smiled as she stood up and waited for me to come over to the couch.

"You know this movie?" I was kind of shocked. I thought only me and Glen sat on the couch and watched all the Julia Roberts movies together.

"Of course I do, who doesn't?" She smirked at me.

"I like you even more." I smiled and plopped on the couch. I sprawled all out taking up the whole couch so she has no choice but to lie on top of me. I liked being close to her, she was just so sweet. And I need to be close to her so I can just get over Ashley. Even though I was never with her, so I can't really get over her, I just--you know what I mean.

"Taking up the whole couch Carlin? I have no choice but--" She runs over to me and starts to tickle my sides. Ahh how she knows I'm ticklish. I start squirming and laughing loudly, my lungs are starting to hurt I'm laughing so much. "Stop--stop" I playfully laugh out as she continues to tickle me. She stops tickling me and looks at me in the eyes. She holds my sides with her hands and gently stokes them up and down. She holds a tight grip and slowly kisses my stomach, since my shirt came up during the tickle fight. She makes her way to my lips and lands a gentle kiss and then she rests her head on my chest. 

"Perfect," She whispers as she cups my body. She fits my body, nicely. I won't say perfectly, but she fits on top of me very nicely. I lean up and kiss the top of her head and lean back down to watch the movie that's already started. We've missed the beginning because of our tickle fight but I don't mind. I'm like her enough, I'll forgive her. So as we watched the movie I slowly stroked her hair as she nuzzled into my chest and slide one of her hands under my shirt. Just holding me tightly, I liked this. 

Feeling safe in Carmen's embrace. I liked the feeling of safety she gave me. I rarely felt safe in my own house, until now. I couldn't help but smile as I laid there. I didn't even pay attention to the movie, I had all eyes on this gorgeous girl on top of me. She was a decent catch. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Have you been watching the movie at all?" She looked up at me fluttering her eye lashes at me.

I smirked and let out a slight giggle, "Nope. I was admiring you on top of me." I gave her that look. I was getting warm with her on top of me, I could do a quickie before we head out to the party. 

She took her hand out from under my shirt and pressed it against my cheek. I leaned into her hand and closed my eyes. "I really like you, Spencer." She smiled as she continued to stroke my cheek. I opened my eyes and moved my hands so I could grip onto her tighter, "I feel the same way." I smiled and just held her closer to my body. She kept me safe.

Carmen inched her way up so she was directly in front of my face and she looked at me and I waited for her kiss but it never came. She teased me, "Hey," I said offended but then she went for my neck and starting sucking on my pulse point. "Well, you can keep doing that, ⌠I smiled as she continued to kiss my neck. I all of sudden just wanted to kiss her back, to make me happy. I picked up her head and then she smiled and looked at me. 

I pulled her down to me and forced a kiss onto her and she quickly kissed back and I felt the sweet taste of her lips. I brushed my nose against hers as I caught my breath between our kisses. She gave me a naughty smirk as she kissed me quickly then started to pick up my shirt. 

"Um are we interrupting something?" I knew that voice. My head immediately perked up and I froze. Carmen took her hand out from under my shirt as we both sat up on the couch and did our best smiles.

"So sis, are you going to Aiden's party tonight? Me and Ash are, need a ride? Or are you busy riding---" I cut him off there.

"Glen! And no Carmen is giving me a ride, I wanted her to meet Kyla and the gang." I smiled as I looked at Carmen. Then I realized Ashley was still in the room staring me up and down.

"Who is this Carmen?" Glen smirked.

Carmen scoffed, "I see you talk so much about me. Hi, I'm Carmen, Spencer's girlfriend." Carmen stood up and held out her hand for Glen to shake. 

I heard Ashley scoff under her breath, "Girlfriend?" All three of us simultaneously looked over at Ashley and then Glen continued to talk.

"Well it's nice to hear my sister if finally growing up and settling down. You know she hasn't had a girlfriend in---well let's say a very long time." Glen smiled and Carmen looked back at me.

"Glen, I think you and me have some talking to do," Carmen laughed, "We are going to have to compare notes on your sister here." Carmen winked over at me. I like how they are getting along already, it makes me happy that Glen likes my girlfriend. Or well, we will see what he says about her tomorrow when she's not around. Although, I would be happier if Ashley wasn't giving me the evil eye over there. Me and Ashley had been doing the friend thing, but I kind of forgot to mention, by forgot I mean never had brought up the fact that I had a girlfriend.

"Hey well we are watching a movie if you two want to join?" Carmen offered, how sweet of her. But I'd rather not have Ashley here if Carmen is going to be all over me.

"No me and Ash--"

"Have nothing to do. We'd love to." Ashley smiled and cut off Glen. Oh, sounds like she doesn't want to leave me alone with Carmen after she saw us together on the couch.

"But babe, I thought you wanted to swing by your house and get ready?" Glen looked confused. Oh looks like Ashley is changing her plans around to stay here with me, well this should be interesting. 

Ashley shook her head as she uncrossed her arms, "No, I'm good. I can just borrow a shirt from Spencer, right?" She looked over at me, waiting for me to answer.

I smiled, "Of course you're always welcome to my clothes." Carmen smiled, "You two going to join us then?"

"Looks like it. So sis what are you watching?" Glen laughed as he looked at the screen, "Are you having a Julia Roberts fest without me?" He sounded slightly offended.

I laughed, "I'm just imitating Carmen into our Julia Roberts club. She actually heard of this movie before I showed it to her." I nodded at Glen.

"Damn girl, I'm impressed. I think this girlfriend is a keeper." He emphasized girlfriend. I bet he was just as surprised as I was when I asked her to be my girlfriend. I'm not one to settle down, I won't lie I can have my whore moments and play the field. Yes, I just said play the field. And Ashley could have been one of my first girlfriends I have had in a long while, but nope she's apparently not gay. Then why is she so pissed off right now? She hides behind her ask but the mask is slipping. 

"Yup, I think so too, ⌠I smiled and kissed Carmen on the cheek. We all settled on the couch together as Carmen intertwined her fingers with mine. I could see Ashley looking through the corner of her eye as Glen wrapped his arm around her. Truth is, I thought I'd be angrier seeing him to that to Ashley, but now I realize this was all her fault she could have had me. But she didn't want me, so I have moved on...mostly.

I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket and everyone turned and looked at me. "Hey Ky what's up? Stop freaking out, no no I'll be there in like an hour. What? That's as soon as you get there, and I bet you and Aiden will have made up by then. I love you bye." I smiled and threw my phone down on the coffee table.

"Hey Kyla needs me to be there...she had some huge insane fight with Aiden already, so wanna start getting ready babe?" Whoops, I just called Carmen babe in front of Ashley. I didn't mean to say that, but it just came so naturally. 

"Yeah sure. Oh my God, I have this really cute skirt in your room that I wanted to wear! Come let's get dressed." Carmen tugged at my arm. 

"Hold up, I'll be right there." I smiled and Carmen let go of my arm.

"Okay, don't be long, I'll be changing." She winked at me and gave me a peck on my cheek. I smiled and held onto my cheek then turned around towards Glen and Ash on the couch. And let me tell you that Ashley's eyes looked hurt and she was still glaring at the same time. Again, this isn't your problem Spencer. She doesn't want you, or at least won't admit it, she's not worth my time, or worrying about how she feels right now. But, friends worry right? And I am her friend...damnit. I still want to be with Ashley. No, I'm with Carmen, so knock it off.

"Glen, I'm just going to ride with Carmen to Aiden's house. Mind if we drive separately?" I stood on the steps slowly inching my way up the stairs. I really wanted to get up there and fool around a bit with Carmen. She looked amazing without clothes on, mmm she really did. And I could get out some of my aggression with some hot sex. 

"Yeah sure no problem. I bet you two are going to do what you lesbians do now, aren't ya?" Glen perversely smirked.

"You're such an ass." I shook my head and stood there for a second. I think this is the least Ashley has ever spoken to me since we have met. I obviously have hurt her by having a girlfriend. Good, she deserves it.

"Awesome, well I'm going to change and Ash if you want to borrow clothes from Spence better do that now before her and her girlfriend get freaky." Glen messed up my hair as he darted up the stairs. He left me and Ashley down there alone. Oh gosh, this isn't good. I just wanted to walk up the stairs and leave her down there.

"So, need some clothes?" I smiled, I'm just going to pretend like nothing has changed.

"Don't act like that." Ashley said with her arms crossed.

I stepped down a step, "Act like what?" I really didn't know what she is talking about.

"Act like you haven't lied to me! Girlfriend?" She stood up on the couch and made angry hand gestures.

"I was going to tell you, but it hasn't come up. If you had asked me, hey Spencer do you have a girlfriend, I would have said yes. But the question never came up, so I never said anything." I smiled, well that was slightly bitchy but it was well deserved. Now she is going to know how it feels to yearn over someone who is already taken. So take that Ashley.

"Whatever fine. Friends don't lie to each other." Ashley turned her head and didn't make eye contact. 

"Well, friends don't kiss each other either do they? And friends don't get mad at each other if they have a girlfriend, do they? So what then? I'm sorry Ash--I can't do this right now. I'm with Carmen and she's waiting for me." I started to walk up the stairs and Ashley walked over to me and grabbed my arm. Every muscle in my body tensed and all my sense tingled. I wanted to lean in and kiss her on those soft lips of hers, but I couldn't. I wouldn't.

I looked into her eyes and then looked at the grip she had on me. I was waiting for her to say something. Like I'm madly in love with you and I finally admit my feelings. 

"Well?" I looked at her. My look came off kind of cold, and I didn't mean it to. But Ashley has been putting me through the emotional ringer and I just couldn't take it anymore. She wants me, she doesn't want me, she wants me, she doesn't. I feel like I'm the flower and she emotionally picking at me, until finally there is nothing left for her to pick at.

"You know how hard it is to see you with someone else?" Ashley looked into my eyes. I wasn't expecting this.

I scoffed, "You know what, I do. I see you with my brother every day. You knew how I felt before I started dating someone else. Ash we had our chance and you weren't there. What do you want me to say?" Ashley loosened her grip on my arm and crossed her arms.

"I want you to dump that stupid bitch and and--"

"And what? Wait around while you still date my brother?" I crossed my arms and gave her one of those facial expressions like I know I'm right.

"No, I'm ready. I want you." She took her hands and grabbed mine.

"Spencer?! Are you coming so I can show you my outfit!" Carmen yelled from my room.

"Yeah! Be there in a second!" I shouted back to her then looked back at Ashley holding my hands in hers.

I smiled and sighed at the same time, "I'm sorry. I'm with Carmen, I can't do that to her. I like this girl, I'm sorry. Ash, I wasn't just going to wait around for you. Maybe when our time is right, we can," I closed my eyes and wasn't sure if I was going to regret all this, but I really didn't believe Ashley when she said she would dump my brother. She was just feeling jealous, something she probably hasn't felt before.

Ashley's eyes looked hurt, but that's how I had been feeling all along. She let go of my hands and sighed. She bowed her head as she walked up the stairs. I couldn't help but say something, anything. "Ash, I'm sorry." She stopped in her tracks and looked back at me. "Yeah me too." I watched Ashley walk away to my brother's bedroom. I realized she could have been walking into mine, but I couldn't let her have whatever she wanted when she wanted. I shook all that off and went into my room when Carmen was sitting on my bed flipping through my journal.

Okay, try not to freak out. "What the hell! That's personal!" I ran up to her and whipped the journal out of her hands and threw it in my closet.

Carmen looked shocked, "But I'm your girlfriend, so whatever is personal to you is personal to me, right babe?" She smiled.

"But--it's just I don't like anyone reading that stuff. I get pretty low sometimes and I just write crazy things, so for now, let it be?" I sat next to her on the bed. I hope she understood. No one reads that journal. No one. 

"Sure, whatever. Ready?" Carmen didn't seem to care. Which I don't know if that was a good thing. Because if I had to compare her with Ashley right now, I bet Ashley would have fought to see my journal. And truth is, I may have just let her read it. But Carmen, I didn't trust fully yet. 

"I'm ready to get smashed." I am ready to drink all of the crazy events that happened today away. I can't handle all this stuff right now. I knelt to the floor and kissed Carmen on the lips. But when I closed my eyes I don't know why my only concrete thought was, Ashley. 


	10. This Broken Heart

**A/n: Sorry, for the delay in update and for the fact that it's kinda short. But I'll get another one up in the next day or so. Enjoy. Much Love.**

I was on the dance floor all over Carmen, when Kyla ran up to me practically in tears. "Aiden is flirting with that girl over there! Spencer! Help me!" She was a drunken mess. I was just trying to enjoy dancing with my girlfriend and all I get is drama all night.

"Well, remember you broke up with him? So doesn't he have a right to flirt with girls?" I continued to sway my hips with Carmen's as I talked to Kyla. Carmen leaned her head back on my shoulder.

"No, but I really wasn't breaking up with him, he was just being an ass. Please talk to him?" Kyla pleaded with me. I rolled my eyes at her. I really didn't want to leave Carmen on the dance floor, but looked like I had no choice.

"It's okay babe, go ahead. I'll just go stand over there and talk to Glen and Ash." Carmen leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, then surprisingly made her way to my lips. Then I bit her bottom lip, opened my eyes, and gave her that look.

"Okay, so I'm going to go say bye to Ashley and Glen then I'll meet you in the car?" Carmen winked and slapped me on my ass. Ah, I loved a girl who could read my dirty mind.

"Sis, really? Right in front of me? Anyways, go talk to Aiden for me, I'll be over here." Kyla walked over towards a crowd of people.

I rolled my eyes and waltzed right up to Aiden. I better fix this problem fast so I can go enjoy my hot girlfriend. "Aiden."

Aiden stopped laughing with this group of jock friends, "Spencer. What's up?" He took a sip from his cup and set it down on the island.

"So you know you and Kyla didn't really break up, right?" I smiled.

He gave me one of those stupid guy looks. God, guys were so clueless sometimes. I'm so glad I do not bat for this team. "You know it was just a fight, like you usually have? She's really going to dump your ass if you keep flirting with other girls."

He smiled, "Are you sure, she wants me? I mean I was just doing that to make her jealous so she'd come back to me. Because I know we have only not been talking for like three hours but I miss her already." Aiden dumbly smiled. Stupid boys. Whatever let's wrap this problem up.

"Yes, she wants you. Just go say sorry and kiss and make up, kay?" Aiden hit me on my shoulder and smiled. He chugged the rest of his beer.

"What would I do with out you Carlin." He smiled and walked over to Kyla. I saw Kyla smack him a couple times and then I saw them kiss, hug, and look like I did my part in getting that screwed up couple back together.

Anyways, on my way to Carmen. I started to walk towards the front door when Ashley had of course stepped in front of my path. "I need to talk to you." I wanted to roll my eyes, but see seemed serious. Gosh, Carmen is waiting for me in the car. I really really need to go have some sex. I'm drunk, horny, and willing. Hurry it up with this serious talk Davies.

"What's up?" I smiled, acting nonchalant.

"Can we go somewhere...a little less crowded?" Fine, fine. I'll do as you ask, only because you're my friend. Not because I still like you or anything.

"Yeah sure, we will go to Aiden's room. Come on." I grabbed her arm and pulled her into Aiden's room. I knew his house like it was my own house. I've been over here so many times with Kyla, it's not even funny. Because my mom used to forbid Kyla to date anyone at all. So my mom always had to drop off me and Kyla together at Aiden's house. It's not like it stopped them from doing anything. But my mother being the naive bitch she is, thought it would. Whatever, Aiden is like their son they never had now. But anyways, back to reality.

I shut the door behind me and spoke as we turned around, "So, we're alone what did--" She cut me off by shoving me against the door and forcing her lips onto mine. My simple reaction when Ashley kissed me was to kiss back. So I held face and kissed her back as she slipped her tongue ring into my mouth---wait this isn't Carmen. Stop it, you can't cheat on her. As hard as this is, I pushed off Ashley and wiped off my lips.

"Ash---I can't. If that's all you came here to say well do, then I've got to go, Carmen is waiting." I bowed my head and began to reach for the door handle.

"You don't like her like you like me, you know." Ashley slurred some of her words. She must have had one too many. I'd doubt she'd say or do these things sober.

I sighed, "It's too late now. Why couldn't--it doesn't matter. My girlfriend is waiting." I smiled at her and I knew things would go right back to normal tomorrow. I bet she'd either really wouldn't remember because she was slurring a bit, she'd pretend this didn't happen, or she will just go on and never say a word about this. Either way, nothing has changed. She still hasn't admitted to her feelings. And I'm with someone I like now.

I walked out the door while Ashley shouted as she slurred, "I'm ready, you'll see. I'm ready, you'll see." She stumbled at hit the desk. I turned to make sure she was okay, I couldn't help it I still cared. She looked fine, so I went out of the room and tried to shake the events off.

I hopped in the car and was greeted with, "What took so long?"

"It was hard getting Aiden and Kyla to make up. But they did and they are good. We good?" I smiled at her as I went to grab her hand.

She smiled and brushed the hair out of my face to the back of my ear, "You're so beautiful. I can't believe I have a girl as amazing as you." I smiled and shyly turned my head and looked at the floor. I don't blush around Carmen, not like you know who makes me, but yet I feel shy sometimes around her and more submissive. It's a weird feeling, but don't get me wrong I'm still my usual controlling confident self. But not as much with Carmen.

Carmen picked up my chin and made me look at her in the eyes, "I mean it. I think I don't deserve someone as amazing as you sometimes. And I wonder what you're doing with a girl like me." Carmen smiled. Damn she was so sweet. I don't deserve you Carmen. You think I'm this amazing person, when I'm not. When I still really like Ashley more than I like you right now, but it shouldn't be like that. But I'm going to choose you, you're good for me.

"I don't deserve you, Carmen. But since we don't deserve each other, we are perfect for each other." I smiled and held her face in my hands. Damn I really want to have sex right now.

"Carmen are you good to drive? Because I'm thinking I have a bed at home that's calling our name." Carmen started the car and looked over at me.

"Hell yes, I'm good to drive." She went to go switch gears and she turned and looked at me. "Wait, you know what would be really hot?"

"Hmm?" I turned my head and looked at her. Impatiently awaiting her answer. "Well?" I rested my hand on top of her's that was sitting on the gear shift.

"If we just hop into my back seat and--"

"Say no more. I'm already there." I crawled into the back as Carmen pushed my ass into the back seat as we both were giggling obnoxiously. She finally hopped into the back with me and fell onto my laugh laughing as she held her chest. She laid with her head on my lap as I ran my fingers through her hair. I loved how soft and straight her hair was. It was so beautiful, like she was.

We quickly switched positions and I was soon laying on her lap and she was running her fingers through my hair as I smiled. I had so many emotions building up inside of me as I laid on top of her. I had thoughts of Ashley while I was laying on top of my girlfriend, that can't be normal or good, right? So I am almost back where I started, I wasn't sure who I wanted to be with anymore. But I know who I should be with. Someone who wants me and will openly admit their feelings and be with me, which was Carmen.

As she continued to lay in her arms I knew I couldn't cloud my head with sex tonight. As hard as it was resisting to have sex with her as she started to kiss my forehead, I did something I didn't think I would. I closed my eyes and just pretended I passed out from the alcohol. Carmen shook me for a bit as she whispered, "Spence? Spencer? Damn you passed out on me."

I heard Carmen sigh a bit then she continued rambling on, "Spencer why did you have to go and pass out on me? God you're so beautiful even when you are passed out. You're really too amazing for me. Spencer I know it's only been about a month, but I think I'm falling for you. I know it's fast, but" Oh my God don't say it Carmen. Don't you say it, because I'm so glad I'm fakely passed out right now because I know I couldn't return what I think you're about to say, "But I think I love you."

I don't know if I can just lie here. She just said that to me, as I am fakely passed out on top of her. Why did I pass out? Oh right because I couldn't deal with all my emotions and I just wanted to think everything over for a good night or two. But now I have this on my shoulder? And I have no idea what I'm going to do about it, well it's not like I can say anything to her about it, not like I want to. I'll just wait for her to say it again.

"Well babe, since you're really passed out, I'm going to take you home." Carmen leaned in, kissed me on the forehead, and slowly scooted out from under me. Trying not to wake me, if I was really passed out. Which I am not, God I'm such a bad person. I am lying to my girlfriend and ---whatever I just need to go home and think---really really hard. Well not really hard, just really long.

I heard Carmen start the car and make her way to my house. I had so much to think about. Somehow tell Carmen that I heard her when she admitted to me that she loved me? Or should I tell her that Ashley kissed me, that night? I don't know, life's like a dream right now. It's really good, but I wish I could just wake up from it, because it's not going to be good for that long.


	11. Forget December

I decided the best thing to do was to keep my mouth shut. I am good at keeping secrets, what's a few more? It has been about two months since everything that happened. Nothing much has changed, Ashley just hasn't mentioned a damn thing about it. That girl needs to figure out what she wants, because I still want her. And I really realized this the other day when Carmen was holding me in her arms. She found the courage to whisper, "I love you" to me and I said it back without thinking. What I'm trying to say is, I want love to be irresistible, like a drug and with her I just said it back because I knew that's what I should have done. Not because I wanted to or because I felt love. I know I could love Ashley because I simply cannot mess with fate.

"Hey, Earth to Spencer? Did you hear a word I just said?" Oh right, I was hanging out with Kyla since I barely see her any more. 

I laughed it off, "Of course I heard you. But could you repeat what you said, because I wasn't listening." I smirked at her. 

"So what I was saying is, in a couple of weeks it's going to be New Year's Eve and well you know how mom and dad always go Mexico for two weeks during New Year's so, me and Glen wanted to throw our annual New Year's Eve bash. I just wanted to make sure you were down with it. Because you have been out of sorts lately, what▓s up?" Kyla looked at me with those sister eyes of hers. She looked truly concerned. I probably should tell her, I needed to get it out before it ate me inside. Which it looks like it already has if Kyla sees a change in my behavior.

I turned on my bed and looked at her in the eyes. I made a long disappointed sigh, like it was difficult getting this out. But the truth is, Kyla is one of the easiest persons to talk to. "Ky, I don't want to be with Carmen anymore and every time I try and go to break up with her, I feel really bad. She keeps me safe, I mean I do like her, but I just want to end it before we get deeper into our relationship. I feel like --well I know she invests more of herself in our relationship and I don't think it's right. When I know I am totally in love with someone else. I just--" Kyla of course cuts me off before I finish baring my soul.

"You still like Ashley? When are you going to get over that crush?" Kyla rolled her eyes at me and pushed me on the shoulder.

"The thing is, she's not just the usual crush I get, okay? I really like her and I know she likes me."

"You think she's actually going to dump Glen, for you? I mean she's crazy not to, because your of course ten times prettier than our stupid brother. But still, if she hasn't done it by now...you know?" Kyla always has to throw reality at me. It hurts sometimes, I think that one is going to leave a bruise.

"I know but it just sucks. I think that's another reason I stay with Carmen. I like her, she's good for me, beautiful, funny, you and Glen like her. There's nothing wrong with that girl at all, I just think it's wrong of me to keep dating her when I know I'm not with her fully."

"Maybe you should just grow pair and break up with her. Better to do it now, then wait. Then you will never break up with her and you will be stuck in a relationship that your not really happy with."

"Damn, when did you start giving me advice about relationships?" I laughed, "When I have talked you and Aiden through so many problems." 

"I know, I'm awesome like that. But when are you going to dump her?"

My smile slowly turned into a frown. As much as I wanted to break up with Carmen, I did care for her, so it wasn't as easy as I wanted it to be. "I don't know, soon I guess. I really want Ashley to be my New Year's kiss." I want to bring in the new year kissing someone I know I can eventually love. And that, my friend, is Ashley Davies. 

"Well, I'm here for you, except for now because Aiden is calling." Kyla reached into her pocket and took out her phone. Aiden and her were surprisingly doing very well. They seemed all around happy and they were getting along, which made my life a hundred times better. Because I hate getting wrapped in their relationship drama that always seems to happen. 

"Hey, me and Aiden are going to grab something to eat, you wanna join?" Kyla stood up and awaited my answer.

"Naw, I wouldn't wanna be a third wheel." I laid back on my bed, plus Carmen was coming over in a bit. I looked down at my watch, actually she should be here by now. I wonder what's taking her so long.

"You know Aiden's a third wheel when us two are together." Kyla laughed, "But I take your answer as a no?"

I smiled at her, she was right. "Yeah, I'm good. I'm waiting for Carmen anyways." And she really should have been here like thirty minutes ago. I know I said I wanted to break up with the girl, but it doesn't mean I can't worry about her. Because I am.

"All right, call me if you need a shoulder to cry on after you break that poor girls heart."

I rolled my eyes, and shook my head, "Thanks for the support, whore."

"Eh, you know you love me slut. Later." Kyla skipped out of the room and closed my door. All right time to think and wait time to worry where Carmen is. Maybe she's just running late, that's understandable. But coming from the girl who's never late and is always early to see me? I doubt it. I probably should call her. I glanced over at my clock, eh in about like five minutes I will. 

Five minutes soon became an hour later. Damnit, I fucking fell asleep. Wait a second, did Carmen never come over? I know she would have woke me up in that sweet way she does. By nibbling on my earlobe and whispering something sweet into my ear. Damn, if I didn't like Ashley so much I'd probably see what a nice girl I actually have wrapped around my waist.

I quickly jumped off my bed and searched for my cell phone. Damnit I have like ten missed calls. Wait, why is mom's hospital calling me? Oh my God, I hope Kyla and Glen are okay. I--I'd be...stop freaking out. Count to ten. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and then I dialed the numbers back. 

"Dr. Carlin, please?" I waited for them to find her.

"Mom, did you call me from the hospital?"

"Uhh, did I? It's been like a mad house in here. Let me think." That's my mom for you, very spacey and whatever she's a bitch. I doubt she called me, what would she ever want to talk to me about?

"Oh yeah! Your friend Carmen was in here earlier, she said to call you and tell you that she couldn't come over."

Wait. Okay, freak out time. "Mom! Why was she in the hospital? Is she okay?!"

"She had a sprained wrist and a fractured collar bone. She said she was just being clumsy and tripped up her stairs at her house. She said she's going to be fine, she actually just left like about thirty minutes ago. I don't think anyone picked her up and I think she drove herself here. Your friend will be fine, but I have to get back to work. I'll see you at home. Love you. Bye."

Ugh, I hate it when she's at work, she has to fake those I love you's. It really makes me sick to my stomach, because if she loved me...then she wouldn't let well you know. I hate saying it, but she wouldn't have let it happen all these damn years. Wait, Carmen doesn't have stairs in her house. She lives in an apartment, and they don't have stairs...holy shit. I need to find her.

I dialed Carmen's cell, there was no answer. I called again, still no answer. I was about to really start freaking out. One more time, she will pick up this time. I slowly listened to the phone ring, "Hello?" Thank God.

"Carmen? Where are you? I've been worried sick. I talked to my mom, what happened?" I started panicking over the phone. My breaths were becoming shallow and quick. I needed to know what happened, I mean she was my girlfriend after all.

"I'm on my way to your house now. We can talk there, the important thing is I'm okay and I'll be there soon. Okay? So, you don't have to worry about me, I'm fine. I'll talk to you when I get there," She hung up the phone right away and she didn't bother for me to give her a response. That was unlike her, something happened to her. I just don't know what yet. 

I sat on my bed and nervously tapped my foot. I forgot to go downstairs and wait for her there, but I was just out of it. I had no idea what was going on with her, why would she make up some lie that she fell up stairs, when she didn't have any in her apartment? Did someone hurt her, and she's afraid? God, is she more like me than I ever knew possible? Just get here already Carmen.

I heard someone open my door and I instantly looked up, "How'd you get up here?"

"Ashley let me in," I guess that probably shouldn't have been my first question. Wait, Ashley and Glen are home? When did that happen---stop this is not important focus Spencer.

"Oh, are you okay? What happened? Come here." I ran over to Carmen, kissed her on the forehead, and gave her a long embracing hug. "Sit on my bed, tell me."

Carmen got this look over her face, a look I've never seen before. And I really do not like it. "What's up? You're hurt, I'm worried--"

Carmen pressed her fingers to my lips, "Shh, it's all going to be okay after this."

"After this? After what?" I'm so confused right now. I wish she'd just tell me the truth instead of avoiding whatever she's trying to tell me.

"Well, you know how my parents died and I've been living with my Aunt and Uncle since I've been five right?"

I don't like stories that start out with backgrounds, especially when I already know the story, "Yes, I remember. What does this have to do with why you're hurt?"

"I'm getting there," She sighed, "Well, I told you how my uncle has a bad temper? Well, he gets carried away sometimes--"

"That bastard did this to you?! I'm not going to let him hurt you!" I stood up and Carmen grabbed my wrist to hold me down. I don't know how I could be all so willing to hurt someone else's guardian when I can't even do it to my own father. So I'm glad she held me back, although I was ready to go ninja on his ass.

"Just listen. So he's been getting really rough lately and really angry. And I've contemplated this decision for a really long time. You remember my friend, Tina right? Well she's been offering me back up and security for a long time. And I decided to finally take it, because I fear that one day my uncle might go really crazy on me and seriously hurt me."

Wait, she's confusing me with her words. "Wait, what are you saying---you joined a--"

"A gang. I had to! You don't understand what I'm going through! I needed support, and babe I know you'd support me, but I need this physical support. The reason I'm like this is because I was initiated into the gang today. I'm sorry, I didn't tell you sooner I didn't think you'd approve."

My face was I don't even know what face I was making. I was in complete shock. I wasn't expecting this. She's right, "I don't approve. Get the hell out! I won't date someone who's in a gang! Are you fucking insane?"

I threw up my hands and started to pace around the room. I was infuriated, I can't deal with someone being in a gang. Carmen used to make me feel safe, but as soon as she uttered those words it gave me that chill up my spine, the chill I get when I know my dad is about to beat me. It made me feel the opposite of safe, it made me feel as if she could hit me at any moment.

"Don't say that, what's so wrong? I'm still the same person," She sat on my bed speaking as she watched me run around the room.

"Now you are, but you'll change. People always change, I'm sorry Carmen I can't date someone in a gang. I love you and all, but no I won't, I can't. I'm sorry." I held my head down and looked at the ground and just pointed my finger to the door. 

"Babe, what are you so worried about?" She came towards me and held me.

"You. I'll always be worried about you, they will ask you to do thing for the better of the gang---I just can't do it. I'll worry too much, I feel like I will always be in some sort of danger. I'm sorry, please go." I felt a tear, trickle down my face. I don't know why I started crying, maybe I did love her, just not the real kind of love I felt with Ashley. Or maybe I was crying out of fear that I would get hurt one day, and it could be at her hand. 

In the back of my mind I was thinking how this was a way out that I had been looking for to break up with her. But it wasn't just that I wanted to break up with her, it was for this reason too. I didn't feel safe any longer, and I won't as long as she is doing that shit. I saw this as my out of this relationship, although, it is hurting more than I thought it would. 

"Don't do this, Spence. I love you." Carmen went to kiss me on the cheek, I let her, only because I knew that would be the last time.

I wiped away the tears from my eyes and I backed away from her as I spoke, "You did this to yourself. Please, just leave. This is harder for me than you think. Please, go. I'm glad you're okay, I'll miss you. But until you get away from that life your going to lead, I can't be with you." I looked at the floor as she just stared at me.

I couldn't bare to make eye contact with her. I felt too bad, because I knew I wasn't just breaking up with her for the sole reason she is apart of a gang now. But she didn't know that and I think that's what killed me. I hated lying and not telling the truth to people when it mattered. 

"I understand. You're only doing this because you love me. I'll leave, but I'll call you in a couple of days after you cooled off." She picked up her jacket and stood at the door. I don't know if she was waiting for me to stop her from leaving, because I wasn't. I don't know what she was waiting for, but I knew that this was one of the last times I'd see her walk out of my door.

I slammed the door after Carmen walked out of it. Why does everyone I end up getting close do turn into some person who likes to hurt people? Is there something that wrong with me? My father hits me, Glen is starting to come close to being my father, Carmen joins a gang so she has to start beating up people, is there something that wrong with me that I turn people away to hurting? I can't grasp that.

It has to be me. I'm the only common denominator. It's me. There's something wrong with me. I started to freak, I couldn't help but keep thinking the same thing over and over again. Everyone around me turns to that kind of life. I just can't bare the thought that it's something that I do. Everyone that I have ever touched, turns into some monster. 


	12. Space

A/n: Thanks for the feedback and such. And this chapter wouldn't have been completed without the help of---well you know who you are. :-)

I couldn't get this thought out of my head. I can barely grasp this thought, could it be true? It has to be. I still haven't moved from my room. I moved from the middle of my floor to leaning up against my closet door. I clenched my knees and kept swaying back and forth. If it is me, I can't do this to Ashley. I can't change her, she will change into someone she doesn't like or someone that I created her into being. I can't let her change into that.

I've seen my father, Glen's getting there, I just dumped Carmen because she's turning into the same monster I have been living with my entire life. I can't do that to Ashley, I won't let myself. I sobbed loudly into my legs as I held them to my chest. I didn't know what else to do but to cry. I had my eyes closed and hoped for a friend. Someone that would tell me that it's all going to be all right. I think I needed to hear those words before I went insane. 

I slammed the back of my head against my closet door and squeezed my eyes tightly. I slammed my head again, maybe if I just hurt myself everyone around me will stop hurting me. No stop, you're not logically thinking right now. You have way too many emotions, there's going to be no logical thought that will pass through your head. Except that ---

"Spencer? What's wrong, come here." I tried to smile when I heard her voice, but I was just so screwed up right now I couldn't.

"Ash? Go away." I made a motion with my hands and tried to push her out of here. I didn't want her seeing me like this, I was a mess. 

"No, why? You're hurt? What's wrong? Talk to me." Ashley knelt beside me and held me. She made soothing motions on my arm. Ah, God how I loved her touch. I instantly felt better, until my thoughts rose the surface of my brain again. 

"I don't want to, go away." I couldn't tell Ashley what I was thinking or feeling. She doesn't need to know about what goes on in this messed up head of mine.

"It looks like you need a friend. And I'm a friend, so I'm not going any where. It's best if you talk to someone, you know. I'm not going to bite or judge." Ashley smiled and she always knew the right words to say to make me want to spill out my entire heart to her. I knew on some level she'd understand everything I'm going through. I just--can't. I've never told anyone and I can't start. 

I couldn't form words I just kind of sat there and cried into Ashley's shoulder. "Spence, come lets get off the floor." She held out her hand and waited for me to grab it. I stared at her hand, hesitated a bit, then gave her one of those reassuring smiles and grabbed a hold of her hand. She guided me to my bed and we both sat down. 

"I broke up with Carmen." That sentence kind of just flew out of my mouth like I had no control. 

"Oh, really? I'm---sorry." There was a very long pause and I knew she couldn't truly be sorry, but that was okay. She was probably happy I broke up with Carmen because she was just so jealous of her. "Wait, is this what this is all about?"

Oh God, she thinks I'm acting crazy insane because I broke up with Carmen. No, now I have to set the fucking record straight. How can I do that, without telling the truth? 

"No---not really, sort of. She joined a gang and I couldn't be with someone like that. I can't deal with those kind of people around me all the time, hurting me like that. Or hurting others, or making me feel unsafe...I can't have that any more than I already do." Shit I just let way too much escape my mouth, she's going to ask questions and I don't want to lie. 

I know exactly what to do. I can't tell her everything, it will probably scare her away. And like I was saying before I am the cause of all this hurt and anger people are turning to. And I'm not going to let that happen to her.

"Is there something you need to tell me? I'm here for you," Ashley smiled at me, blinked her eyes and waited for my response.

"Yes, there is, I want you to leave. I need to be alone, so just go." This is my brilliant way to get her out of my door, and out of my life. I don't want to destroy her life, with all the burden's that come along with dating me.

"What? No, you need someone here." Ashley removed her hand from my shoulder and inched away from me.

"No, I said I didn't now go!" This would be the second person in a row I have kicked out of my room. I'm on a roll, go me. 

"You don't mean it---"

"I do, just leave! I already asked you nicely. I fucking want to be alone, go." I stood up and held open my door. She bowed her head and started to walk towards the door.

"I fucking tried to be your friend." Ashley muttered as she walked out of my room.

"Yeah well, too late." I had no idea what that meant, I was just trying to be cruel to her as hard as it was. I really did want her there because I did need a friend to tell me everything was going to be all right. But whatever, I can't ---whatever.

Glen came barging in my room not two seconds later, "What the fuck did you say to Ashley? She's crying in my bedroom over there!"

God, I can't deal with this. "Get the fuck out! I'm crying over here too, don't you care!" I pointed to my tear stained cheeks.

"Well, you did something to her, what did you do?" Glen pounded on my wall. I saw rage building in him, I didn't like it.

"Not a damn thing. If u want to know the truth, I told her to get the hell out of my room and I didn't need her as a friend right now. Okay? Okay. So get out of my room, I just broke up with my girlfriend, give me some fucking slack!" I ran up to him and pushed him out of my room. This time I thought it through and locked the door behind him.

I am not going to have any one else barge through that door and make this worse. "You're going to be sorry, you did that!" Glen pounded on the door as he shouted. Damnit, I cannot take anymore crazies in this house. Glen is starting to freak me out and what is he going to do to get back at me? I'm slightly concerned. 

Whatever, I jumped on my and dialed a friend's number I haven't in a while. I kind of neglected to see her, except when I was in school. 

"Hey girl? Are you dying? Because I haven't heard your voice on the phone in the longest time. I'm glad to hear it though, what's up?"

"Chelsea I have missed you. I don't know what to do. You're the only non-judgemental, stable person I know to give me advice. I broke up with Carmen." I slowly sobbed. I don't know why I called her, I just needed to vent about anything.

"Sorry to hear that hun, whatever she wasn't good enough for you. She was a bitch."

"But I thought you liked her?"

"Girl, not anymore that you've broken up with her. Now, she just wasn't good enough for my Spencer." Chelsea laughed and she was already starting to make me feel better. 

"Yeah but---" I heard banging on my door.

"Unlike this door this instance, young lady." All the hairs on my neck stood up, I knew that voice. I can't deal with my dad now too. He sounds really pissed. 

"Hey Chels sorry to cut this short, but I got to go." I hung up the phone and tossed it aside. I wiped away the tear stains from my cheeks, because I did not want my dad to see it as a weakness.

I unlocked the door and looked at him towering over me with his fists clenching, and unclenching. I had a feeling what might happen. "Uh, yeah dad? What did you need?" I walked towards my bed.

"Sit down." He said as he closed my door. Oh God, he closed my door. I don't think I could take another beating, his last one was so harsh. I promised myself if he got that bad again, I'd finally fight back, stand up for myself. But the way today has been emotionally I probably deserved the beating. 

I sat down and just awaited whatever he was going to say. "Glen told me that you're gay. Is this true?"

Oh my God, no she did not. That mother fucker did, how could he out me like that? He doesn't fucking know the half of what dad does to me, why would he go and do that. I'm going to kill Glen.

"No, he's lying. I just made him mad and he's just trying to get back on me, that's all. Don't believe a word he says." Oh gosh, I hope he believes me. I know how much he hates gay people and I planned on not coming out to him once I had moved the hell out of our house and was far far away.

"You're a lying bitch." He looked at me with that glosed over look. 

"No, he's lying. I'm not gay." I hated saying that out loud, it's not like I'm lying to myself, I just know my dad can't handle the truth without---my thought process was interupted by the back of his hand slapping my face. That one stung. 

Think of something else during all this. Do it. Damnit, the only thought that's going through my head is of course---Ashley. 


	13. Caldecott Tunnel

I had my eyes closed as I felt my father's bare hand strike me across the face, hoping it would be the last. He squeezed my arms tight and shook me until I swear I was about to vomit all over the place. He dug his fists in between my ribs and knew exactly the right place to make it hurt, yet he knew it wouldn't do enough damage that I would have to go to the hospital. 

Fuck you father, and fuck you Glen for causing this. All I could hear my father say throughout all this was, "You wanna be fucking gay? Well then, here, be gay." And he would do whatever he felt like doing to be after that. He continued to say it over and over, taunting me like I had no power, no control, that I would convert to being straight. I don't have a choice in the matter, and there's no way he could scare me away from being who I am.

"What the fuck? Get the hell off her!" Glen came running into the room and he say our father punching me in the gut. I saw Glen throw him against the wall and give him a nice long, hard punch to his jaw. "What the hell are you doing to Spencer?!" Glen yelled at him.

I was extremely nauseated and my vision was blurring because my eyes were filling up with tears. No, go away, I can't show him I cry. Go away tears. I closed my eyes and tried to force them back. They wouldn't budge. My father quickly flipped the switch on Glen and had him pressed up against the wall. My father took out his pocket knife and held it to Glen's throat.

This was all my brother's fault, but I can't just stand here and watch. That's not who I am. I went over to my father and started pounding on his arms, trying to pull them away, but his grip was too strong. He pushed me down and I hit my head on the corner of my bed. Holy shit, that one hurt. I reached back barely feeling the pain anymore because it hurt everywhere on my body. I wiped my brow, at least it didn't break skin, but it's going to leave a large bump or something.

I heard my father tell Glen with his very dominating and demanding voice. It's not his usual voice, this voice would scare even Hulk Hogan. "You fucking tell anyone about this son, and you won't be talking for weeks. Just try it, I'll have you in my mental institution telling all the other crazies."

Glen spit in his face, "Fuck you dad," He looked over at me. He actually looked like he felt bad for me, like he should have stood up for me sooner or he should have known. My father laughed and smirked at Glen. He turned to look at me like he was expecting me to laugh to.

He let go of Glen, then gave him a hard, powerful punch in his abdomen. Glen clutched himself and fell to his knees. Arthur walked over to me and picked me up by my hair, I thought it was all going to rip out of my scalp. "Fine, Glen tell anyone...and your sister well has it. He held the knife up to my throat. I pleaded with my eyes to Glen, fuck Glen just don't tell anyone. I can take care of myself, I've lived with these beatings my whole life.

"Well?!" My dad screamed as he grabbed more of my hair and placed the cold blade against my neck. "Say a word son, and Spencer here---well you'll find out what I can really do to shut someone up." He threw me on the floor and walked over my body. He slammed the door as he left.

Glen came running by my side, "I'm so sorry, I didn't--"

"Fuck off. Get away, leave me alone. You did this to me, you fucking outed me to dad! How could you!?" I hit his hand away as he continuously tried to help me up. I slowly, but surely stood up on my own. I can do this alone, I always have. Plus, I'm pissed off at Glen and I almost hate him right now and hate is a strong word I hate using.

"I didn't know! I was just--"

I'm not in the mood to listen to whatever excuse he has, "Just trying to hurt me? Get me in trouble? Well, congratulations! You did both! Now, fuck off." I walked over to my bed and sat. I'm not feeling so well. My dad was harsh tonight and I can't take all these emotions.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I had no idea he did this--"

"No you didn't. Now you do, so leave me alone." I crossed my arms and kept giving him the coldest look I could manage.

"I--I'm--"

"You're sorry, great. Sorry isn't going to go back in time and NOT tell dad I'm gay, is it? So if you want to do me any good right now, you'll leave."

Glen finally took the hint and bowed his head as he walked out of the room. I probably made him feel extremely bad, but did I care? Nope. Because if it wasn't for him telling my dad about me, I would be perfectly fine. My dad wouldn't have done this, God damnit, I cannot wait to get the fuck out of this house and far, far away. I don't know how much longer I can take these beatings...and now that Glen knows, I don't know if he will keep his mouth shut. He better, or else it will only get worse for me. I've never seen my father that serious before in his life. I know he'd take my life in an instant, if his reputation was at risk.

I cannot wait for a new day tomorrow. A new day brings somewhat peace to my mind. I searched for my hidden stash of valium under my mattress and popped a few. I needed a nice long rest. Plus, it took away most of the pain after nights like this. I laid on my back and looked at my ceiling. Soon, my ceiling disappeared and I was fast in my slumber.

_"Mommy! Mommy!" Spencer ran on top of her mother and tried waking her up. "Come on! It's time to unwrap the presents!" Spencer violent shook her mother with all her might. Paula woke up smiling and slowly rubbed her eyes._

_"Is that my little Spencey-Wencey?" Paula smiled as she yawned._

_"Mom!! I wanna open presents!" Spencer jumped on top of her mother than she moved to the bed and started to hop on the bed. "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" Spencer shouted off as she kept jumping. She was off in her own happy world._

_Paula sat up and pulled her daughter down on top of her. She started to tickle Spencer's side as she giggled. "Mom! Oww that hurts! It tickles, it tickles!" Spencer laughed out as she squirmed in her mother's arms._

_"Happy birthday!" Glen shouted as he helped tickled Spencer on the sides._

_"Ahh, Glen, Mom! I can't breathe!" Spencer laughed, hardly as her lungs were working double time. She was a happy little girl waiting for her birthday presents that her mommy promised._

_"You're daddy's on his way home, you're going to love it! It's exactly what you asked for!" Paula smiled as she hopped out of bed and ran to her closet. She threw on her silk robe and picked up Spencer from the bed and tucked her under her arm. She was eight years old but she was still very small and extremely excited for her birthdays. It was her favorite holiday, because it was all about her._

_Paula carried Spencer down the stairs and sat her at the table. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear my favorite daughter Spencer! Happy birthday to you!!" Paula regained her breath and then clapped and encouraged Spencer to blow out the candles._

_"Yay daddy's home!" Spencer shouted and clapped as she blew out her eight candles._

_"It's daddy!" Arthur stood at the door and held out his arms, "Come here my favorite daughter!"_

_Spencer jumped down from her chair and ran into her father's arm. She gave him a nice loving embrace and held him tight as if she loved him. "Daddy what did you get me!" Spencer smiled and stood anxiously._

_"Aw, no kiss on the cheek first?" Arthur pointed to his cheek and waited for Spencer to kiss him on the cheek. Spencer shyly waited and then kissed him on the cheek._

_"Now, what did you get me?" She innocently smiled._

_"Spencer, you're not my daughter. You're gay, you're disgusting, I'd love nothing more than to disown you." Arthur stood up and looked down at the little girl, who quickly became the full grown teenage Spencer._

_"What did you say daddy?" Spencer asked as her eyes diverted to the floor and her tears starting streaming down her face._

_"I have you're present." Arthur turned around, pulled out a butcher knife and stabbed Spencer in the abdomen. Spencer's face light up and she gasped for air as she clenched her wound._

Holy shit. Fuck, that was one fucked up dream. I sat up and clenched my stomach as I gasped for air. That was intense, that felt fucking real. Damn, I'm pretty sure I hate my father. Somehow in this messed up head of my mine I miss my father and how we used to be.

I lifted up my shirt because that dream felt more than real and made sure my father really didn't stab me. I looked out the window and saw the sun starting to rise. I need a good run. Running usually takes things off my mind and running always gets me somewhere. Helps me clear my mind. I threw on some sweats and headed down the steps. I was a little sore from the -- incident that happened last night, but I had wallowing in my own sorrows so I decided to run.

It's like when you're really sick and you know if you just stay home and sleep all day it will only get worse because you're just wallowing in how sick you are. I hate doing that because then I'd just start feeling sorry for myself, so I need to suck it up and run. Push all my thoughts to the back of my brain and forget everything for those minutes I'm running. Just run as the cars pass me by and as I say hi to the fellow joggers to the same thing at five in the morning. I laced up my running shoes and did exactly that.

I finished my refreshing run and hopped in the shower. I realized today was my last day of finals and then I was out for winter break. Woo, fucking hoo, that means more time spent at home, watching Ashley make out with dumb Glen and watching Kyla and Aiden be all happy---while I have pushed away the only girl who wanted me. Great ending, to a great year.

Whatever, I just need to finish my shower and then pass this final. Only one more semester of this shit, then I'm out of this place. The only thing I'll regret leaving behind is Kyla, I just don't know if I can do that. I wouldn't know if dad would use his horrible tactics on her and I've bared it throughout all these years just so she wouldn't have to.

"Hey what are you doing here?" I looked at Ashley in the eyes as I finished pulling over my sweater.

"Glen asked me to give you a ride. That's all I'm here for." Ashley said harshly. Oh right, I was kind of a bitch to her yesterday but whatever it's understandable.

"Oh, well thanks, ready?" I said as I grabbed my back pack and threw it over my right shoulder.

"Yup." She said as she walked out of the door and started up the car. This was all done in silence and I don't blame her. I'm just wondering why Glen didn't give me a ride to school today. Guess if I was him I couldn't like myself in the eye either. He probably couldn't deal with that fact that our Catholic-never-do-anything-wrong father hits his precious daughter. So I guess I can understand why he is avoiding me. Whatever not like I want to see his stupid ass anyways. I'd just rather be a bitch to him than Ashley.

"Why don't you like me anymore!?" Ashley shouted as she pounded on wheel. She looked over at me and then looked back at the road. Damn these past days have been intense. I can't catch a break, can I?

"Can't we just get me to school in one piece?" I continued to watch the scenery pass by. I wasn't in the mood to defend myself or put up an argument.

"So, what? You're just going to pretend nothing ever happened between us?" Ashley sneered at me.

Fine, whatever if she wants this. I slapped my thighs before I spoke, "No it's not that at all! It's ---I like you too fucking much. Pull over up here! I'll walk the rest of the way!" I whipped open my door as the car was still in motion. I was about to roll out of the car and start walking. But instead she sped up, making in impossible me to get out alive.

"No! I want to do this, finish this!"

"Finish what? We never started!"

"Just, I need to know. Do you still like me?" Ashley's voice got lower, but she was still demanding answers.

"Fuck, I already said yes! Let me out!" She parked in front of the school and I ran up the steps and I wasn't more excited to get to my final. I can't deal with all this. I need a week or two just to gather everything, so I can just go back to my normal composed self. I've never yelled so much in a day before, especially at someone I cared for.


	14. Good News

**A/n: Thanks for all the reviews and I hope you guys really enjoy this update. Much love. **

I really don't know how long it has been since I've talked to Glen and Ashley but it's been a while. School has been out and today is New Year's Eve. I'm excited for two reasons. One, my parents are off in Mexico--I think that's where they went--- pretending their marriage is not a complete lie. Two, I plan on getting so drunk I will not even remember my name. Sounds like my new year is going to be started right, isn't it?

Glen hasn't said more than two words to me since that fateful day in my room. He's driven me to school but it's usually a silent drive with pitiful looks coming from him. I can understand why he feels sorry for me, but I can't stand those looks. That's why I have never told anyone about what happens when my bedroom door is closed. I cannot stand those looks. But Glen hasn't been himself lately. I miss his perverted jokes. I never thought in my life I'd say something like that, but I miss my brother being---my brother.

"Hey, Spencer can I talk to you about something?" Kyla quietly spoke as she closed my door very slowly. This must be something serious. Whatever, I'm back to my normal self I can handle this. My bruises from the other week has mostly have faded you can't see much but some faded bruises. So that's a good thing, if I hook up with a complete random stranger---I cannot wait.

Oh right, I need to answer Kyla. "Yeah, of course." I smiled at her with a pair of concerned eyes.

Kyla sighs as she plops down on the bed with me. I just look at her and wait for her to start talking.

"Glen told me something disturbing and I need to ask you if it's true." Oh holy shit, I wasn't expecting this at all. Way to bring down the mood.

"Okay, what do you want to ask me?" I smiled and just pretended like I didn't know what was coming.

Kyla paused for a what seemed for a very long time then she shouted very quickly, "Glen told me dad has been hitting you! OHMYGODISTHATTRUEICOULDN'TLIVEIFTHATWASGOINGONALLTHISTIME---" Kyla kept ranting and raving like she usually does when she's anxious and nervous. I let her pace around the room with her hands flailing every where. Until I finally got fed up and shouted at her.

"Kyla! Calm down, and let me answer your damn question."

She sat back down and grabbed my hands, "Is it true?"

I diverted my eye contact towards the floor and thought about if I should admit to the truth or not. I regained eye contact and spoke softly, "Yes, it's true." Kyla began to speak but I cut her off, "But I don't want to talk about it and don't let it ruin our New Year's Eve night, okay? Promise that? I want us to enjoy the night and we will talk about it all tomorrow."

Kyla's eyes began tearing up and she was already starting to look at me differently. I removed my hands from hers and gripped onto her arms and shook her.

"Promise me! Okay?" We looked each other in the eyes and I knew it took a lot for her to muster her next words. Because I knew she wanted to ask me everything about how and why our father hits me. But the truth is, I can barely admit it to myself, how can I spill every detail to someone else?

"Okay, fine. I promise." I leaned in and hugged Kyla. I went to let go but she continued to hold on to me, like she was trying to make up for all the time dad has been beating me. I cannot take this sympathy, I'm not good with that. Damnit, why couldn't it go back to no one knowing.

Kyla wiped away her tears and slowly composed herself. She smiled and decided to break the awkward silence. She sniffled before speaking, "So, how are you and Ashley doing?" She grew a half smile on her face.

Well, it's not like this is a better topic than our father beating me. Because it hasn't been going well. "Well, not good. We've just been arguing lately and shit. I've been going through a lot. With Carmen joining a gang, Glen getting threatened by dad, and Ashley still not breaking up with Glen---I've just been fed up with her not making choices and I kind of just have been gearing all my anger on her."

"Oh, well you know that's not good. Okay, so I wasn't supposed to tell you this but Ashley came and talked to me."

My eyes lit up, what the hell did she just say. She can't just---okay stop thinking and find out what Ashley said to Kyla. "She came to talk to you about what exactly?"

"I promised her I wouldn't tell you." Kyla look away.

"What the hell! You can't tell me she came to talk to you and not tell me why!" I pouted on my bed as I crossed my arms. I gave her one of those you-have-to-tell-your-sister-looks.

Kyla was about to get up to walk away but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. "All right fine!" She paused, "Since you asked so nicely."

I sat there waiting very impatiently as she took her sweet time to think of whatever the conversation was between the two. "Well?!" I shouted at her as I widened my eyes, so she would get the hint that I wanted to know badly.

"Well, she's really concerned about you. You have been really hostile towards her the past week or so and she's starting to feel bad. She was asking, what she did wrong and what she could do to make things better. She also told me that she's breaking up with Glen---tonight."

Okay, what? Did I hear Kyla right or was I day dreaming? She's finally going to break up with Glen, awesome. It only took me being a complete bitch to her to get her to do it. Well finally, doesn't mean I'm not going to play hard to get now. Damn Spencer back to your old ways.

"Did you hear what I said?" Kyla tapped me on the shoulder and I snapped out of thinking mode.

"Oh right, well good she break up with that dumb ass." I smiled and thought about how I might actually finally get that girl.

"Are you ready for another relationship, if that even happens? Didn't you just break up with Carmen like two weeks ago?"

I thought about it for a second, "Yeah, I just broke up with her---but I'd be ready for Ashley any day. You don't understand sis, this girl is different---this girl, she's just unexplainable. I knew I could love her since the first time I laid eyes on her, I know that sounds crazy and impossible but I know I want her to be mine." I smiled at Kyla and just thought about Ashley. I shook my head out of it before my thoughts became a dirty day dream.

"Hey well I'm going to leave you to your uhh thoughts." Kyla smiled as she got up and started to walk away. "Hey we need to start setting up for the party in like a couple of hours. Glen is out and he said he'd be back with three kegs because he thinks it's going to the biggest party we've ever had."

Kyla left the room then two seconds later popped her head in, "Hey are you bringing a date over?"

"Uh, nope. I'm hoping for a random hot stranger or Ashley. And you know which one I really want." I smirked at Kyla.

"Oh well, that settles that. Aiden said he's coming over in about an hour to help us set up."

"You got that boy whipped." I shouted into the hallway as she walked away.

"I know! That's how I like my men!" Kyla shouted down the hall from the room. And even though we were in separate rooms we both laughed at the same time.

I need to prepare a really cute outfit for tonight. I searched through my closet...jeans or skirt? I looked at my closet and kept debating over what I should wear to make Ashley drool over me. And I still find myself at the same question, jeans or skirt? Okay step back away from the closet and take a good look. I want to be comfortable but look really good.

All right, so loose but tight enough jeans. I threw them on and checked out my ass in my mirror. Nice, looks good those will work. All right the tough part, what kind of cute top should I wear. I am really just diggin' a tight faded tee shirt. Or should I go with a slightly slutty halter top. Hmm, damn it's so hard being a girl sometimes. The clothing choices are so hard. All these decisions make a girl crazy. Okay, tight faded tee shirt and these cute jeans that definitely make my butt look cute.

I ran into Kyla's room to get the approval of my outfit, "How do I look?" I asked as I twirled around.

She laughed, "Probably as good as you'll ever get."

"You're such a bitch, Kyla." I ran over to her and started messing with her hair.

"Hey! I just straightened it! Damnit." Kyla got a pissy mood and swatted me.

"Aww, is Kyla bear pissed at me?" I smiled as I reached to mess her hair up again.

She swatted it away again, "Stop!" I'm glad she's treating me like her usual sister again and doesn't give me any sympathetic looks. Awesome. This is going to be a great night, I foresee it.

"All right, so seriously cute outfit?" I stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of my shirt.

"Yes, Ashley will jump your bones." Kyla smirked.

"Good, that's exactly what I'm aiming for. All right I'm going to curl my hair, I'll be down to help you and Aiden to set up when I'm done." I looked around the room, to see if Aiden was even here yet.

"Where is Aiden?" I said standing in her doorway.

"Oh, he's running late. He said he's bringing you a date, don't be mad." Kyla sat in a flinching motion, preparing herself for me to yell at her or mess up her hair again.

"What?! Kyla!" I stomped my feet and hit her door.

"What? He already told the girl you were single and looking for someone to hook up with! I didn't want to tell him to tell her no! It doesn't mean you have to be nice to her or anything. Please? It's a friend of Aiden's."

I crossed my arms and glared at Kyla. I pouted and shook my head at her. "Well, fine. Whatever." I said as I stormed out the room.

"Don't be mad!" I heard her shout as I continued to walk down the hall.

"Whatever," I scoffed under my breath. I'm going to go curl my hair now and get some of my aggression out on my hair. Wait, I shouldn't do that--it'd end up looking like I had a fro in mid-July weather. Just get your aggression out by screaming into the nearest pillow, then curl your hair. And that's what I did. I walked over to my bed, plopped my face into my euro pillow and screamed. A nice, long, well-needed scream. Now, that I feel better, time to curl my hair.

All right so let's skip over all the boring parts that lead up to the party. So I'm at the party and Ashley has yet to arrive. I am actually getting scared she isn't going to show up because she knows I'm here or something. Glen came with his kegs and I asked him about Ashley. "I don't know, she isn't returning my calls. She said she wasn't feeling good, so she may have fallen asleep. I'm not too worried." Glen shrugged his shoulders and walked off. He can still barely talk to me and he's nice when I ask about Ashley now, not all protective.

I got another drink from the keg and started to chug it down, but all of a sudden I wasn't really in the mood to drink. Whatever, I need alcohol in my system to talk to my date. Yeah she was cute and all but I was hoping to at least talk to Ashley tonight. And this girl was all over me.

"Let's dance!" She smiled as she pulled me onto the dance floor. The party was getting crowded and the familiar faces were starting to disappear. I started dancing with this chick just because she was convenient. But don't get me wrong, I'm a little sexually frustrated so if Ashley isn't around---this girl will due for my new year's kiss. I hate to think like that because that's not what I want. But you know, I kept pouring drinks into my mouth and by the end of the night I won't be thinking.

I was holding onto this chicks hips when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I turned around as this girl continued to dance on me. "Hey, Kyla what's up?"

She leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Uhm Ashley's glaring four o'clock." Kyla stepped back and waited for me to find Ashley's eyes.

I looked around the room. Okay, is she that drunk? "Where the fuck is four o'clock? Just make eye contact with the spot and tell me left or right." I got a little snappy because if Ashley is looking at me, she will see this girl all over me.

"Can you bitch at me more please? But right corner," Kyla nodded her head towards her general directions and I spotted Ashley. I gave Ashley a head nod and smiled at her. She definitely did not return the smile, it was barely even a smile I was looking for. Okay, time to go talk to her.

I leaned in and whispered in this girl's ear and I left her on the dance floor. I moved through the crowd and pushed people aside as I pleased. I stood before Ashley and smiled. I went in to hug her but she immediately stepped back and refused. That's it.

"Hey? What's wrong?" I talked over the music and all the background noise.

"Nothing, I was just watching you and your new girlfriend dance." Ashley made eye contact when she said girlfriend and then diverted it to her beer in her cup.

"Girlfriend? Ha, Aiden set me up with that train wreck. I want you, you know that." I smiled and reached out and grabbed her hand.

She smiled and then took her hand back. "Great, well I hope you two can work it out." What the fuck is her problem.

"What the hell! You tell Kyla that you want me then you act like a complete bitch! You're a tease Ashley Davies. You're just a huge tease." I shook my head at her and then walked away.

Of course she chases after me, "No, you don't get the last word!" She yells as she chases after me. I stomped up my stairs to my bedroom, which was the only area off limits in our house so no one was up there. I, of course, slammed my door in Ashley's face and no more than a second later she opened it up and stomped on in.

"You're the fucking tease!" Ashley said as she slammed the door.

"No! You say you want me, you kiss me, you say you can't date me, but then you tell my sister that you're breaking up with Glen and want to be with me! And what now you act all cold to me! I can't do this anymore! So get out!" I said as I plopped on my bed. I cannot take this emotional rollercoaster any longer. There's so much on my plate, I can't do it.

I stood up and I stood before her. I couldn't sit still. "No, you don't get to decide that! You can be such a bitch, but I like you and you look really hot tonight." What? My head perked up and I gave her a smirk. "And I want you really badly." Okay, she definitely said that. I inched my way closer, but Ashley ran towards me and pushed me up against my wall.

Damn, this was really hot. She took my head and forced a kiss on me. I grabbed her head back and tasted her sweet lips. Mmm cherry lip gloss, even sweeter. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at me in the eyes and smiled. She removed my hands from her neck and held them above my head. Oh, this was new. She firmly held them there as she kissed me again. Then she rubbed her nose against mine and whispered in my ear, "I want to be with you. It's us now." I smiled as I heard those words.

"I've been waiting--"

"Shh." She pressed her index finger on my lips. She quickly removed my shirt and then placed my hands over my head again so I couldn't touch her. I tried to get out of her grip but she forced my hands back down. With her free hand she traced a line down my entire body and stopped at the button of my jeans. All my senses in my body tingled and I seriously was instantly wet. I usually like being in control and I wanted to be so badly, but with Ashley, somehow I didn't mind one bit that she was in control. I loved it.

Ashley let go of my hands and we were soon sharing passionate kisses everywhere. This girl makes me crazy but in the best way possible. I threw her on my bed since my jeans were already off it was time for me to take off hers. I've been dying for months to do just this and it was better than all my day dreams already. She giggled as I kissed her stomach and unbutton her jeans and threw them aside.

"Spencer I want to tell you that this is my---"

I smiled up at her, "I know, I'll be gentle." I smirked at her. But I definitely do not want you to be gentle with that tongue ring of yours.

We heard a bunch of motion going on downstairs and we just looked at each other as I held her hand. We heard people shouting, "3, 2, 1! Happy New Year!" I smiled, and looked at Ashley.

"Happy New Year's babe," I said as I leaned in for a nice long kiss as Ashley slipped in her tongue ring. Did I tell you she knows how to use that? I just can't wait till she uses it somewhere else...

"Happy New Year's. I lo--I really like you Spence." Ashley smiled and composed herself. I'm pretty sure she almost said love, but we will tackle that subject later. This has been a great start to the new year already. This was everything I had imagined, hoped for, and more.


	15. Hurricane

**A/n: Here's the update, hope you enjoy. Thanks for all the reviews and such, greatly appreciated. And I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter. Much love.**

"Spencer...Spencer," Ashley whispered into my ear as she slowly nudged me. I kept my eyes closed because I feared that this was all just a huge dream. If everything that happened last night was a dream I think I'd run to my window and scream at the top of my lungs. Because---well I'd be so pissed. You know how long I have been waiting for this moment? Seems like forever.

Ashley kept nudging me. She moved my loose strands of my hair away from my neck and started slowly but sensually kissing my neck and made a path to my ear. "Spencer, you're so beautiful. I never want to move from this spot. I--"

My face was turning bright pink, she was making me blush. I turned and cut her off from continuing to speak and pressed my lips onto hers. Once I released from the kiss, I opened my eyes, pressed my forehead onto hers, and looked into her gorgeous brown eyes. She had this nose crinkling smile on her face that made me melt.

I laid back down on my bed and she propped herself on one elbow and ran her fingers through my hair. "I wanted to wake you up before I left--"

I have heard enough, "Leaving? You can't go anywhere." I pouted and refused to look at her. I was hoping my cute pouting will work and make her stay all day in bed with me.

"My mom has this stupid thing we do every first of the year. We all come together as a family and have this new year day's lunch dinner thing." Ashley frowned after she finished speaking. She took my chin and turned my face towards her. "Don't be mad." She whispered. "Come on. You're not mad. Come on," She said then my pout turned into a smile because I couldn't help it. I couldn't be mad and I couldn't even pretend to be mad at her.

"Well, how long will you be gone? Now, that I have you, I don't want to spend another second with out you," Oh my gosh, did I just say that? How cheesy did that sound? Oh my gosh, let me just crawl under my blanket and die for sounding like a corny ass hole.

Ashley kept grinning at me, "I know, I know. Hey, I know what, why don't you come with me?" Ashley sat up on the bed smiling. Oooh, I didn't like this idea. Parents, meeting parents are so not my thing. I always make the wrong impression...somehow.

"Oh, no it's okay you know what, I think I can handle being without you for a couple hours," I sat up and leaned against the head board. I didn't know what else to say, I hate meeting parents, I'd rather not meet any parents, EVER.

"Aww, is Spencer scared?" Ashley talked to me in a baby voice.

"No, not scared." I pouted and crossed my arms.

"Aww, you're so cute when you pout, did any one ever tell you that?" Ashley stood up and slid on one of my oversized tee shirts. Damn she looks so hot right now. That shirt isn't staying on for long.

She crawled up on top of me and sat in my lap. "Okay, so you're coming with. No, if, ands, or buts." She poked at my sides until I surrendered.

"Stop, stop, stop," I laughed out as I squirmed around trying to dodge her pokes of fury. She was taking no prisoners.

"Not until you say you want to come," Ashley smiled as she kept on poking.

"Fine! You win. I'll come to your weird family tradition," She smiled, I think she was happy to have me come with her, "as your date."

Ashley's face froze, "Well, just friends? My uh parents don't---I--they, well I haven't come out to them yet, so can we act just as friends?" She pushed hair behind my ear and placed a gentle, sweet kiss on my lips, then she slipped her tongue in to ensure that I wouldn't be mad.

"No big, I completely understand. I'm not out to my parents either," Well sort of, not really. Who knows what my father really thinks, he may have just done that as an excuse to beat me. I don't know if he knows for sure, but still I'm technically not out in my own terms to them.

Ashley had a big question on her face, "Really? It seems like your so comfortable with yourself, I would have figured you would have been out by now to them." Ashley looked at me and waited for my answer.

"Well, you figured wrong. I'm not telling them till, I'm no longer living in this house. They'd freak." I let out a sigh and just kind of tilted my head as I stared at Ashley.

"Enough serious talk, let's make out," I smiled as I pulled her face close to mine as I teased her with my warm breath but refused to kiss her. I slid my hands up her shirt and cupped her soft, supple breasts. God she's so beautiful. I finally let her kiss me as I tasted her sweet lips. She pressed her lips to mine, it felt so good and sweet inside. She moved down to my neck when I heard someone fling open my door.

Oh God, if it's Glen or my dad I'm going to die. Wait, it can't be my dad they are on vacation. Fuck who's at my door? Feels like they are taking forever to show themselves. I quickly darted my hands out from under Ashley's shirt and she quickly hopped under the blanket and off of me.

"Spencer, I have to talk to you----oh my God?! What the fuck is Ashley doing in here?" Kyla said as she slammed my door shut. She stayed inside my room and started pacing around.

"What do you have to talk to me about and can it wait? I'm a little busy here." I gritted through my teeth and diverted my eye contact towards Ashley.

"It's about Aiden, not it can't wait, and you know Glen is looking every where for Ashley, right?" Kyla stood with her hand on her hip as she tapped anxiously with her fingers. Wait, what did she just say?

I looked over at Ashley then looked back at Kyla, "What? Why would he be?" Before Kyla could respond, "Throw me a shirt from the closet." Kyla walked over to the closet and threw me a shirt. I put on my shirt and grabbed my jeans on the floor and threw them on under the blanket as I listened to Kyla speak.

"Well, they haven't broken up----you didn't know? Oh my God, I'm so sorry---I'm going to go." Kyla quickly tried darting out of the my room, oh no, she's not getting out this easily.

"No, stay Kyla." I held up my hand and she stood there, "Ashley, tell her that isn't true."

Ashley reached to the floor for her jeans and she slipped them on. Oh God, she's trying to get away. It fucking must be true, you've got to be fucking kidding me. "Spencer, it's not what you think. We got into it last night, I was hardly away from you last night, how could have I broken up with him then? But I planned on doing it today, okay? Trust me, I want you to be my girlfriend." Ashley said as she zipped up her jeans.

I looked over at Kyla, she had that look on her face like she felt so awkward to be witnessing all this. "Damnit Ashley. You're not going to do it are you?" I've been disappointed all my life, why did I think this time was going to be different? I'm sorry for thinking Ashley was any different.

"No, I am. Right now, okay?" Ashley went around picking up her clothes off my floor. Kyla just stood there watching Ashley pick up all of her clothes off the floor. I knew she felt awkward, but I needed her there.

"I think you should go." My voice turned soft, I felt hurt. Betrayed even.

"Spence, it's going to be just us, I don't see what's the big deal?" Ashley stood there like she really couldn't understand why I'm upset.

"Just I need some space." I heavily sighed.

"Spencer, come on. Stop being so--"

"Being what?"

"Stop acting like this. Stop acting like this isn't hard for me and like I don't care about you." Ashley tried coming closer to me.

She just pissed me off saying that, "Oh fucking eat me."

Ashley smirked, "Well I did. Twice. Or was it more than that? I lost count---"

I couldn't help but let a smile slip, "You're such a--"

"A what? I'm going to go break up with Glen, give you some space, and come back in an hour to pick you up. So be ready to meet my parents, okay?" Ashley walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek. I let her, because I couldn't stay mad at her long.

I watched her leave and didn't say anything because I was still slightly mad at her. I crossed my arms and pouted until she closed my door.

"So anyways, what did you wanna speak to me about?" I plopped on my bed and waited.

Kyla gave me this really confused look, "Um bipolar much? Are we going to talk about what you just made me witness?" Kyla pointed to the spots where Ashley stood and made motions with her hands.

"Um, no? I think you saw what happened. Duh." I rolled my eyes at her and just wanted her to start talking about her problem, because frankly I didn't want to talk about Ashley. I was kind of concerned about if she was really going to break up with Glen or not. I know she was ready to be with me and all but I'm still pissed because she kind of led me to believe that she had already broken up with Glen. Well, I did just kind of assume, whatever. Don't stress, you got a beautiful girl who is by the way amazing with her tongue ring.

"Earth to Spencer? Are you even listening to me? What were you thinking about?" Kyla stood there wide-eyed. She kind of pissed off.

"The best orgasm I've ever had," Shit did I just say that out loud? By the look of Kyla's face, I'd have to say yes.

"Spencer, did I really---best? Really? Better than--"

"Even better. Three times." I held up three fingers, as if she didn't know how much three was. But damn, I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say amazing. If there is another word for amazing, that's how it was multiplied by ten.

"I um anyways, I need to talk to you before you start fantasying about having sex with Ashley again." Kyla sighed. This seemed serious.

It's no longer a fantasy. I smiled as I thought about that, because it was true. I, Spencer Carlin, had Ashley Davies and she was all mine for the taking. Now, all I had to do was tackle Ashley's parents, this should be interesting. Shit, I need to be dispatching some great advice to Kyla, so listen up.

"All right, spill Kyla. What's on your mind?" I tuned off all Ashley thoughts and focused in on Kyla.

"Well, Aiden wants me to move in with him." Kyla stopped talking, I was hoping she would explain more. I'm kind of astonished, what the hell.

"What? How? He lives with his parents. Why? Do you want to?" I just kept asking questions because I had no idea where this even came from, this was so random. Why they aren't even done with school, I have no idea.

"Well, that's not only it. He asked me to marry him." I quickly looked down at Kyla's hand. Holy shit, I didn't even realize that ring on her finger. It's a nice one, none the less. But it's time for me to freak out.

"Oh my God, you did not say yes! Kyla! You're young! You're not even eighteen yet, you still have a year left of school, what the hell?!" I started to pace around the room. I couldn't believe this. The last thing I expected out of her mouth was this and the last person I wanted to be my brother-in-law was Aiden.

"I love him. I thought that was enough. I love him, you should of saw the look in his eyes Spencer. He would have been crushed if I said no, so I said yes. And he wants to move in together as soon as possible. But ---"

"Why don't you just try being engaged for awhile. Then you can try moving in with him. You don't want to jump into things so quickly, what if it doesn't work out? If you truly want to marry him and if he wants to marry you...he can wait to move in."

Kyla looked at the ring on her finger, "You're probably right. I just have to think about my answer a bit more. See if Aiden is serious and what not. He was drinking last night, I just have to wait till he wakes up today and see how he feels." Kyla smiled, it looked sort of forced.

"Kyla?"

"Yeah?"

"I have one question, are you happy with him?"

Kyla stared at me and smiled one of those goofy smiles when you think about the person you love. I already had my answer. "Yes. I know we fight a lot. But I can't seem to go a day without him. I'm happy and I know I love him."

"Then that's all that matters." I sat down next to Kyla, "Hey, I have to start getting ready for Ashley's family dinner."

Kyla's head perked, "Parents? Have you tried to get out of it?" Every one knows how bad I am with parents.

"Yes! I tried, but it seems like it means a lot to her if I come. So I'm going to suck it up, and meet her parents." I swallowed because I felt my throat getting dry, my nerves were starting to overcome me.

"You remember the last parents you met right? You remember how that went?" Kyla laughed.

"I try not to remember."

Kyla kept laughing as she talked she could barely get out the words, "Her mom caught you making out with their precious daughter," Kyla kept laughing, "They sent her to a boarding school in the next week and" Kyla's laughing was harder now, "And they picked up and moved." Kyla was holding her stomach because she was laughing so obnoxiously loud.

"That's really not funny." I stood there shaking my head.

"It really is," She said laughing, "But I'm sure you will do fine with Ashley's parents." Kyla slowly tried to hide her laughing.

"Your right, I will." I thought about it for a second, "No, who am I kidding!" I stood up and threw my hands in the air, "I can't do this, I'm bad with parents, always have been! I can't do this." I sat on the floor, "I'm not going."

Kyla squatted down next to me, "Yes, you are. It means a lot to her. And plus, isn't her dad this famous rocker? Because I bet they aren't the normal parents, you know? So they are probably pretty cool. So go take your shower, suck it up, Ashley is going to be here soon. Now, scoot!" Kyla picked me up off the floor and shoved me into my bathroom.

"Fine," I pouted as I was shoved into the bathroom. I can do this. I can meet Ashley Davies parents. This is going to be a disaster.


	16. Mulligan Goes To War

I was biting on my nails as I was waiting for Ashley to come pick me up. I kept pacing around my room and looking at my outfit. I wanted and needed to make the perfect impression. I'm a tee shirt and jeans kinda girl but I decided to throw on a cute sundress instead. But I am starting to wonder if I am too dressed up for this lunch dinner family extravaganza that I am forced to attend.

Apart of me really wants to go because I want to be with Ashley. But the sane part of me is telling me not to go because I'll screw it up with her parents and they will hate me. All right time to put my pen to the paper and just write. My writing turned into doodling. Who am I kidding? I can't write when my nerves are tapping at my skin like a dog trying to get out of it's cage. 

I heard my phone vibrating on my floor. I bent down and picked it up, "Hey, I'm down here in the driveway."

"Decided not to come in?" I was slightly offended she didn't come in and pick me up. Gosh, now that we are together is she already going to stop trying. Wait, this is your crazy ass nerves talking, stop over analyzing already. Although, are we even official yet? Considering she wasn't even broken up with my brother this morning. I need to inquire about that.

"Well, normally I would love to. But since I broke up with your brother he was kind of pissed and I decided to give him space. So, I am here waiting for you outside. So are you coming, beautiful?" Well, I guess that answers my question. Hmm, but now I'm a tad bit curious about how Glen handled the break up, it doesn't sound like he has taken it well. Well, I better scurry down those stairs and get the hell out. 

"All right, I'll be down in a sec," I hung up the phone and tried to throw it in my back pocket. Damnit, this is why I hate not wearing jeans. I stared at the closet one more time and debated throwing on jeans. Well, I don't think Ashley has seen me in a dress, I'd bet this would make her hot for me. So all right, dress is staying on and I will deal with it. I grabbed my house keys and threw them in my purse and ran out the door.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't have ran into Glen on the way out. But as you of course know, this is far from a perfect world, isn't it?

"Where are you going?" Glen popped out of the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal. He didn't look like Ashley just broke his heart or anything. So that's a good thing. 

"Um out?" I held the door half way open so he couldn't see Ashley's car parked outside. 

"Well where?" Glen said as he chomped on his cereal and swirled his spoon around in his milk.

He has to know eventually. Might as well tell him now. "I'm going over Ashley's to meet her parents."

Glen stopped chewing his cereal, I think he was making sure he heard me correctly. He slowly began to chew his food again, "Oh, well I figured it was you Ashley was talking about when she broke up with me." Glen swallowed what he had left in his mouth. And he drank the milk from the bowl, set the bowl down, and wiped his mouth off. I was watching his every move, I was thinking he was going to strike at any time. 

"Well, I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable around here when you bring Ashley around. To tell you the truth, I knew she was always going to leave me. I knew she never could like a guy like me. She was too smart, too beautiful, funny, and she's pretty much the coolest girl I've ever met. So I know she is perfect for you and I just want you to know I'm happy for you two." Glen smiled as he has his hand on my shoulder. Wow, this is the most touching conversation I have ever had with my brother.

I felt tears swelling up in my eyes. I couldn't help it. I leaned in and gave my big brother a nice warm hug. As I felt my tears land on his shoulders, I spoke through my tears, "Glen, you don't know how much that meant to me."

"I love you little sis." Glen messed my hair up and pushed me out the door. Wow, he's taking this surprisingly good. Makes me kind of scared like he has some evil plan and he's just being nice now so I don't see it coming. I'll just be weary, just be very weary of his actions Spencer.

I had a nice smiling face as I wiped away my tears of joy from my face. I can't remember the last time I cried because I was happy. It feels like a first for me, since it hasn't happened in so damn long. I hopped into Ashley's car as she had a concerning look on her face. She wiped away my tears, "Oh my God, what's wrong, something wrong? It's Glen isn't it?"

I just held her hands from her wiping away my tears of joy, "It is Glen, but these are tears of joy. Glen was really good about this all, I just talked to him about it. Whatever, let's drive, I'll tell you what he said on the way to your house." I smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek. 

"All right. Oh, by the way you look really cute." Ashley smiled as she backed out of my driveway and headed to her house.

"You're nervous aren't you?" Ashley glanced over at me and picked up my hand. She intertwined her fingers with mine and rested our hands on my leg. 

I let out a nervous smile, "Of course I am. You don't get it, I'm horrible with parents. I'm bad with my own parents."

"I noticed that, but listen my parents will love you. You know why? Because I do. And whatever I like---well my parents just have to deal with." Did she just say love? Because I'm pretty sure she did and then covered it up. I'm so calling her out on that later. Well, why not now? It will ease my nerves to have some fun.

I smirked before I began speaking, "Did you just say you loved me?" I looked over at her. I think she thought I wouldn't bring anything up, but oh did she think wrong.

"Uh--um--uh, did I?" Ashley seemed nervous now. It was so cute.

"I think you did. I know I'm great in bed and all, but I didn't think I could make someone love me that quick." I let out a laugh, because she was making this so much fun. Her expressions on her face, made my day. I wish, you could see it.

"Well, you know what I mean. I like you a lot." Ashley smiled.

"So you don't love me?" I turned to face the window, acting like I was mildly offended.

She sighed heavily, "I'm not going to win, am I?" She tried to take her hand back but I forced a grip and I continued to hold it. I kissed her hand before I started to speak.

"I was just messing with you." Actually, I knew I loved Ashley. I don't blame her for feeling the same thing. Honestly, we've been friends for months on end now and now we've just moved on to the next level of friendship. And, I knew from the second I saw her I could love her and I know I do. 

Before Ashley could speak we were parked in her driveway. I decided, what better time to tell her how I felt now. "Ash, the truth is. I knew from the moment I first saw you that I could grow to love you. I know it sounds crazy---"

She cut me off, "It's not crazy. Because I know exactly what you mean."

"Ash, I know it's soon. We've been friends for a couple months and we are just starting this girlfriend thing. But why wait to tell you this, when I know it's what I feel?" Before I could get out what I wanted to say next, I felt Ashley's lips pressed to mine and I was kissing back. 

She released from our kiss and cupped my face with her hands, "I love you too." Ashley smiled. I think she was just afraid to say it because she wasn't sure if I would return it. I do not throw around the term love loosely because I've seen what love can do to people---I've seen what love does in my family.

I brushed her hair back out of her face and couldn't stop grinning, "I love you." I needed to say it aloud and I wanted her to hear it. I saw her eyes light up and her grin grow wider, which I didn't think was possible. Man all these emotions was getting me really horny. Sounds kind of crazy, but you know how I am. And I have to go through this dinner or lunch, whatever the hell it is, without getting sex. Ugh, but that's the least of my worries.

"Spence how about we skip this dinner and go have some fun?" Ashley smiled and threw her hands on the steering wheel.

"I'd love to, but how pissed would your parents be? And this is like one of the guaranteed times you get to see your dad. So as much as I want to say yes to blowing off dinner with your parents, I think it's best we go." I removed her hands from the steering wheel and took the keys out of the ignition.

"Damn you just convinced me to go to my own family dinner, how the hell did you do that?" Ashley shook her head as she hopped out of the car.

"Well, I'm good at a lot of things and convincing people just happens to be one of my many talents," I grinned over at her as I shut my car door.

"I can't wait to try out your other talents later," Ashley laughed as she hurried over next to me to causally squeeze my ass. Oh how I love this side of Ashley Davies. It's really hot. 

I grabbed a hold of her hand and then we reached her front door. She looked over at me with an apologetic look and I knew what it was before she had to speak. I let go of her hand and knew we had to walk in as just friends. So I took a few steps to the side and nodded at her. "It's okay." She looked slightly sad that she couldn't walk in hand in hand, but I completely understand.

She forced a smile and opened the door. "Ashley!!" She was greeted by a little boy probably four of five years old. Ashley kneeled down and hugged the little boy. 

Ashley stood up and the little boy started to tug on Ashley's jeans, "Ashley who's that pretty girl over there?" I smiled and let out a slight laugh. 

I kneeled down beside the boy, "Hi, I'm Spencer, I'm a friend of Ashley's. What's your name?" This kid was so cute and adorable, I could just eat him right up. 

He hid behind Ashley's leg and acted shy. "Aww, come on tell the nice lady your name," Ashley's mom popped out of the other room and helped out the cute little boy.

"My name is, Kingston. You're pretty," He said as he poked my nose. 

"You're not too bad yourself," I poked his nose back, "How old are you?"

He looked down at his fingers and tried to figure out how many to hold up. He closed one eye and looked like he was in deep thought. He held his one hand to his head and then held out four fingers, "Four!" He shouted and then ran into the other room.

"He's so adorable." I said to Ashley. "Is that your little brother? Because you never mentioned any other siblings." I looked over at Ashley awaiting her answer.

"It's actually kind of complicated and I don't wanna mention it in front of my parents. But to sum it up, he's my step brother from my dad's other marriage." Ashley let out a sigh and then motioned her eyes towards her parents standing before us.

"Who is this friend of yours?" Ashley's father came in with his arm around his wife's waist.

"Hi, I'm Spencer Carlin." I wasn't sure if a hand shake was in order or should I just stand there? But the debating in my head didn't matter because Ashley's dad came over and hugged me. I was a bit flabbergasted but then hugged him back.

"Welcome to the family." He smiled and then it was Ashley's mother's turn to hug me. "Yes, you must mean something special to Ashley if she has brought you to our New Year's Day Dinner. She usually likes keeping her father all to herself," Ashley's mom smiled and looked at us. 

"Ashley, why don't you show her around the house. Dinner will be in about ten minutes." Ashley grabbed my arm and took me out of the room. I was still calming down from my blushed face because I was still trying to accept that Ashley's mom said that I was something special. Looks like I'm giving a good impression so far.

"Hey come see my room." Ashley shouted. 

"I've already seen it." I said confused, "And why are you shouting?"

"So my mom knows where we are going, come on hurry up." Ashley's grip on my bicep tightened and she made me walk quicker to her room.

She closed the door behind us and before I knew it I was laying on my back on Ashley's bed and she was hiking up my dress as she was sucking on my neck. I really really liked this side of her. I had my hands up her shirt before I realized her parents could probably walk in any second. 

"Ash, Ash." I said slightly out of breath.

"Mmm?" She moaned out as she continued to suck on my neck then she moved to nibble on my ear. Oh God, I don't know if I can turn this down right now. Be strong, be strong.

"Can't your parents walk in on us?" Ashley stopped what she was doing. She looked at me in the eyes as she laid on top of me. 

"I locked the door. We have ten minutes." Ashley grinned as she looked in my eyes. I gave her an approving look to continue. Ashley laughed out, "That's what I thought."

Ashley ripped off my boy shorts and threw them across the room. I went to get up to see where they flew but she forced me back down. I'm not complaining. She began to kiss me as I kept returning every passionate kiss back. Ashley teased me by taking her hand and stroking around my belly button. I bit her bottom lip and then licked my own lips. I was hinting for her to keep on moving lower. We don't have much time and now that I'm all wet and ready, we better be able to finish this up.

Ashley grinned at me and inserted two fingers and slowly started to rub my clit. "Baby you're so wet," Ashley whispered into my ear. She went to kiss my neck but I grabbed her head and I wanted nothing more than to keep our lips in contact. Our tongues kept clashing with one another in the best way possible. 

I felt my release coming. "I'm so close," I whispered into between our kisses. Ashley smiled and continued faster. I felt my eyes starting to roll back into my head and I felt my moans coming out. "Oh my God, Ashley," I tried not to shout too loud. But I'm nothing but quiet in bed. "Shh, Spence." I must have been loud. Ashley kissed my lips as she tried to subdue my moans from this amazing orgasm she is giving me. She removed her fingers from inside of me and she laid on top of me. 

We had both hands intertwined as I was breathing deep and she kept looking at me in the eyes. "I love you Spence." Ashley said before she kissed me. 

I caught my breath and whispered those three words back to her. Not too long later we both heard knocking at Ashley's door and Ashley leapt off me quicker than you could imagine. "Girls," Ashley's mom whispered. 

"Yeah, mom?" Ashley said as I pulled my dress down and Ashley fixed her shirt and hair. 

"Girls, it's time for dinner. Come down stairs, we're waiting." She heard her walk down the steps and we both had a relieving sigh. 

"So where▓s my underwear?" I smirked as I looked around the room.

Ashley grinned and got up off the bed and looked around the room. "Beats me. I was kind of in the moment." Ashley laughed.

"Eh, whatever. I can do with out. Plus, it will give you easier access at the dinner table," I winked at her as I ran passed her trying to avoid her hand slapping my ass, but it was inevitable. I let out a giggle as we both scurried down the stairs.

"Glad you two can join us."

"Sorry mom, we got busy talking." Ha, if that's what they are calling it these days, I'd love to "talk" with Ashley right now.

"It's all right. So time to say our New Year's Resolutions before we dig in. You're new to the family Spencer so this is what we do. We go around and state our new year's resolutions and then we give each other new year's resolutions." Ashley's dad looked at me.

This is awkward. I have nothing prepared for this. I have no idea what to even say, I never make new year resolutions they are just something else not to follow through with. Damnit what the hell. God, what the hell do I say. I'm not going first.

"Since you are new you get to go first."

"But--"

"But, it's the rules. You're new to this, you get the honor of going first." Her dad looked at me and smirked. Gosh, they really like putting me on the spot, what the hell do I say?! Ashley looked at me trying not to laugh. I saw her holding in her laughter, oh she's going to get it later. 

"Ohkay, well. My new year's resolution is to be true to myself, travel somewhere magnificent with the person I love," I coyly looked over at Ashley so her parents wouldn't notice, "And loose three pounds?" I figured might as well throw something else in there, because I just made all that shit up and I probably sounded like an idiot.

Ashley reached under the and squeezed my hand. 

"Well, that's an interesting resolution. You know we don't actually do that, right? I was just joking." Everyone at the table starting laughing. Oh my God. I quickly punched Ashley in the shoulder.

"What?" Ashley said as she rubbed the spot I punched. 

"That was mean. You made me rant and rave about some new year's resolution I had to make up!" I hid behind my hand as I slowly sunk into my seat.

Ashley's father laughed out as he spoke, "Hey, it was my idea. See now you really are apart of the family. That's what we do best."

I scrunched my eye brows, "Playing practical jokes on each other?" I was confused.

"No, making an ass out of ourselves!" Ashley's dad was having a ball, embarrassing me and he kept on laughing. Hey you know, whatever I can take it. As long as they don't hate me, I can take being a part of this family.

The dinner continued with us all laughing at the table and surprisingly I felt more at home then I did when I was with my own parents. They made me feel welcomed, like I was actually apart of this family, I never wanted to go home after tonight. And I never thought I would say something like that, because you know how much I hate meeting a girlfriend's parents. That's right, Ashley Davies is my girlfriend. I don't think I will ever get tired gloating about that. It's a new year and everything is actually looking up for once in my life. Damnit, I just jinxed myself, didn't I? 


	17. Break Myself

**A/n: Just as a warning this chapter will get a little intense. Thanks for all your feedback guys, I look forward to reading what you guys write for me. So Much Love and enjoy. **

"Ashley where are you taking me?"

"I told you to stop asking that question like thirty minutes ago."

"But I want to know." I crossed my arms and pouted. She was really stubborn.

"Seriously, if you don't stop asking---I---I won't take you to your surprise. Do you always have to be in control?" Ashley said as I felt her brake at a stop sign or stop light. I didn't really know since I was blind folded.

"Fine. I'll just be silent." I turned my head towards the window, not like I could look out of it but I hated surprises simply because I had to wait to find out. I'm like itching to figure out what the surprise was and it feels as if we have been driving for hours on end. I couldn't take not knowing, plus I'm blind folded. We better be like going somewhere, where I'm totally getting laid at the end of this.

"Okay, we're here!!" I heard the excitement in Ashley's voice as I heard her turn off the engine. I went to pry off my blind fold but of course she caught me.

"Uh-uh! No peeking!" Ashley held the blind fold down and I removed my hands. Eh, what's a few more minutes. Ugh, it's starting to feel like an eternity. She opened my car door and helped me out. I'm wearing tennis shoes, but I think I'm walking in grass, I'm pretty sure. But who really knows. Just stop guessing Spencer it makes it harder to wait.

"Ready?" Ashley said as she started to untie the blind fold.

"I've been ready." I said impatiently as she held the blindfold there and then let go.

"Ta-da!" She waved her arms and showed me the sight as if she was Vannah White.

I was standing on top of this hill that overlooked all the city lights of Los Angeles. It was probably the most gorgeous site I've ever laid my eyes on. It was almost dusk so all the lights in the buildings were lit and the many cars that were flying by, you could see all their lights. And of course the wall to wall traffic they were stuck in, but this was beautiful. I was rendered speechless as I turned to my right.

"Ash..." I held my hand up to my mouth as I was surprised by the blanket she had laid out on the grass. Along with some of my favorite foods. Damn, this girl is a keeper.

"So, I take it you like my surprise?" Ashley flinched as if I was going to say no.

I ran over to Ashley and jumped into her arms. I kissed her on the lips, "I love it." Her face gleamed with happiness and she kept a smile on her face as she peered into my eyes.

"Okay, so I took you here because I wanted to share this place with you. My father is always traveling, he is always doing a different concert, different city every weekend. After his shows in L.A he wouldn't do his usual party thing with his band but it would take me out here and tell me how the crowd went wild for him. He'd bring me my all-time favorite food to eat with him, which was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I mainly think it was my favorite food to eat with him because that was the only thing he could make. And then he would perform one last encore just for me, as we watched the city life pass before our eyes." Ashley took a breath before she continued talking. I was holding back tears as she continued, "I've never shared this place with anyone else because it was so scared to my father's and my relationship. But I wanted to show you this, because you mean so much to me in my life. I love you so much Spencer Carlin."

Ashley scooted closer to me and hugged me from behind as I leaned back into her chest. I wiped away the few tears that, of course, managed to escape my eyes. What can I say, I'm a sucker. "I love you too." I smiled as I leaned my head back and Ashley kissed me. Her head sprung up, "Wait! We need music." Ashley hopped off the ground and ran to her car and flipped on the radio. She lowered the music, but it was the perfect volume.

This night was perfect. She came back and she held me in her arms. I closed my eyes and I never wanted to leave this moment, I could spend eternity sitting right here in the arms of Ashley Davies. I could die right now, and I'd die in utter and complete happiness.

"Ash--"

"Shh, I just wanna sit here and watch the lights pass us by." Ashley kissed my cheek as we intertwined our hands. She was right, we didn't need to talk at this moment. I smiled as I heard the song playing in the background.

It was Night Drive by Jimmy Eat World, I laughed a little because, boy, did this song go with our night so perfectly.

_Lay back baby and we'll do this right_

_There's blankets in back we can use_

_I'll start the car, but we'll stay in park_

_The cold can kill us, before fumes._

I heard Ashley giggle, she must have heard the song also. "Why Ashley Davies, it looks like we have found us a song."

"A song?" Ashley looked at me.

"You know how every couple has a song, well I deem this one as ours. It describes---well it will describe our night perfectly." I grinned at Ashley. She knew what I was hinting.

"Ah, so you think you're going to get lucky tonight?" Ashley scooted away from me.

"Hey...you better get back here." I dragged her and pinned her on the ground. I held her hands above her head as I straddled her. Ah, how much I loved being on top of her. I moved loose strands of curly hair out of her face as I dived in for a kiss. She turned her head and then I picked my head up confused. "What's wrong?"

Ashley grinned, "Ah, nothing. I just wanted to make you work tonight." I grinned back at her, ah she's going o make me work for this. Well, I know she can't resist too long. I whispered in her ear, "Ashley Davies, I'm going to love you 'til the last breath I take," I looked at her in brown eyes. I wish there was words I could use to express the look Ashley just gave me with her eyes, it was defiantly priceless.

_Kiss me with your cherry lipstick_

_Never was you off my face_

_Hit me I can take your cheap shots_

_Leave you with the love we made_

"Hey babe it's getting cold out here. My parents are at some function tonight, wanna move this to my bed?" I grinned at her, she better say yes or else I'm mad. Not really, I just think it'd be the perfect ending to this perfect day. I sound so cheesy right now, how lame am I?

Ashley grinned up and me and nodded her head. She started gathering the stuff on the floor and threw it all into her backseat. I helped her pick up the remaining stuff off the ground and helped her throw it into the back seat. In so such organization. It kept rattling around and flying back and forth in the back seat as Ashley drove us to my house. In retrospect we should have not just flung every thing in the back seat. But since we're both so eager to have sex, well we can always clean it up tomorrow.

Ashley and I held hands in silence on the trip home. No words really needed to be said. We hurried up my stairs and into my room. I had Ashley flat on her back in no time. "Okay it's time to thank you for my surprise Davies."

She giggled out as I threw her on the bed. I loved nights like these. I hopped off the bed and cranked up my stereo, I didn't want Glen or Kyla to hear Ashley's moans, because what I'm about to do, trust me she is going to be anything but quiet.

I slowly moved my hands up Ashley's shirt. She shrieked, and I immediately stopped moving my hands. I looked up at her and waited for an explanation.

"You hands are like freezing cold." Ashley smiled and removed my hands from under her shirt. She took my hands and held them with hers. "Come here." I inched my way up towards Ashley's face, I probably could live on kissing. It's so meaningful, passionate, and sensual every time our lips touch. I pressed my forehead against Ashley's as I caught my breath and the Jimmy Eat World lyrics ran through my head.

_You pierce my heart like a willing arm_

_Your ticking makes my blood move_

_There's no way out from this fade out_

_Be happy to get what you do_

I caught my breath and continued to kiss Ashley. Our lips smacked with one another as our tongues clashed together. Her tongue ring never got old playing with my tongue. I highly recommend getting a girlfriend with one. Ah-mazing.

"What the fuck is this?" My head sprung up, I didn't hear anyone come into my room. I had the music up loudly, fuck, I know that voice. I hopped off Ashley and wiped off my lips. Ashley was frozen on my bed. I had my head down on the floor in shame.

"I'm going to leave the room and in ten minutes when I'm back, Ashley better be gone." My father spoke, sternly. I'm going to die. I cannot take this beating, I know it's going to be long and hard, and very, very painful. My father slammed the door as he left. I stood up and turned off the music and sat back down on my bed.

Ashley or I still hadn't spoken a word. I think we were both still in shock. Well, I better get Ashley out of here. My dad might even beat her if she's not gone. Okay get your act together Spencer.

"Ash, you should go." I sighed out and kept my eye contact with the floor. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was about to get beat so bad that I probably won't know my name tomorrow.

"I-I'm sorry Spencer, I---are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Ashley got up and sat next to me as she picked up my hand to hold.

I let out a smile and leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "No, it's going to get intense around here. I think you should leave you don't need to see my father yell at me. So, I'll call you tomorrow, kay?" I gave her another kiss on the cheek, then gave her a long kiss on the lips. I kissed her because I loved her and because I'm seriously afraid for my life. My father hates me and he hates gay people more than anything. So, this should be...damnit I need to get out of this house.

"Spencer, you all right? You seem nervous," Ashley said as she tightened her grip on my hand.

"I'll be okay, but you need to go. I'll call you later, I promise." I shook my head at her and just kept assuring her that I would. I still don't think she believed me and I'm pretty sure she was really worried about me.

I walked her to her car and watch her reluctantly drive away. This had turned from the best night of my life to the worst.

I ran up to my bedroom and started to pack a duffel bag. I knew Ashley would have just thought I was over re-acting, but I knew I had to leave right now. I had to get up, pack, and go far away. She wouldn't understand and I didn't have the heart to tell her my father beats me. I knew she wouldn't have let me pack up right in front of her, so I figured I'd pack and then call her when I'm far away from this hell hole.

But I wasn't quick enough. My father came in throwing my half-packed duffel bag across the room, knocking the only trophy I had ever won onto the floor breaking in half. That bastard. I was proud of that only trophy I won for my placing first in this piano competition I was in when I was younger. But of course my parents yanked me out of piano lessons because it derived me from my school work. And I complied, but I will no longer take this. I am for once going to stand up for myself.

My father took his hand and back handed me across the face. Fuck, that one hurt. He forgot to take off his class ring this time. It broke the skin with that one smack. I think that probably was my breaking point. I touched my face and then looked at my hand covered with blood. It must have been deep, because I felt the blood pour down my face. I could barely feel the pain, though.

"Fuck you father." I spoke. I couldn't believe my ears. During times like this I acted like a submissive school girl. I never spoke up for myself. I was ready. I can do this. Fight back. You can do this Spencer, no matter how much this hurts, no matter how small this man makes you feel. Fight back Spencer Carlin, it's in your blood.

"Did you just say something to me, daughter? You're going to regret that." This time he punched me clear across the face. My sight went black for a few seconds then I saw the monster before my eyes again. I took my alarm clock from my night stand and whacked my father across the face. It brought a smile to my face.

"I hate you. I've hated you for the longest time. I wished for the longest time, you'd stop doing this to me. I had hope in you that you would. Because I wanted to love you again, like any daughter could love their father, but I realize now I was naive to think I'd get my real father back." I've needed to say that to him for the longest time. I wish that he'd listen to that speech and it would have changed him. I still had the tiniest hope, but all that hope and faith in my father dwindled when he punched me in the gut one more time.

"Don't ever speak to me like that." I smelt the booze oozing from his breath. He was a drunken stupor. He smacked me again. "I'm going to show you what your missing from being gay." What? The hell.

My father took off his belt and started to unzip his jeans. Oh my God. This is not happening. He smacked me with his belt and I was feeling so weak, I could barely stand up straight. I ran for the door, but he threw me to the ground and started kicking. I started to cough up blood, I knew this wasn't good. He took this beating too far, I did not feel well.

"Glen!!" I screamed with all my might and at the top of my lungs. I finally had the courage to call for help. He had to of been sleeping it was late. I yelled again, "Glen you mother fucker help!" He better of got that message because this next hit from my father is going to be a dozy since I screamed for fucking help.

Glen tried the door handle, my father must have locked it. "Spencer don't worry, I'm coming!!" He pounded at the door, forced it open with all his might. The door still had yet to spring wide open for my rescue. My father was still have a field day with his fists to my abdomen. His pants were around his ankles, and I knew what he was about do to next. I kicked and fought I was not letting him near me.

I saw the door spring open, if I could be happy during this moment I would be. But I felt relief. My father turned around towards Glen and all I heard was a very loud popping noise. I knew that sound. I saw the aftermath of what Glen just did. I looked at my father's lifeless body laying on the floor. I looked at Glen, he was my hero. I looked back down at my father. I saw his fingers twitch. That mother fucker was still moving.

Glen shot our father, unfortunately that wasn't enough to kill the bastard.


	18. Me and the Moon

My father's fingers were still moving, I think that he was about to say something. I kneeled down next him as he whispered, "You better pray this bullet kills me." God, do I hate my father. He has a bullet impaled into his body and he is still threatening me.

"What did he just say to you?" Glen stood there, staring at me.

"Nothing, it came out all mumbled. Nothing, I couldn't understand him," I had to lie. I didn't want Glen shooting him again and making matters worse for us. Because who knows how this is all going to go down. But first thing first, I need to call help before I let him bleed out on my floor. It's ironic how his life now lies in my hands, when it was always the other way around. Is this the power he felt over me? Because damnit let me tell you how good this feels.

"Call the cops, an ambulance, anything!" I didn't know what to do or say. I was really woozy and I could barely stand up without leaning on something.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, what did I do?" Glen said as he paced around the room. He still had the gun in his hand. He was waving it around the place as he mindlessly rambled on about what he just did. But he saved my life. I should tell him that.

"Glen, you saved my life." I went over to him and hugged him. My mother of course was standing in the doorway. Tears were flowing down her face and she stood there. She had a phone in her hand, I assume that she already called 911.

"Wh--wh--happened?" Were the only words my mother spoke as she ran down to her husbands open wound.

"He finally got what was coming to him mom! Maybe if you stopped him from doing this years ago, this wouldn't be happening!" I shouted at her. I blamed her for this situation before us, because it really is her fault.

"Mom? You knew! You fucking knew all this time?!" Glen couldn't believe his eyes. I forgot he didn't know that mother was in on this all along. This was a shocker to him.

"Glen, put down the gun," I shouted. I didn't want him regretting anything else. I didn't want him shooting our mother. She did deserve it, but then again she didn't. Whatever.

I looked at my doorway I thought it was the paramedics but it was Ashley standing there with a hand over her mouth.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I ran, as fast I as I could manage, to her. I hugged her but her eyes were still fixated on the scene in my room.

"I never really left. I parked out on street and waited. Something didn't seem right, I was worried. But then I heard noises coming from your house and what sounded like a gun being fired--- Spence? You're bleeding, what happened? Baby, are you okay?" Ashley inspected all of my wounds and kept looking at me up and down. She held my arms as I saw tears flowing down her face.

"All of this because of me? I'm so sorry," Ashley said as she kept looking at how beat up I was.

"No, it's not your fault. Don't let him do that to you. He's my fucking father's abusive ass's fault. He's been---this has been going on for a long time." I cringed at the end of that sentence. I knew I had to tell her, but I still feared her reaction.

"What? All along?" Ashley looked into my eyes, she kept searching for something. Then I saw it, what I feared most. The sympathetic look that fell upon her face, just like everybody else's. She's going to look at my differently from now on, this is why I hated when people knew. Damnit.

"Ash, I can't explain it all now. I have to deal with this. Ash, you have to get out of here. Go, I don't want you to be apart of this. Just drive home. I'll call you when I'm at the hospital." I held her face and pressed my forehead against hers.

"Okay. I love you." She whispered as she firmly pressed up against my forehead and held my head. I kissed her on the cheek and watched her run out of my house. Thank God she listened. Because I couldn't live with myself if I dragged her down with me.

As soon as she left I collapsed in my doorway. I had mustered all the strength I had and I finally had no more left inside of me. I rested my head on my door frame and I was suddenly feeling all the pain. Not just the open wound on my face, the numerous punches to my gut, but I was feeling emotionally drained. Glen quickly ran to my side once he saw me sitting there, "Sis, you okay? Damnit when are the paramedics going to get here. Mom!! Fucking help her!"

My mom wiped her tears away and quickly left our father's side and to mine. This is probably the first time she has ever lifted a finger to help me. Why bother? I pushed her hand away from my face. "Don't bother mom. You never cared." I coughed out more blood. This really wasn't looking good for me.

"Stop it, Spencer. Let me at least look at it." I was too weak to swat away her hands again. She checked out my face and lifted up my shirt. She gasped once she saw under my shirt, must have not been pretty. "We have to get you to the hospital." My mother insisted.

The last thing I remember was Glen carrying me down to his car, until I woke up here at the hospital. I fluttered my eyes open and barely knew where I was. I felt someone holding my hand, I think I'd know that touch no matter how out of it I was. "Ashley?" I groggily said.

"Spencer? I was so worried." She stood up so I could see her and I couldn't help but smile.

"Come here," I said as I held her face. I just needed to touch her, know that I'm safe. I leaned my head on the pillow I tried to lean up but it hurt, badly. Man, I didn't think I was that badly hurt.

"How long have I been out?" I looked out the window as if I could tell how long I was out. It was day light out, so it had to have been at least a day.

"It's been like a day and half, not long at all. You're a trooper, you're my perfect trooper." Ashley smiled at me and ran her fingers through my hair.

"So what's my damage?" I looked at her eyes. There's that damn sympathetic look again.

"Well, you have two broken ribs. And one of the ribs punctured your lung, so if you remember coughing up blood before you passed out, that's the reason why. Spencer, you sure are a fighter. I'm so--"

"Don't say it. I'm alive, I'm well, I'm here. I'm thankful and so grateful you came to be with me. You don't know how much it means to me." I smiled at her and I squeezed tighter on her hand.

"Ashley, I have a question."

"Ask me anything." Ashley searched deep into my eyes for the question. She probably say pure hatred forming in my eyes. Because that's what I felt deep beneath my skin. I felt my skin starting to itch thinking about that father of mine, but I had to ask the question. I had to know if he fucking survived.

"Did my dad survive?" I waited. I had to know answer.

Ashley sighed before she spoke. That sigh told me the answer. "He did, but he's in this like massive coma, if that makes you feel better?" Ashley shrugged, she really did try.

"Damnit!" I screamed, I couldn't hold it in. I saw Glen come running into the room, "What, what's wrong?!"

"He's still alive!" I felt my tears clouding my eyes. No, don't let him get the best of you. No. I felt my eyes glossing over, who am I kidding? I needed to let this cry out. This is the last time I felt sorry for myself. Let it all out. I let the tears pour down my face as Ashley held me tightly and tried to calm me down.

"Don't sorry Spencer, I'm going to take care of this." Glen said angrily, "I'm going to finish what I started okay? You're going to be safe. I'm going to be your big brother once and for all." Glen pounded his fist into his hand.

I sniffled the best I could and then wiped the continuous flowing tears. I spoke through my tears, "What are you talking about? Do not do anything---anything---stupid." Ashley held on to me as I tried yelling at Glen, but he must have already made up his mind. He was halfway out of my hospital room.

"Glen!" Damnit, it hurts to yell. Ugh, Glen. Don't make me hurt you. I whipped off my blanket and was ready to get out of my stupid restraining hospital bed.

"Oh no, you don't. Spencer, you have a broken rib, your lung was punctured. You can't go walking around!" Ashley pushed me back down. She probably was right. I should save my energy so I can kick his ass in a couple of days.

"Fine, fine." I pouted. I heard a knock on my hospital door. I looked up and I couldn't help but smile, but then I looked at Ashley and I soon frowned for her sake. It was Carmen awaiting at my door with flowers.

She still awaited my approval, "Hey come in." I tried not to smile too much, but I was surprised she came.

"Hey Spencer, sorry for just barging in like this unannounced. But I heard that you were in trouble and you were in the hospital and I just wanted to make sure you're okay." Carmen smiled as she set the flowers down on the table.

"Thanks, for coming. I'll be okay." I really didn't know what to say because I was so surprise she still cared about me. But I can feel Ashley standing there uncomfortably.

"Hey, Ash you remember Carmen, right?" I smiled and just tried to make the best of this awkward situation.

"Of course, I do." Ashley gritted through her teeth.

"Yeah, Glen's girlfriend. Spence, can I talk to you?" Carmen smiled lightly. She seemed nervous.

Ashley crossed her arms and looked over at me. Oh right, I never saw Carmen after we broke up so she doesn't know that me and Ash are together. Well this should be awkward.

"Actually, Carmen---Ashley and I are together now. She's my girlfriend." I felt kind of bad telling her, and I don't know why. Probably because the look in her eyes was so sad. I really felt bad I had a girlfriend, not that Ashley was my girlfriend, just that I had to tell her I was taken.

"Oh, well I guess I'll go then." Carmen bowed her head as she started to head out the door.

I so badly wanted to stop her and ask her how she has been. I mean she was apart of my life for quite sometime, I still care what happens to her. Damnit, sorry Ashley, you're going to be mad.

"No, stay, what did you want to ask?"

"It's kind of personal, do you mind?" She looked over at Ashley expecting her to leave.

I let out a large sigh, "Ash, could you give us a sec? Please?" I gave Ashley my pleading eyes, I didn't want her to be mad. We had trust, she had nothing to be worried about.

"Sure, if that's what you want." Ashley planted a nice very long kiss on my lips. She was basically claiming her property on me. Carmen turned her head because I opened my eyes during the kiss to see how uncomfortable she felt. Ashley finally let go of my lips and started to walk away. "Just call me, I'll be right outside the room." Ashley can claim me any day with those kisses.

"So what's up Carmen?" I took my eyes off Ashley and looked Carmen in the eyes.

"I miss you babe." Carmen blurted out and smiled. She walked closer to me but I needed to stop her there.

"Stop, my girlfriend is waiting outside. Is that all you came here for? I mean I appreciate you still caring about me, thank you for coming to make sure I was okay, thank you for the lovely flowers. But I don't want to start any drama, okay? You remember why we broke up, and I know you're still in that gang, so my opinion on that still hasn't changed." Man I thought I would have it easy since I'm laying in a hospital bed. But the drama always finds me somehow. But I should have known that my life is far from simple.

"I understand. But I'm glad you are okay. I was about to kick some serious ass if you weren't. I still care a lot about you. I still love you and I'd do anything for you." I believed she would, but I never loved Carmen like I loved Ashley. And I'd never want to loose Ashley. She's the best part of my life.

"I'm going to go. I'll be around, if you ever need me." She walked closer and I didn't stop her this time. She kissed me on the forehead as she touched my black eye on my face. I flinched a little, but then she spoke, "Damnit I could kill the man responsible. And I thought I had a bad family." She sighed and walked out the door. Soon Ashley came walking back in.

"How'd that go?" Ashley smiled. "Oh, did you like need water or something? I can go get--"

"Nope, you are all I need. Come here, lay next to me." I scooted over as much as it hurt, I needed Ashley to hold me, keep my safe. After all my father was probably just a few rooms down. Ashley hopped up on the bed with me and squeezed her body next to mine. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. She rested her head in the crook of my shoulder and we sat there in silence. I thought my life was going to be over with all this chaos. But as I sat in silence wrapped in Ashley's arms, I realized this is my new life. All these wounds are going to heal, I'm going to leave my father in another life, because from here on out, I'm starting a new one with the love of my life.


	19. Sell The Frame

I hid my smile behind by free hand, and with my other hand I clutched onto Ashley's hand. It was a few weeks after I was released from the hospital, I was mostly healed. I still had healing scars on my face and my ribs were still healing, but I could walk just fine. But any unwanted pressure and it hurt like a mother fucker. 

I think my smile kept growing, I kept hiding behind my hand. I lowered my sunglasses to cover my eyes, so no one could see the happiest of expressions on my face. This was probably one of the best moments in my life. I was standing at my father's funeral and he was being lowered into the ground as we speak. His lifeless body can no longer hurt anyone. He was finally gone. I wished this, I imagined this, but I never knew it was going to feel this good and relieving.

The priest my mother, of course, got to come to the funeral spoke after he finished his prayer. "Does anyone wish to say any final words to the deceased?" Yeah thank God he is dead and out of my life for good.

"Yes, I'd like to say a few last words," My mother of course had to say something through her tears. This should be, well interesting.

My mother cleared her throat and wiped away her flowing tears. Oh and by the way my brother didn't bother to show up to the funeral. Kyla was somewhere around here, but she could barely look at me. I think she still had hope that our father wasn't pure evil until she saw me lying in my hospital bed. She can barely find the words to speak to me. It hurts, but I decided to give her space.

"I'd like to first start off by saying, thank you all of you for coming out here today and paying your last respects to Arthur Carlin. He was a great husband, fantastic father," Okay she can fucking stop there. I refuse to let all these people be fooled.

"Ha, would a fantastic father do this?" I pointed to the healing scar on my face as the entire crowd gasped and looked at me.

"Spencer! Let your father have this one day!" My mother shrieked at me. Ah, fuck this. I was being nice, coming to my father's funeral. I came for the father that I lost a decade ago. Not for the father that I lost today, he was no longer my father. I was here in remembrance of the father that he was to me when I was child. But if my mother is going to taint and distort the monster he had became, I simply will not stand for this.

"He's had his days. Screw this, I'll see you at home mother! Glad your gone abusive dick." Okay so the last sentence was probably over kill and I didn't need to say that aloud to the crowd, because I turned a lot of heads on that one. Ashley just followed with my show and continued behind me. I couldn't help it, I'm not going to hide behind my secrets any longer. He abused me, he was abusive ass, and now he is gone. Brings another smile to my face.

"You okay Spencer?" Ashley said as she rubbed my back and then opened the car door for me.

"I couldn't be better. I no longer have to fear my life, living in the same house as him. You don't know how good that feels." I smiled over at Ashley as I watched her drive away from this circus.

I felt my phone vibrating in my purse, "Hey what's up Glen?"

"I need to talk to you...alone. So meet me at home in twenty." Glen hung up the phone and didn't even let me respond or ask him what was up. Weird.

"What was that about?" Ashley looked over at me then she kept her eyes on the road waiting for my response.

"He said he needed to talk to me at home, alone. Sorry, mind if you just drop me off then come over later?"

"Oh of course I don't mind. You guys should have alone time." Ashley smiled and reached over and held my hand. She was so understanding, I love that about her. I'm starting to get nervous as my house becomes closer. I had no idea what Glen was about to tell me, was he going to move out? Leave the family? I can't be without him, he saved my life, he's my brother, and I couldn't imagine him leaving us. Gosh, stop thinking, it just makes it all worse. You're working yourself up for nothing, it's probably nothing. No, it is going to be nothing.

"You're silent, what's on your mind?" Ashley made conversation because she could tell I was thinking too hard.

"Glen. He's got me worried about what he wants to talk about." I gave a huge sigh after I spoke. I kind of had a feeling what he was going to tell me, but I just kind of ignored my intuitions.

"I'm sure it's nothing, but hey I'll call you later, kay?" Ashley said as she parked the car. I went to get out before even saying bye and she grabbed my arm. She looked slightly offended but my mind was elsewhere.

"Sorry," I smiled out and leaned over and kissed her on the lips. I was out of sorts. "Sorry, I'll call you later." I gave her another kiss before I hopped out of the car and watched her pull away.

I ran into the house and looked around for Glen. Well this is fun searching for my own brother in my house. I then looked in the last place I could think of, his room. Which now that I think about it, should have been my first place to check.

"Glen, you're worrying me, what's up?" He was throwing a tennis ball at the ceiling and continuously catching it.

He caught it one last time and looked at me, "We need to talk about dad." He sat up and gave me one of those extremely serious looks.

"What about him? He's fucking out of our lives." I sat next to him on his bed. I looked at all the posters of half-naked chicks on his wall. Such a typical guy. How did Ashley even go out with him that long? Anyways, pay attention to what your brother is talking about.

"You know, I'm responsible for dad's death. I--"

"No, you're not. You shot him, but to save me, not to kill him." I tried comforting him, it seems like he was already regretting what he did.

"Let me get this all out. I did worse that just shoot him. You know how they said he choked on his tube that gave him oxygen because it slipped?"

"Uh yeah, what about it? It was an accident, Glen. It was an accident, wasn't it?" Oh my God, don't tell me he did this. I made myself think it was an accident. I had a feeling there was foul play a foot, but I just shrugged it off my shoulders and pretended to be naive.

"Spencer, listen carefully and don't get mad. I saw an opportunity and I took it. When I saw Carmen in the hospital that day, she came up to me with an offer."

What, I think I just choked on my oxygen. I think I just heard him wrong. "Carmen, what?"

"Yeah, Carmen came up to me with an offer I couldn't refuse. She said she could help protect you and such, and I told her the only way you will be protected if that asshole of a father was dead. I saw the look in her eyes Spencer, it's like she was practically asking me for permission to kill our father. So we devised this plan and next thing I know she went through with it. And I don't regret it one bit, because your safe now Spencer. You are safe from our father, and you can finally live without him."

Let me sit here and fucking soak this shit in. What? I don't know what to say. Okay, think it through. You are glad that fucking ass hole of a father is dead, so who really cares if Carmen helped a little. You were praying he would have died after Glen shot him, so what does it matter? Right? Right. I thank God that my father is dead, because I no longer have to be afraid to walk through my front doors fearing if I will be able to walk the next day.

"Spencer? Did you hear a word I just said?" Glen kneeled down in front of me and shook my shoulders a bit. I was spacing out and thinking about all this shit he just through at me.

"Yeah, what do you want me to say?" Like I'm happy that our dad is dead. But seriously, I don't know what to tell him.

"That you're okay with it? I need you to be." Glen gritted his teeth and looked at me nervously.

I thought about it for a second and let out a relieved sigh, "Glen, I'm completely better than fine with it. As long as our dad is out of our life, I don't care how you did it, okay?" I don't know why he needed my approval for killing our father, but I gave it to him. He must have felt bad or had regrets about it. Maybe he felt he stooped down to my father's level.

Glen sighed, which sounded extremely relieved. "Good, if you weren't okay with it---I dunno if I would have been okay with it."

Okay, I don't know how to soak all this in. But I don't care how my dad is gone, he just fucking is. The man responsible for years of my life that I hated, was gone, dead, never to get under my skin again. He seriously doesn't even deserve this train of thought right now. He's still in my thoughts, getting the best of them, ugh ass hole.

I need to talk to Carmen, what the hell was she thinking doing this? She had no right, she shouldn't have. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, damn I forgot to call Ashley back.

"Hey, so what did you brother wanna talk to you about?" Ugh, I can't tell her the truth. The only people that needs to know about this is, me, Glen, and the person responsible---Carmen.

"Oh nothing, he was just regretting our father's death," I guess that wasn't a big lie, just an absence of truth.

"Well, I'm glad he did what he did, because if he wasn't there. You--"

"Probably would have been way worse, or possibly even dead. But we will never know, so I try not to think about it." I hate when someone says I was almost raped by my father. I can't even fathom the thought, I heard it enough from the doctors in the hospital, I had to tell it to the cops that took my statement and I was tired of them after the kept asking me over and over, so your father tried to rape you? I just ughh, can't fathom the thought if Glen wasn't there to save me.

"Hey, so need any company? I miss you," Gosh, I really wanted to have her come over so I can get my mind off shit by having sex with her. But I really had too much on my mind right now.

"Actually, I'm kind of beat, tomorrow?"

I heard her sigh, "Yeah, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow." I knew that sigh. She sounded disappointed, like I'm slowly pushing her away. But I wasn't trying to. I just need to clear my head of all this madness.

"Just remember I love you Ash. I'll call you tomorrow." I hung up the phone and tossed it aside.

Glen came barging into my room---well our guest room since well you know my room isn't exactly in shape--- just when I thought I had a moment of peace.

"Spencer! I just got off the phone with mom and she said dad left his entire inheritance to you. And he left a letter, just for you."

"What? Well, is she bringing it home? Like now? Because if I don't read it now, I don't think I'll ever bring myself to."

"She's in the driveway. I'll go get it for you, she said she can't look at you right now." Isn't that a great mother I have? One who can't bare to look at her own fucking child? I fucking love her. Why can't she look at me? She better feel guilty about letting her husband beat me all these years. Or feeling something equally as painful as guilt.

Glen handed me this perfectly sealed white business sized envelope with the words, "_For My Spencer,"_ written neatly in black ball point pen on the front. I closed the door leaving just me and the envelope in the room together. I set it on the bed, I don't think I am ready to open this yet. I just sat adjacent to the letter staring at my name written ever so neatly on the envelope. I can't believe my father was still getting apart of me after this death.

A good thirty minutes later, I finally found the courage inside of me to lift up the envelope. It felt as if it weighed a ton, like it didn't want to be opened. I nervously and slowly ripped off the sealed back and stared at the opened envelope. I can just burn the letter, and never have to read what he has to say to me. But would that eat at me more? Would it tear at my brain thinking over and over again ---would I regret me never reading his final words to me? I can't believe he still has power over me. It's never going to end.

_Dear Spencer---If you are reading this letter I am dead. I am writing you this letter because I feel as if I have things to tell you that can only be expressed after my death. I can guarantee my death was at your hand or you had a part in it. I'm glad my beautiful little girl finally found the courage in her to stand up for herself. I'm proud of you. I don't think I have ever told you that, but Spencer I'm proud of you for finally standing up for yourself. You probably wondered why all these years you found yourself always feeling the cold hard touch of my back hand. The answer is, because you are exactly like me. I will forever be embedded in your thoughts, haunting your every step, the physical me is dead, but the spirit lives on in you. You should have went with your gut feeling and not opened this letter and just discarded it. But since you didn't---you will be forever haunted by my words. You are exactly like me. We have the power. We are strong. It just took you longer to find your inner strength than I thought. You will hurt the ones you love. You will disappoint them. The answer, solution, and problem, will always be you. **Love**, Your Father._

I crumpled up the letter and tossed it aside. I looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't form words to speak, emotions to feel, or thoughts to think. I just sat there and watched the tears flow down my gleaming face. With every single tear I felt pour out the less I felt. I didn't know what to say or do. My father has gotten the best of me. This is what he had always wanted. Me killing him was his endgame. He had wanted this all along, I see that now. I did exactly what he wanted, I catered to his plans and not mine, yet again.

But he is right, the words that are gnawing at my brain like an infectious virus was, I was exactly like him. I am and forever will be, the monster, won't I?


	20. Ruthless

**A/n: Thanks for all the feedback and such. Enjoy the update, much love. :-)**

My lips were attacking hers as I pushed her up against the wall. I heard a giggle escape her lips that were continuously being pressed up against mine. She went to grab a hold of my waist but I removed her hands and pinned them to the sides of her body. I wanted to be in control, I needed to be in control. I needed to catch my breath and I rested my head in the crook of her neck. I exhaled deeply as I let go of her hands and she held me in her arms. I closed my eyes, and I felt extremely safe. I knew I was always safe in her arms. I felt a tear escaping my eye and I quickly whisked it away.

I turned my head and kissed her neck and made my way back to her lips, "Sorry, I have to go. But I don't think I can thank you enough for doing what you have done for me. You don't understand, how much you have helped me." I smiled as I looked up at her brown eyes. I was slowly letting go of her body, I knew I had to get my stuff and leave.

"I love you, Spencer." She smiled out as she ran her fingers through my hair. She held my waist as I started to push off of her. I can't stay, I have to go. But my only concrete thought was, she saved my life, she helped me rid the man I hated my entire life.

I couldn't bare to say it back. I was scared to, "uh-uh," was my response back to her saying I love you, "I really have to go. I'll call you later, kay?" I smiled as I finally got out of her strong hands.

"Say it, for me, please? Tell me you love me." She pleaded with her eyes, I knew I had to. After all, I felt she deserved to hear those words from me.

"I love you, Carmen." I felt part of my heart sink as I said that to her. I knew I have betrayed Ashley in every way. I came over to talk to Carmen about what she had done, but the only thing that went through my mind was that she had saved my life. I needed to thank her for that. All my emotions went haywire and I started to kiss Carmen, I think the worst part of it all was, it felt good. Felt good, being in the arms of the person who helped rid me of the man who constantly beat me. Get rid of all the evil he was to me.

The letter my father wrote kept running through my head. His words kept attacking my brain and repeating like a broken record. I am going to hurt everyone I loved, he was right. I had just hurt Ashley by doing this with Carmen. I can't hurt Ashley, I can't do it. He was right, the longer I am in the relationship with Ashley, the more I'm going to hurt her. I couldn't bare to look at myself in a mirror if I hurt Ashley like the way my father has hurt me.

But I can do that to Carmen. She knows the evil that lies within me, she knows what she has signed up for. Ashley does not. If I end up hurting Carmen, I can live with myself. But not if I hurt Ashley. And look what I did. I am hurting Ashley already. I'm starting to disgust myself. I hopped in the car and drove myself back home, to bask in my guilt.

I don't know what to do. It was just a mistake, right? I'm so stupid. I knew exactly what I was doing when I was kissing Carmen. It was just a way to subconsciously push Ashley away, so she doesn't get hurt. But I think, I was really hurting her. She doesn't know, so what she doesn't know, can't hurt her. Right? Right. Okay, I need advice. Sisterly advice.

I stomped up my stairs and barged into Kyla's room. "Kyla, we need to talk."

Kyla threw whatever she was reading onto the floor and gave me a very concerned smile, "Of course. What's up?" Kyla's eyes watched me pace around the room, mumbling to myself. But she didn't know I was mumbling the words my father wrote me. They were eating at me like a disease and I was slowly dying because of them.

"Spencer!" Kyla got up from the bed and took me by the arms and gave me a shake.

"Thanks, I needed that," I sighed and then walked over to Kyla's bed with her as I let my head fall into her lap. I started to sob into her lap.

"What were you mumbling, Spencer? I'm starting to worry about you. Ever since you got that letter from dad, to which you won't let any of us read, you've been acting extremely detached from everyone. Ashley's worried, I'm worried. I want a completely honest answer, what is eating at you?"

"It's been a week since I got that letter, Ky, and it's all I can fucking think about. It's starting to come true. I can't handle this!" I cried into her lap as I mustered enough strength to get up. "Hold on." I walked out of the room, wiping away my continuous tears. I ruffled through my clothes and found the letter I hadn't brought myself to throw away yet. I hadn't threw it away because if I threw it away, I didn't have proof. If I threw it away, my father would have won. I'm starting to think he did.

I walked back into Kyla's room and used my sleeve to wipe my tears that kept falling down from my face. "Here." I handed her the letter as I sat on her bed watching her read it. She was the first person I let read the letter. I couldn't even let Ashley read those horrible words, he had written to me.

Kyla finished reading the letter than looked at me. She couldn't form words to speak. It looks like she didn't have anything to say to me either, it fucking must be true. I never thought it was possible to hate my father this much, but if there was a stronger word than hate, I'd use it. Because that's how I feel towards him and I'm starting to feel it towards myself.

I pressed my eye lids closed. I forced the tears back, but once I opened them and looked at Kyla they poured down like rainfall. "It's true, isn't it? That's why you can't say anything. I fucking knew it!" I ripped the letter out of her hands and stomped my way down to my new bedroom. My old room is all fixed and new since the incident, but I haven't been able to bring myself to sleep in it yet. So I have deemed this guest bedroom as my new one.

I slammed the door shut and locked Kyla out. I didn't care what she had to say to me, I didn't care. Whatever anyone had to tell me, wouldn't matter. Because these words are already in my head, I just want them out. I'd give anything to think this. To not think that I am like my father. I'm starting to hurt everyone around me. I think the only thing to do is, leave. It's probably the best for everyone. As much as it hurts to say this, it's probably best for Ashley.

"Spencer!!" Kyla pounded at my door and tried the door handle numerous times.

"GO AWAY!" I shouted as I curled up on my bed.

"I'm going to break down this damn door! Let me in." Kyla pounded some more. I heard her sigh and scoff, since I wasn't getting up to let her in. "Fine, I'll just shout through the door. Spencer, you're nothing like our father. He was vindictive, manipulative, and an abusive asshole. Does that sound anything like you?" Kyla paused then continued, "No, it doesn't. Spencer, you have got to let that letter go. He's just trying to haunt you, trying to get into your head, play with your thoughts. Do you want him to win?" I heard Kyla sigh as she tried the door handle one last time, "Just know, that we all love you and are worried about you. You are nothing like him, nor will you ever be." I heard Kyla walk away to leave me to my thoughts.

I sat curled on my bed as I held my stuffed animal. At least I can't hurt this animal. I continuously tried to cried myself to sleep. I didn't know what else to do, besides sleep. But my mind was racing, and I just couldn't seem to rest. I need someone to make me safe. I picked up my phone and dialed her number. I let out a brief smile when she told me, "Of course if you need me, I'll be there right away." I hung up the phone and waited for her company.

I heard a knock on my door and reluctantly got up to answer it, "Well that was quick." I let out, but much to my surprise it wasn't the girl I called.

"What was?" Carmen entered my room. Damnit, Ashley is going to be here any second, she has got to go.

"Carmen, I can't have you here right now. Ashley is coming over any second." I sighed out as I stood in my doorway.

"Spencer, don't you see, you're supposed to be with me. How else would you explain our lip locking earlier?" Carmen smiled as she moved closer to grab my waist.

"Stop," I pushed her hands away, "I can't do this here and now. You need to go." I spoke firmly. I understood why Carmen was here, I really did, but I can't have her. She's going to screw up my night with Ashley if she sees her.

"Fine, but baby, I only can keep you safe. Save you from your monsters." I looked down at the floor, she was probably right. I refused to make eye contact with her after she said that.

I let out a very frustrated sigh, "Just go, now. I'll call you tomorrow."

She smiled, with my promise of a new day. She leaned in to kiss me, but I moved my head and she only got my cheek. She looked hurt and then she stomped out of my house. I left my door open and crashed back onto my bed. What have I gotten myself into? Ashley soon came tumbling into my room before I had enough time to process what just happened.

"Hey, beautiful. I was beginning to worry, you'd never call." Ashley smiled out as she set her jacket and purse on the floor of the room. I told her the other day I needed space and time to think about everything. I told her I'd call her when I was ready to see her again. That was three days ago. And here we are.

I couldn't help but smile, seeing the girl I loved with all my heard before my eyes. I tried to push her away, but she still came eagerly back to me with a simply call. She's not going to give up on my easy, I wish she would. It would make everything so easy. I can't hurt her. Damnit, for those few seconds it was just Ashley and me, then my father's words entered my head again. Fuck him. Ashley distracts me long enough to see the beauty of her and our relationship, but then my head gets filled with the words I see are coming truer by the day.

"I love you Ashley," I held open my arms and she came running to them. I couldn't help but embrace this long awaited hug, I missed the warmth of her body, the calming of her touch, and most of all I missed her. Ashley held her head in the crook of my neck and I have missed the scent of her hair. Ah, God does she smell so good.

She must have spotted the letter on my bed as I just stood there and held her, "Spencer, can I read it?" She spoke softly.

I released from the hug and without saying any words, reached down for the letter and handed it to her. I saw tears forming in Ashley's eyes as she continued to read it. She placed one hand over her mouth, in utter shock. She couldn't believe the words she was reading. Hey, neither could I. But in time, she will probably see that it's true. Once she finished reading the letter, she looked at me, searching for something in my eyes. She leaned in and kissed me on the forehead, and then ripped the letter in half.

"Uh," Was the only noise that came out of my mouth as I reached for the ripped apart letter.

"Just listen to what I have to say, okay?"

I looked up at her from my bed and nodded my head. I was all ears.

"Spencer, I ripped that letter in half because those words have been eating at you. I understand now, why you have been trying to push me away, don't. I'm not that easy to get rid of anyways. Spencer, look at me," I diverted my eye contact slowly from the floor into her warming brown eyes, "I love you so much. This letter describes the opposite of you. Some of his words were true." Ashley paused.

I knew it. All of his words I bet.

Ashley continued to speak, "You are strong, probably the strongest person I've ever met. You did finally stand up to your father, and I'm so proud of you. It took courage, bravery, and a strong heart to stand up to that man, who over all those years made you feel like nothing. Spencer, you're everything. You mean so much to me, you're my world, Spencer Carlin." Ashley composed herself, then let her tears fall from her face.

I wish I wasn't numb and so screwed up right now. Those are probably the nicest and most meaningful words I've ever heard from--from--well anyone. I probably should tell her that, but I could only manage three simple words, "I love you." I smiled up at her and she crawled into the bed with me and just held me close. The warmth of her body almost made me forget what my father had made me out to be. I let her hold me closer than I have ever let before. She will always hold a place in my heart, she will be the only one who will ever get it. I laid there and let her hold me, because I knew I had already pushed her away. I knew this was our last moment of complete happiness. Once I tell her what I did with Carmen, I will do every single thing my father said, I will disappoint her, hurt her, and worst of all I will loose her.


	21. Only Ashes

I woke up in Ashley's arms and she held me close. I knew at that exact moment as I looked up at her beautiful, delicate sleeping face, that I wanted to spend forever wrapped in her arms. I think this is the happiest I have let myself be in the past couple of days. I don't want the only thing left of this relationship to be ashes. If I have burned this relationship to the ground because of my one, huge, stupid, horrible, mistake---I'd never forgive myself. 

Ashley awoke and she was instantly all smiles when she looked at me and saw me happily smiling. She lifted up her arm and brushed the backside of her hand against my warm face. I looked into her eyes and wouldn't break eye contact with her for several minutes. I knew I had to tell her now, tell her before all the courage I've built up laying here disappears. She looked so happy just holding me there, gazing into my eyes. I knew I was finally letting myself be happy, but what came with my happiness was guilt.

I leaned in and barely kissed Ashley on the cheek. I rubbed the spot where I kissed with my thumb, then I slowly made eye contact with her.

"Ashley, I have to talk to you and I don't want you to say anything because if you do, I'm afraid I won't get it all out." I watched her smile dissipate and her facial expression grow worrisome.

I slowly got up off the bed and stared out the bedroom window for a split second. If I jump, it might hurt less. I turned around to look at Ashley and she had already sat up on the bed. She looked at me with her melting brown eyes and I so badly wanted to take everything I had done with Carmen back. I can't believe I have hurt her. Her eyes kept looking up at me, waiting for me to speak. As much as I didn't want to tell her, I knew I had to.

"Ashley, I love you too much to keep this from you," I saw her facial expression melt from worried to concerned, "I did something, I know I shouldn't have. You can hate me for doing this, because I hate myself for doing what I did to you. I understand, if you never want to speak to me again, but I don't want that. I love you and I was so fucked up from my father's letter, I didn't know which was up or down."

"Spencer, what are you trying to tell me? What did you do?!" Ashley turned from concerned to curious and aggravated.

Before I continued to speak I let out a deep sigh. I knelt before her and held her hands as I continued to speak. Tears were clouding up my eyes and I could barely hold them in anymore. "Ashley, I," I took a large gulp, "I cheated on you with Carmen, but all I did was kiss her!" I hated saying that, but I had to let her know that was it. "And it meant nothing!"

I watched Ashley's facials expression turn to disgust and hatred. I couldn't bare to look at her, I couldn't believe how hurt she looked. She pushed me off her hands and got up off the bed and stood on the opposite side of the room. I let the room fill with silence and our continuous sobs. She started to wipe her tears away as she finally could look at me again.

"I can't be here right now," She started to frantically look for her stuff.

"I'm sorry, I didn't---It meant nothing. It just happened. I'm sorry, I hate myself for this, for hurting you like I am. I'm so--"

Ashley held up her hand and stopped me from rambling on, "Don't. I can't be here. I just can't listen or talk to you right now. I need time to think about all of this." Ashley threw on her jacket and stood at my door, "Don't call me."

What? Is this it? I can't live without her. She's been the best part of my life. "Does this mean---"

"I don't know what it means. All I know is, I can't look at you right now and I don't want to say anything I'll regret." And that's what she said before she walked out of my room. I sat there with no hopes that she'd ever return to me. Who could blame her? I did something so horrible to her, I could barely forgive myself, how should I expect her to forgive me?

All I know, is I needed her and I wanted her to be in my life. Last night she told me how I was her everything, how big of a fucking bitch am I? She tells me I'm her everything and I go and screw it up by telling her how I cheated on her with Carmen. Damnit. I was her world and I completely ruined it. She's my world too.

_"Okay, open your eyes!" Ashley excitedly shouted as she removed her hands from covering my eyes._

_"Oh my God!! You didn't!" I hysterically jumped up and down and ran around what I saw._

_"Oh I did." Ashley stood there and smiled as I hysterically ran around the entire place with my arms in the air._

_"How---who--what--how?" I couldn't form words, I was just so astonished she pulled this off._

_"Well, you know when you're dad is a famous rock star it's easy," She gave a grin, "And money helps."_

_I ran over and jumped into her arms and gave her a nice long appreciative kiss on the lips, "Thank you. Thank you for renting out Disneyland for us, you're amazing. I love you." I jumped out of her arms, which I'm surprised I didn't knock her over with all my built up excitement, and I laced my hand into hers and walked down the strip._

_"You're such a kid sometimes, I love that about you." Ashley said as she watched me excitedly hop onto the ride. My face was glowing with excitement. She didn't know how much this meant to me. It brought back so many good memories from my childhood, memories I cherished. Memories before my father turned into an abusive asshole._

_"Ahh!" I screamed out as the ride started, "I haven't rode this since I was a little girl!" I grabbed tightly a hold of Ashley's hand as the ride started. Ah, how I love roller coasters. Roller coasters with Ashley is even better._

_"I think I'm going to be sick," Ashley shouted as the rollercoaster sped from zero to sixty in like two seconds._

_"Come on this is fun!!" I shouted as loud as I could so she could hear me._

_"What?" She shouted as she turned to me._

_"This is fun!" I yelled louder as she squeezed tighter on my hand._

_"What?!" She looked extremely confused because the wind was whipping through our hair and there was music blaring on this rollercoaster thanks to Raiffe Davies, since this roller coaster was dedicated to him. As we go through the ride you can hear various songs from his career._

_"Big loop coming up!" I giggled._

_"Oh shit, I'm closing my eyes," Ah so she hears me this time._

_"Leave them open or I'll let go of your hand!" I loosen my grip on her hand. She quickly takes it back and grabs a hold of it and gives me the death glare. Hey, I was just teasing. But there's just no point to closing your eyes on the rollercoaster, I like the feeling of almost falling off but you know you never will._

_The ride finally stopped and Ashley quickly hopped off the ride._

_"Now, wasn't that fun?" I raised one eyebrow and held both her hands._

_"You call that fun? Falling head first into the darkness--" I cut her off with an attack on her lips. Her hands immediately found my face and then I reluctantly let go of her bottom lip as she pulled away._

_"Now, this is what I call fun." Ashley grinned as she gave me a quick peck on the lips and pulled me to another attraction. We rode different attractions throughout the night and we probably had the best night ...ever. It was amazing, I mean who else could say their girlfriend rented out Disneyland? I bet not many. Makes me feel damn special._

_"Okay, so one more surprise---I promise." Ashley had this mischievous face on as she pulled me away from the cotton candy stand. I barely had time to grab the cotton candy from the vendor. Mmm, cotton candy, one of my favorite junk foods. It's--it's like this amazing taste. It amazes me, how the hell is it made? It's so light and fluffy and rolls onto this stick, how? If anyone knows how it is made, they need to be given an award because it fascinates me because it's such a mystery to me._

_I shoved a piece of cotton candy into Ashley's mouth, "Oh my, that tasted fucking amazing."_

_"I know, right?!" She is defiantly the girl of my dreams._

_"How do they make cotton candy, anyways?" She questions as she steals pieces away from me._

_"Hey, I don't like you THAT much to share..." I grinned as I blocked the cotton candy with my body and hovered over it._

_"Hey, now!" Ashley squirmed around my body, trying to steal the cotton candy away from me._

_"You know what tastes sweeter than cotton candy?" I seductively asked as I turned around to face her._

_"Mmm?" She raised a brow, intrigued._

_"This," I threw the remaining cotton candy on the floor as I pressed my lips against hers and tasted the sweet cotton candy inside of her mouth. It was heaven. Ashley's lips already made me weak at the knees, but as I tasted the sweet cotton candy inside of her mouth as I slipped my tongue in, made me feel like I was in heaven. I teasingly bit her lip as I let go to catch my breath._

_"That did taste pretty damn sweet." Ashley licked her lips, just asking for more. I don't know what is stopping me from having her right here on the floor, because I was so hot right now._

_"Okay, so before I push you on the floor and have sex with you in front of Mickey mouse...damnit I just let my surprise slip. Well, I got Mickey mouse to come!" Ashley smiled._

_"Aww, that's so cute. You know he's not real, right?" I jokingly teased._

_Her jaw dropped, "No way! No wonder he cost so much to get him to come out at like midnight so we can take a bunch of random pictures with him."_

_"You didn't have to..." I shyly spoke, "but I'm so glad you did!" I smiled as I ran up to Mickey Mouse and threw him a bare hug. I know there was a person under him, but I was living the magical dream. Isn't that why people come to Disneyland, anyways? To be apart of the magic? I know I love it and I love my girlfriend for doing this all for me. God, do I love her._

_"See, this is why I did it. You get so excited of these silly things, which make me so happy because I know I caused it." Ashley said as she walked over next to me._

Damn just recalling days like that, reminds me how I screwed up this relationship with the best girl I've ever had or will ever have. But I don't want anyone else. Life is a crazy thing, and I knew mine was far from easy, but I didn't think that it was going to get this hard.

"Hey this is Ashley [Spencer's Girlfriend! leave a message after the beep," It brought a slight smile to my face knowing she still didn't change her voicemail where I screamed, "Spencer's girlfriend," as she was recording it.

"Ash, I know you told me not to call you, but I wanted to let you know I care enough to call you. Because I love you so much I never want to loose you. I'm sorry for what I did, and I hope in time you'll be able to forgive me. I love you, please call me." I hung up the phone and tossed it aside. I gained a little hope, knowing she hadn't changed her voicemail yet. Because I know I can't give up on the person who has believed in me the most.

I love her. She still loves me. I hope that is all we need.


	22. The Runaway Part One

**A/n: This chapter is going to be posted in two parts, to give you a break from reading. Enjoy.**

"I'm moving out. I found a place, it's still close but it's far enough away." I took a sip of my water, to ease my throat. I was so nervous spilling the news to Kyla and Glen, I wasn't sure how they were going to react.

"What? Why?!" Kyla stood up and shouted at me.

"Chill, Kyla. Let's hear her out. Why the hell are you moving out? I don't get it." Glen pushed Kyla back down on the couch as she pouted.

I took a deep sigh, "I can't stand the way mom looks at me! Treats me! It's worse than before---before---dad died!" It always takes a lot uttering those words. It still doesn't seem real. "She treats me like the devil's child, and she's still like pissed off I got all of dad's life insurance money. So might as well put the money to good use and get a place of my own. You are always welcome to move in with me Ky. Or you Glen, but I know you're going off to UCLA for that basketball thing." I set my water down and kept pacing around the room.

"Fine," Kyla said as she crossed her arms. I could tell she was pissed off I was leaving her alone with mom. Ever since she turned Aiden down with his moving in proposal, her and Aiden haven't been doing well. It looks like she is regretting turning him down, since I know she did it for me. I'm surprised she didn't bring that up.

"I can't believe you are moving out, with like a days notice! You know I didn't move in with Aiden for you! I didn't want to leave you at home alone with our crazy mom. And this is how you repay me? By leaving me here alone?" I guess I spoke too soon. Kyla scoffed and refused to look at me in the eyes.

I went over and sat in between Kyla and Glen, "Ky, you can move in with me. I told you that already. There are plenty of rooms in the condo I'm moving into. I'd love it if you came." I smiled and tried to make the situation all the better.

"Let me think about it." Kyla stood up and started to walk away.

"What? That's it? You have to think about moving in with your big sister? It'd be fun." I smiled and was ready for her to shoot me down and say no. Since everybody these days was turning me down and saying no. What's another let down?

I was all ready to sit next to Glen and talk to him about everything when Kyla turned around and gave me a oxygen depriving hug. "Of course I'll move in! I was afraid you wouldn't have asked!" Kyla kissed me on the cheek and ran up the stairs screaming with excitement.

I shook my head and plopped next down to Glen. "So sis, what happened with Ashley? I always thought I'd screw it up with a great girl like her and it happens it wasn't this Carlin who broke her heart."

"Way to make a girl feel better," I stopped talking to give Glen a very deserved punch on the arm, "I'll tell you exactly what happened."

_"What are you doing here?" I tossed the picture of me and Ashley that I was staring at aside._

_"Way to treat an ex-girlfriend. You get the award for being blunt today. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing, that's all. But now I can see you are back to your normal self, I'll leave." Carmen said as she stared at me crossing my arms at her._

_I sighed, "Good, I never asked you to come over." I slightly felt bad for treating her the way I am. "Wait," I shouted to her as she was heading out my door, "I'm just pissed off and I'm taking it out on you. I'm sorry."_

_Carmen smiled, sat next to me, and put her hand around my shoulder, "Hey, you wanna talk about it? I'm all ears."_

_I let out a sigh, "Yeah, I'm afraid you're not going to want to hear it." It was all about Ashley and she probably wouldn't be any help, since she's trying to get be back and all._

_"It doesn't matter if I want to hear it or not. You're obviously hurting and that's what I'm here for, to help you out when you're hurting. So spill and I won't take no for an answer," She scooted away from me and sat Indian style on my bed across from me. It was if her intentions were pure and she was truly there just to hear me out. It didn't seem as if she was trying to get back into my pants, plus I needed to spill. Kyla hasn't been around for me to talk to and Glen, it's like talking to a guy---gets you nowhere. So Carmen is here, so she will more than do._

_"Carmen, I screwed up with Ashley big time. I told her that I kissed you and she freaked out on me. I keep calling her and she hasn't called me back or come over here. In every voicemail I tell her that I'll be at my house waiting for her when she is ready to talk to me again, but it's been two weeks and I haven't heard from her. I mean I haven't gone over to her house because she told me to back off and wait until she calls me, but I figured the least I could do was call and keep graveling. I think I lost the person I love Car, and it hurts so bad. I really don't think she's coming back. And it hurts because I don't know if I can ever get over her."_

_I slowly started to sob, okay so it wasn't a quiet sob it was a very loud, unattractive cry. I instantly latched onto the nearest object to hug, which happened to be Carmen. I just held her and she continuously told me, "Shh, baby everything is going to turn out all right. I can beat her up for you? Come on let's go kick her ass" I let out a slight giggle through my tears._

_"No, no. Totally not necessary. I just want her back, I know it's hard for you to hear---but all I can think about is her and I just want to talk to her and tell her how sorry I am for cheating on her with you. God, I screwed up one of the best relationships I've ever had. I just wish she'd talk to me at least, ya know? If it's over, I just need some closure at least, if she is never going to speak to me again." I looked up at Carmen, "I'm sorry."_

_"For what?" Carmen looked at me puzzled._

_"For unloading this onto you. It's probably really hard for you to hear." Probably since I'm telling her how much I love Ashley and how she's the only one for me, when I know Carmen just wants to get back together with me. But I'm glad she isn't bringing any of that to the table right now. She's being so wholehearted right now._

_"No, don't be sorry. If you need someone to listen, that's who I am. If you need someone to talk, that's who I am. If you need someone to laugh with, that's who I am. Whoever you need me to be, that's who I am and what I am here for." Carmen smiled and patted my head and made comforting circles on my back._

_"Could you just lay here with me? Keep me company for awhile? Because I could really use it." I scooted to a laying position on my bed and I let Carmen hold me as my crying subdued. I laid there in her arms as she made me feel safe and comforted. She continued to soothe me with comforting words about how everything will turn out the way it should and I soon feel asleep listening to her heart beat._

_I was soon jolted awake by someone shaking me. "What Carmen? What is it?" I said as I kept my eyes closed and latched to her body._

_"I'm not Carmen," My eyes opened wide, I instantly sat up on the bed and stared at Ashley's glossing eyes before me._

_"Oh my God, it's not what it looks like." I quickly spit out. Shit, shit, shit. Does God just enjoying shitting on me? Because it feels like somebody up there has a fucking grudge!_

_"Well what does it look like? Looks like you were cuddling with Carmen to me! And stupid me, for coming over here after you didn't answer your phone, just to make sure you were okay and to talk about us. But stupid fucking me!" Ashley stomped towards my door and I quickly ran in front of it._

_"Carmen! Tell her it isn't what it looks like!" I shouted as I held my ground, not letting Ashley leave my room before she gets the facts._

_Carmen stood up, "It isn't what it looks like. I came over here since she has been unreachable these past days to check up on here and she was a mess. She needed someone to talk to about you and how much she had screwed up. She loves you and that's all we were doing---was talking about you. Trust me nothing went on. She fell asleep crying in my arms, that's all."_

_"Thank you, see Ash? Nothing went on. Please, believe me. I've been nothing but honest with you." I searched for something in her eyes. They were cold and not warming at all. She said everything with that look, she obviously didn't believe me. I slumped my shoulders and made a way for her to walk out the door. She walked by me sniffling and I let her go. I realized, I couldn't let her just walk away again. I'm putting up a fight this time._

_I chased her down the steps and caught her at my front door. "Ashley, please. I'm sorry, what more do you want me to say? I made a stupid, stupid, mistake. I'm sorry. Please just give me another chance?" I pleaded with her, I begged on my knees._

_"Get up." Ashley looked me dead in the eyes and wouldn't say another word till I got up off the floor. I stood up and was inches away from her face. She scoffed at me, "You hurt me real bad, Spencer. So badly I never wanted to see your face again. Seeing you with her on your bed--"_

_"I told you, she told you that---"_

_"I don't care what you both told me, let me get this out. Seeing you two together on your bed just crushed my heart. And I can't be with you right now, because my first thought is, how your father's words were right. We're done."_

_My eyes opened wide, my mouth dropped, my head started to spin, I could barely form words. The anger inside of me was rising, from what she just said to me. I felt the tears building in my eyes, from the hurt her words also caused me. "You don't mean that! Take that fucking back! Break up with me, yell at me, and break my heart, but don't say that. Please don't say that, you have to take that back!" I yelled at her, as I so badly just wanted to start ripping my hair out. How can the one person I truly love say these hurtful words to me?_

_She shook her head and wiped the tears coming down from her face, "No, because that's all I see. You hurt me Spencer, you're breaking my heart. We're done for now. Maybe when our lives finally come together, it will be time for us to be with each other. Because we we're made for each other. But right now, I can't even look at you."_

_I reached out and grabbed Ashley's arm, "Please take it back." All I need to hear is, that she takes it back and I'll be all right. Just take that shit back. "Fucking take it back!"_

_She shook her head and whipped her arm out of my grip and walked out of my life._

_I walked back up to the room where Carmen was sitting on my bed waiting for me._

_"So everything good between you two now?" Carmen smiled._

_"Don't want to talk about it," I said as I shoved Carmen onto the bed and began my attack on her neck._

_"I'll take that as a no. Oh God, Spencer how I've missed you," Carmen said as she lifted my shirt above my head._

_I whipped off her shirt and threw it across the room. She began spreading kisses all over my stomach when I stopped her and pulled her chin to look up at me, "So we're clear, this doesn't mean anything."_

_"Hey, whatever you say," We both continued to quickly undress each other._

"Whoa whoa whoa," Glen shouted at me, "You could have stopped telling the story when Ashley left. I did not need the visual of my little sister on top of another chick." Glen laughed out. "Although, other girl on girl action that doesn't involve my sister is hot."

I shook my head out of my memory, "Oh right. And that's what happened between me and Ashley. I hurt her by cheating on her with Carmen and she fucking hurt me by telling me that I'm like our father. How's that for a great love story?" I held my head in my hands. It still hurts thinking about it all. I figured I would love her less by now, think about it less, and most of all I hoped it would have hurt less. But it doesn't. When people say time heals everything, it's crap. Time just gives you more time to think about it all. Makes it worse, if you ask me.


	23. The Runaway Part Two

I was bringing in the last of my boxes and I finally had time to admire the place I bought. 

"Kyla, I think we are going to love it here." I smiled as me and Kyla just stood there admiring the rooms.

"You're so right. She's moving in here with us, isn't she?" Kyla turned from looking out the window to looking me dead in the eyes.

"Well, I'm kind of going out with her now. So I offered. Her place now is kind of not the best environment, so I offered. And she's coming tomorrow to move in her stuff. I figured you just assumed, you're not mad are you?" I looked confused at her. Her tone sounded like she didn't want her moving in.

"No, why would I be mad? It's your place, why should you ask your sister for approval?" Damn, I knew that sarcastic tone. She's pissed.

"I don't get why you're pissed. You like her, don't you? I mean I know you used to at least. So what's the big deal? She won't be much trouble. It will be like she's not even here, if that's what you're worried about." I can't believe it's barely our first day in here and me and Kyla are already fighting about our third roommate.

"I just don't see why you're dating her again! It's only been what? Three months since you and Ashley had that horrible break up and you're already asking Carmen to move in with you, I just don't get it that's all." Kyla talked as she was fumbling with stuff in her boxes.

"What am I supposed to be doing? Sitting around and moping waiting for Ashley to return my calls? She hurt me too, I told you what she said to me! I do still love her, I'd drop Carmen in a second if I thought me and Ashley had another shot as a couple, but I know it won't happen any time soon. She told me we were made for each other, and I know that we are, but it doesn't look like that time is now." I almost started to cry, but I learned when it came to the subject of Ashley how to hold back my tears. I took a few deep breaths and just shook the thought of her out of my head.

"I know, I know. I just don't think Carmen is right for you. I just have a bad feeling about her, she's in a gang still. I just don't get why you are with her."

"I don't get it some days either, but she says the right words to make me feel better and to get my mind off the whole Ashley everything. So you don't have to get it, just deal with her? I do." I smiled and held out my arms awaiting for the sisterly hug.

She disapprovingly shook her head and sighed, "Oh all right." She ran over to me and gave me that reassuring hug that I needed.

"Okay, so enough about Carmen and Ashley. How about we order Chinese, eat off the floor and watch movies all night since our cable isn't hooked up yet?" I was already reaching for my cell phone to call Chinese place I scoped out down the street.

"Well, Aiden is supposed to come over later and check out the new place."

"I'm not asking for your company all night, just for a couple of hours?" I smiled, hoping she'd be looped into the plan. I honestly didn't want to spend our first night in our new place alone. This is where I think about Ashley and miss her, because I know she would have been here for the moving in bit and everything.

"Hell yes, of course. Screw Aiden, he's not coming over till late anyways. And I'm starved from all the moving in." Kyla ran around the condo for some odd reason. Sometimes I do not know where that girl gets her energy.

"I'm going to get like one of everything on the menu!" I shouted to her in whatever room she was in.

"Sounds good! I'm going to take a quick bath!" Damn does she have a good idea there. Guess I'll just wait until Carmen comes over later to get into the shower. That'd satisfy me.

Me and Kyla and good first day in our new place together. We enjoyed our Chinese in front of the TV, watching whatever movie that came to mind. We were laughing, pigging out, and just enjoying our freedom in our new sanctuary---free from mother. We turned our heads when we heard knocks on the door.

I got up and screamed, "Ahh our first visitor in our new place!! How exciting in this!" I opened the door and was slightly disappointed when I saw Aiden standing before me with flowers. "Hey, Aiden, she's in there, behind all the boxes." We decided to make a box fort and pretend we were sitting on a couch. But that didn't really work when we fell through the boxes. So we ended up sitting on the floor next to our box fort.

"Hey, Spencer, how's the new place?" Aiden asked as he ran up to Kyla giving her a nice bear hug. I looked at them and realized how much they love each other. Made. Me. Sick.

"It's good, naw, it's amazingly great. Hey, you two have fun, I'm going to go to my room for awhile." I suddenly did not feel like watching them make out in front of me.

Kyla let go of hugging Aiden and peered around his body, "You okay, Spence?"

"Yeah, no, I'm good. I just figured I'd leave you two alone, you know enjoy the new place together. I'm just going to power nap before Carmen gets here." I let out a fake smile and hid in my room.

I stared at Ashley's phone number on my phone. I kept punching in the number, but I never hit send. I'd keep punching in Ashley's number, then hit cancel, then I'd dial it again, then hit cancel. I called her a couple days ago and left a message telling her that I was moving out to a place in the hills, but of course I never got a call back. What am I so worried about now? I looked for the box marked, "Private shit, don't touch Kyla," and I dug through it. Ah, I found my handy flask filled with a substance that will drown all my worries and anxiety away. This is exactly what I need before I call Ashley.

An hour later, I was buzzed enough and had enough courage to dial her number and actually hit send. I just assumed I'd get her voicemail like usual. I was rehearsing what I was about to leave on her voicemail as I listening to the rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ash it's me again--" I stopped myself from my rehearsed speech and then realized Ashley actually picked up her phone. Oh my God, what do I say? I haven't talked to her in months.

"Hey, Spencer, what's up?" Ashley asked all nonchalantly, like we haven't been talking in months.

"I was just calling to let you know I moved into my new place in the hills. And I would love it, if you stopped by to check it out. I really want you to see my new place, I know you'll be amazed." I smiled into the phone. I felt my face as I smiled, because I know I haven't smiled like this in months. This is the smile only Ashley got to see. I miss feeling like this.

"Oh well I don't know..." Ashley's voice trailed off like she was unsure about even talking to me on the phone.

"Oh come on! I just want you to see my new place, parent free. I'm kind of having this house warming party tomorrow. I mean our place won't nearly be done or anything, but we have this awesome couch box fort, that you have to see."

Ashley let out a giggle, "A box fort, that's just like you Spence. Maybe I'll come, I just don't want it to be awkward or anything."

I smiled, "Oh come on, it's us. How can it be awkward? I just want to throw the invite out there, bring whoever you want if you feel the need. I just don't feel like a house warming party celebrating my new life, would be right if you weren't there." Ashley was supposed to be apart of this new life, damn, stop getting all sentimental.

"Yeah sure, I'll stop by. Hey but I got to go, I'll see ya tomorrow then."

"Hey Ash?" I paused, waiting for her approval to keep talking. I felt the alcohol talking coming soon.

"Yeah, Spence?"

"I still---still, nevermind." I really shouldn't bring it up to her, I mean she's finally answering my calls, I don't wanna go and scare her away.

"No, what? Go ahead and say it." Ashley urged me to continue speaking.

"I still love you, you know. That's never going to change." I'm just glad I finally got to say that to her and not to her voicemail.

I heard Ashley sigh, "I know. You don't think I stopped loving you, do you?"

"Well, I wonder sometimes. I never hear back from you, I figured you just want to erase me from your life." Damn the booze. I'm starting to regret this drunk dial.

"I--I," Ashley let out a frustrated sigh, "I never wanted that. I'll never stop loving you, okay? It's hard for me too, you know. There were two of us in that relationship and two of us got hurt. It was just easier not talking to you, because if I did Spencer, I knew I would have been ten times as hard trying to move on. It's just hard still. I ---maybe I shouldn't come tomorrow. It might not be a good idea for us."

"No, oh come on. Forget about what we said, I just want us to have a good time again. Can't we at least be friends? I mean we were each other's best friends. I lost you as a girlfriend and a best friend. I'd really like my best friend back if I can't have you as a girlfriend. But I'm not asking for either of those right now. I'm just asking you to come to my party, please?" I did my best pouting over the phone.

"Yeah, I'll stop by. I'm going to go, I'll see you tomorrow." Ashley quickly hung up before I could say anything else. I tossed my phone aside and emptied the rest of the flask into my craving stomach. I soon passed out on my bed, flask in hand.

I woke up the next morning with a slight hangover and Carmen laying in my bed with me. I rolled my eyes for some reason just the thought of her being there. Fuck, I told Ashley we're having a house warming party, well that was a lie. Now, I have to manage inviting tons of people over to make it look like I didn't lie just to get her over here. Damnit, I ran into Kyla's room without thinking.

"Oh my eyes," I found Aiden and Kyla in a compromising position, that will forever be embedded into my memory. Let's just say, you never want to see your sister in---ughh I'm not continuing to explain what I just saw. Okay, hold off the dry heaving so I can talk to Kyla.

"Spencer do you mind?!" Kyla shouted as she grabbed a sheet and threw it on top of her and Aiden.

"Well, no I don't mind at all. Quick talk before you two finish up what you were doing. Okay, so I got a little drunk last night and called Ashley,"

"What?! Oh God, here it goes again." Kyla pressed her hand against her forehead and sighed.

"Let me fucking finish! Sorry, didn't mean to freak, but I have this killer hangover right now. Okay, so I called her and told her we were having this house warming party today and I told her to come over. So since we don't have a house warming party---well we have one now, and it starts tonight. So, Aiden. Kyla. 'Round up all your friends and invite them over. I need it to look legit! I'm going to go to the store and buy a shit load of furniture to make it look half-way decent in here. Okay? Okay." I let out a deep breath after I talked a mile a minute getting all of that out.

"Okay, so me and Aiden will do that, but wanna get out of my room, so I can like finish up here?" Kyla gave me one of those get-the-fuck-out-of-here smiles. And I defiantly got the hint.

"Fine fine, I'll be home in like two hours." I ran out of the room and back into mine.

"Hey babe, how are ya feelin'? You were passed out when I came over last night," Carmen said as she came up behind me and kissed me on the neck. I smiled. But I am still freaking out about Ashley coming over. This could be it, we could be finally getting back together. Eh, don't get your hopes up, kiddo.

"I have a massive hang over. I have to run to the furniture store and get a shit load of furniture in here. We're having a house warming party tonight and I want it too look live-able in here." I laughed out as I was quickly throwing on a clean tee shirt and jeans.

"You know you don't have to get dressed so quickly...we can---"

"I so want to, but I don't have the time, Car." I quickly ran a brush through my hair, I was surprised I found it in a box in my room.

Carmen sighed, "Well, I don't have anything going on today, want me to come furniture shopping with you?" It's not like I can I can say no, she is kind of my girlfriend and all. Whatever.

"Yeah, sure. I'd like that." I've gotten really good at lying and hiding my feelings around Carmen. I just really wasn't that enthused to be shopping with Carmen, when I had hopes that Ashley was coming over tonight.

"Awesome, let's go buy some furniture!" Carmen shouted then gave me a kiss on the cheek. She held out her hand and waited for me to grab a hold. I numbly held her hand and walked to the furniture store to pick out a whole bunch of items that were needed. You know, I didn't know when they said money can buy you anything, they truly meant it. I just threw some extra cash around and they were over with all the shit I had picked out in the store about an hour later. Having money is great, it can almost buy happiness, almost.

I was on my fifth outfit and I was all jittery and nervous. Gosh, why should I be nervous? It's just Ashley. It's not just Ashley, it's Ashley. Damnit, I shouldn't be acting like this, I am dating someone else. Plus, we are supposed to be like just friends. I can still look hot. Okay this outfit will do. Carmen left for a while said she had to go take care of some things. I was kind of relieved when she left, I wasn't sure how she was going to react if and when Ashley shows up. Carmen said she'd be back later, but I can't really count on her. Which in this case is good, because I don't really want her here, to start unnecessary drama.

Everyone started to filter in around eight o'clock. I kept running up to the door greeting every person, hoping that one soon would be Ashley. After running back and forth about fifteen times, I figured she would just find me in the crowd.

"Kyla and Aiden, nice work. Thanks you guys really saved my ass." I hugged them both at the same time, causing them almost to spill their drinks.

"Are you a little tipsy, Carlin?" Aiden gave me one of his looks.

I shrugged my shoulders and diverted my eye contact, "What is tipsy, exactly? I had a few, but I'm completely fine. Don't worry about me. I'm great!"

"Okay sis, you need to tone it down. Let me take that drink from you," Kyla pried the drink out of my hand forcefully. I continuously pouted and hoped she'd give it back. She didn't cave.

"So, we gathered all these people together for this house warming party, where's the person we actually threw it for?" Kyla questioned me with one hand on her hip.

"Well, you see, funny thing about that is, she isn't here...yet. I have hopes. And, you know, if she doesn't come...at least we had a good party, right?" I gave her my everything is going to be okay smile and headed to the nearest table to grab another drink.

I was talking to a group of Kyla's friends when I felt a tap on the shoulder. I didn't bother turning around, "Drinks are on the table, bathrooms that way if you're feeling sick, and welcome to my place!" Then I continued talking to the group, until I felt another tap, proceeded by talking.

"Spencer, it's me." I knew that voice. The voice that was starting to become unfamiliar to me, but once I heard it again, I knew how much I have missed her voice. I slowly turned around as I took a sip of my drink.

"Hey!" I said as I hugged her and go a decent whiff of her scent. Still smells the same, oh how it is killing me. "Welcome to my place, let me show you around! Come on!" I grabbed her hand and ran her through my place and making one final stop at my bedroom. "Thanks for coming. So do you like?" I plopped to sit on my bed as I talked.

"It's amazing. It's beautiful, thanks for inviting me." Ashley smiled. I saw someone standing in my door way. Okay they need to get to moving because me and Ashley are going to have a moment.

"Can I help you? The bedrooms are off limits." I sneered at the person who still didn't move.

"Actually, I was trying to keep up with you two as you ran through the house. Then I saw you guys mingle into here, so here I am." Okay, is this girl loaded? What the hell is she talking about.

"Okay?" I said extremely confused.

"Oh sorry, I just got caught up in seeing the place. She actually came with me," Ashley smiled as the figure in the door came closer to stand next to Ashley.

"Oh my God, sorry for being rude to you. I didn't know you brought a friend. Hi, I'm Spencer." I held out my hand to do the traditional hand shake gesture. I figured it'd make up for being so frank.

"Actually, this is my girlfriend, Natalie."

"Hi, nice to meet you," I shook her hand in complete shock. Did she just say girlfriend. What the hell. Now, the room is really starting to spin. Girlfriend? Maybe this is why she didn't answer my calls. How could she have a girlfriend already? She moved on so quickly---ugh. She's not even pretty. Well fine, maybe that's the jealous me talking. She's okay looking, but I'm definitely way hotter than she could ever be. All right, you need to stop thinking about ways to strangle this chick and say something. Awkward silence is filling the room.

"Hey, why don't we get back to the party. There's plenty of people out there and food and drinks. Come on," I dragged them both back out there and then lost them in the crowd. Hell if I was going to stand there and act okay with it all. I need Kyla. Now.

"Kyla, oh my God, oh my God, Kyla! She brought her girlfriend!" Aiden looked at me with his mouth wide open like he couldn't believe it either, "Aiden, give us a second, would ya?" He heard the hostility in my voice and he left.

"Breathe Spencer, breathe. Where is she?" I made a head gesture towards the two standing over there laughing and talking to people I didn't even know. "Oh, that's her?"

"Yup, can you believe it? A fucking girlfriend!" I will not break down in tears. I will not break down and cry. No I will not.

"No I can't believe she'd be going out with someone that hideous! She is seriously bringing down the beauty quota in this room." Kyla said in complete seriousness with disgust on her face. Ah, this is why I love my sister.

I let out a giggle, "You're telling me. God, why did I invite her?"

"Because you're still in love with her? Well, hey, maybe this will be good for you. You can get over her easier now, seeing that she has a girlfriend and you have---well Carmen. You can just get over her a little." Kyla stood there trying to comfort me.

"You're right. But I don't wanna get over her. Whatever, you haven't seen Carmen have you? I didn't tell her I invited Ashley, she might flip." I peeked my head through the party, there still wasn't sign of her.

"Um, incoming?" Kyla hid behind her cup as she took a sip.

"Hey sweetie, sorry I'm late." Carmen whispered into my ear as she laced her arms onto my waist and gave me a peck on the cheek.

I turned around so we were face to face, "It's cool," I said before she pressed her lips onto mine and before I knew it I was all out making out with her in front of everyone. Looks like the alcohol had more than just a little effect on me. I heard Kyla clear her throat and I was snapped back to reality. I tried to part my lips from Carmen but she tugged on my bottom lip for more. Kyla pulled on my shoulder and I was forced to stop kissing Carmen.

"You were saying something earlier?" Kyla hinted at what we were just talking about.

"Oh, I'm over it." Not really, but Carmen is taking my mind off Ashley and her fucking girlfriend. So whatever, I can't wait until everyone gets out of the house and I can just go fuck Carmen. Whatever if Ashley is over me, I can get over her. Whatever.

"Oh, well incoming." Sounds like Kyla's favorite word of the evening.

I turned around, "Oh shit," Damn I was just supposed to think that.

"What babe?" Carmen was still attached to my waist as she held onto me from behind. I quickly turned around and tried to explain the incoming situation.

"Okay, so don't be mad. I invited her to the house warming party. So just remember, don't be mad." I cringed as I said those words, I knew if she wasn't mad now, I'd get it later from her.

"At what?" Her mouth dropped as she saw Ashley walked up towards us.

"Hey." Ashley said.

"Ashley?" Carmen let go of holding me, to standing beside me.

"Carmen?" Ashley's face turned to disgust once she saw her beside me.

"Don't be mad." I gritted through my teeth towards Carmen as I squeezed her hand. She slide her fingers through my hand and gave me a smile I could see right through.

"Oh no, it's cool. So, Ash, who's your friend?" Carmen asked as she draped her arm around my waist, showing me off to Ashley. Oh boy, do I need another drink, might as well make it a shot of something. Anything.

"This is my girlfriend, Natalie." Ashley smiled as she gave the girl a smile, which wasn't her real smile that I used to see when we were together, trust me. That smile wasn't as happy as I once saw it.

"Oh, well nice to meet you." Carmen was being more than nice, I know I am going to get it from her later. So much for having sex.

I saw the way Ashley was looking at me and it was killing me. She hated that I was with Carmen and I hated that Carmen was all over me. "Hey, I'm going to get a shot or two----anyone else want anything? Okay, great." I didn't bother waiting for anyone's response I just kind of ducked out of that awkward situation and headed to the massive amounts of alcohol sitting in my kitchen. Ah, heaven.

It wasn't before long, Ashley showed up in the kitchen with me. "Hey, did you want a drink?" I held up a bottle and offered.

"No, what I want to know is why the fuck is Carmen here? You're with her now?" Ashley slammed her hands on the table, almost knocking all the bottles onto the floor.

"Whoa, you have a girlfriend too. I don't see the big deal. And yeah so what, I am kind of with her now." Ouch, that was slightly harsh. I'm letting the alcohol get to me. But it didn't stop me from throwing another sip down.

"You don't fucking get it!"

"Get what? You tell me what to fucking get. You walked out on me! You left me, remember? You said some really horrible things to me, and then you vanished! I called and called and I still call, but you don't answer, EVER. Until yesterday, and now you're here, why? To show off your new girlfriend to me? To yell at me for dating someone else, since you walked out of my life? Tell me what to fucking get. Because I am all ears," I slammed the bottle down onto the counter.

Ashley shook her head and wiped the few tears that managed to escape her eyes. I started to feel bad, once she didn't say another word, "I'm sorry Ash, but do you know how hard it is to wake up everyday and have you not be by my side? Wake up knowing that I won't talk to you, kiss you, hold you, and look into your eyes. I wake up everyday having less hope that we will ever be---again. I'm sorry for yelling, just tell me what I don't get." I walked around the table and held both of her arms. I smiled, slightly, feeling the touch of her again in between my hands.

"I love you too much to watch you ruin your life with Carmen. You broke my heart when I saw you two together, when you cheated on her with me. I just need some time to get over it. So you fucking have a great life with her, because I can't be your friend with her in your life. I can't, I won't. Like I said, maybe with time, we will be like we were, before our lives got crazy." Ashley sighed and pushed me off her.

"Fine, you know not one day you called me---how bad that hurt? You never once asked me, how I have been or doing. I've been going to my therapist full time now, talking about my problems about my father. I'm trying to get over how you told me I was exactly like my father, which by the way you have never taken back. But you know, I'm still willing to take you back. I'd drop Carmen in a heartbeat to have you in my arms again." Fuck this, this isn't getting anywhere, "Whatever."

"Spence, I can't do this. I thought I could be your friend, but not when your with---her. I still need more time to get over what you did to me. I --- just am leaving." Ashley was extremely flustered.

"Go ahead, walk away from us again. I'm used to it by now." I watched her look back at me hurt, but what more can I say? I wasn't changing her mind tonight, she needs time and I need time to change her mind. So I can't settle everything in one day. What do they say---Rome wasn't built in a day? Ugh, whatever. Time to down another drink, get all these people out of my house, and go have some sex with Carmen to get all of this off my mind.

The party came to a close and Carmen and I were sitting on my bed. I was half past drunk and she was still talking to me. "Babe, you're not going to regret this. It's going to be, me and you ruling the world together. We have this great place together, you have a good future ahead of you. I'm so lucky to have you back in my life." Carmen knelt next to me and placed a kiss on my lips, "Promise me you'll never leave me."

"What?" She must be insecure since Ashley had come over for the evening and I was upset the rest of the night after she had left.

"Just promise me."

"Okay, I promise. I won't leave you," You know until Ashley comes around and I can be with her again someday.

We laid in each other's arms and not a moment passed by that night, when I wasn't picturing Ashley in my arms instead.

You know life doesn't always turn out the way we plan or hope it will, and I'm proof in that. I can keep wishing, that's all I can do. Is wish and hope. But I am not even close to giving up, when it comes to getting Ashley back into my life. I guess we all run away from the ones we love sometimes. We hide from the truth. We settle for less, all in all, that's life, right? Remember at the beginning of our journey together, when I told you that my life wasn't all rainbows and hugs? Well, I bet you believe me now. This is my life, one horrible story after another.

We were made for each other, and in the end, it's going to be me and her. But until that ending comes, my story ends here. If Ashley wants to runaway, I can runaway for awhile too.

**A/n: All right everyone, that's it. The end. Hope you're not disappointed at how it all turned out. I do have a sequel in mind for this one, but it all depends if you all would be interested in me writing one. Thanks to everyone who was a loyal reviewer or reader, writing wouldn't exist if it wasn't for all of you who read my work. But I really am idea-less now, that I have finished this story, so unfortunately I may go into like hibernation for awhile. Sad, I know. But seriously, I hope everyone enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. And I look forward to all your final reviews, criticisms, or whatever you have to say to me, I can't wait to read what you guys have to write. Oh, and all the title names to my chapters are thanks to Something Corporate I used their song titles. Thanks Andrew McMahon for that, have to give him credit. So you're probably sick of my long ramble.**..**peace. Much Love.  
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